


Sprouting Wings

by rivaillin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, F/F, F/M, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-28 10:08:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivaillin/pseuds/rivaillin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi always thought that in order to feel alive he’d have to break the rules, he felt like a bird in a cage whenever he was stuck with doing what was right. However, his perspective changes when he meets Eren, someone who will give him the excitment his life needed. (College) Levi & (High School) Eren! Present Time AU in Levi’s POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time uploading any of my works, so I'll be in your care. Also, I warn that Levi and some other characters might be/seem a bit OC but this is an AU and I am sort of identifying Levi with me. I will not rush this fic because I want to take my time so those two (Levi and Eren) fall in love completly, without a rush. I tend to work on my projects at night, so any spelling mistake or missing words (something I try to avoid) will be due to my lack of sleep since I tend to stay up until late when inspiration strikes me. Some more insight regarding Levi's past will be provided in further chapters. Thank you!

 

Life always seemed pretty dull to me. Sometimes, I’d get the feeling that doing the right thing was wrong and doing the wrong thing was right. This might be because _‘excitement’_ was something that keeping up with the rules never brought. If I wanted to feel one little bit alive, then I’d have to break through what was considered correct. This was probably my life’s motto for a long time, until a certain _son of a bitch_ I highly respect decided to get me on the right track once more.

Before I noticed it, I had finished high school and was on my way to a prestigious university to take on the Law course. I don’t particularly like Law, for a couple of reasons that might not be too hard to understand considering my patterns of thinking, but I did the favor of doing the right thing. Not for myself, but for those who had expectations of me.

So now, I was pretty much done. I was already in my fourth year – that despite being the last was the easiest of the four – ready to indulge in a life I wasn’t quite certain about. I never really thought of myself as a lawyer or a judge and definitely not a person of politics. It was not in my character to do those jobs, despite me having a rather sharp tongue when needed and a reply always under the sleeve. Therefore, above all, my future job was a hanged subject I tried not to discuss unless someone jumped into it.

"So what kind of jobs can you do with a Law degree?" Hanji asked me as she fixed her glasses.

I rolled my eyes and leaned back on my chair. Starbucks was overflowing at that hour and the crowd was making me upset. Plus, talking about such a delicate subject under these circumstances made my stomach flip. Accordingly, I threw her my most unhappy expression. “I really don’t want to talk about _that_ right now.”

Hanji contorted her face. “You _never_ want to talk about it, Levi.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “What’s with the face, taking a dump?”

"Levi!" A sigh escaped through her lips and I saw her lean above our table and look at me above her glasses. "Erwin is worried about you and so am I. It’s about time you start considering your future, the end of the second semester is about to hit and, after the exams, you graduate. Show a bit of concern." She warned.

My eyes probably glinted, because I saw her retreat in defense. “I don’t want to hear that coming from you, four-eyes.” Crossing my legs, as I usually would when I was in one of those moments I felt superior to everyone around me, I gawked at the brunette in front of me. “If Erwin is worried, then he better come talk to me face to face.” I wasn’t going to listen to him anyway. “I don’t think I need an owl. This is not _Muffin_ _Potter_ and I am not _Fungus_ _Dumbledore_.”

Hanji snorted and threw her hands up. “Ok, I give up.”

I grabbed my coffee and took a last sip, reaching out for my phone which was pulsating like a vibrating dildo in my jacket’s pocket. I had to input the goddamned password more than once since I failed the first two tries. Swapping over the menu, I went to the mail box to see the message I’d gotten.  _'Good morning, Levi. I wanted to know if you'd like to meet today to discuss the matters vis-à-vis our group job about Advanced Criminal Law. Please, text back if you want to come. Petra.'_  I tried not to sigh and simply dropped my phone in my jacket’s pocket once more. She’d sent me the exact same message the day before, wasn’t she a bit persistent? Not that I minded her, she was a nice girl. But I really wasn’t in the mood to work on that goddamned project, not for that shitty teacher.

"So, Levi… Are you busy today?" The brunette asked me as she took out her wallet, probably getting ready to pay the bill.

I followed her example and also took out my wallet but she smiled at me saying she’d pay. “Not really…” I mumbled as I threw my things in my bag. “I only have classes at three, so I’m free for now.”

Hanji smiled even wider. “Do you want to come with me to school?”

"Why would I want to go with you to school?" I asked in a rude tone.

"Well, it’s my first day and I have to clean the lab, so I figured you’d want to come as well…" She was fidgeting and giving me looks as she spoke in a rather way too girly way. Knowing her as I did, I knew she was using the cleaning as a way to get me going along. This is the problem about childhood friends: they always know how to get to you.

I threw my head back in defeat. “Fine… But just because you’d probably leave the whole place full of dust and sneeze on me the next time we’d meet. Thus, I’ll supervise your cleaning.”

She clapped her hands together and got up to go pay the bill. Usually, you’d have to pay before getting your drinks or food, but Hanji always came up with weird excuses to why we should get our order first, pulling me as a newbie in the law department so she could go on with her theory on how you should only pay after getting your hands on the product.

Already in the car, she kept talking about how happy she was to be in the same school where she was previously a student. She kept saying that she couldn’t thank Erwin enough for letting her stay and I just threw off a statement concerning Erwin’s lack of competency regarding his workers, to what she got incredible mad at.

The school where Hanji would now work as a science teacher was not only her previous high school but also mine. Back then, Erwin was only a teacher and both Hanji and I pretty creepy students. Now, the blonde man was also the headmaster and Hanji was a full-fledged teacher, ready to engage in the worst life someone could ask for. As for me, I was almost done with university.

As our car entered the parking lot, my eyes caught a glimpse of the students gathering around their own vehicles. “Shitty brats, I wonder how they get such expensive cars.”

"They don’t. Their parents give them the expensive cars." Hanji replied to my non-existent question. "This is how it is nowadays."

"That’s disgusting."

She parked right next to a Kia Forte EX 5-Door in a poor clay color. I couldn’t help but smirk at how different that car was from the others, since it wasn’t a car some stupid teenager would consider cool. My eyes quickly rolled to Hanji. “I think I know why you parked your Golf here…”

She punched my arm in a sloppy way. “Shut up, Levi. Let’s go.”

I followed her out and closed the car’s door. As if I knew this was a procedure, I reminded Hanji to lock the wagon, something she clumsily thanked me for. I followed her inside the main building with a big zero painted on one of the walls. It was probably break time, since the students were all out of their classrooms. I took a peek at my watch to confirm and it was exactly ten o’clock.

"So, let’s pay a visit to Erwin. He’ll be glad to see you."

I grunted. “Weren’t we here to clean your lab or something?”

"Levi, paying a visit won’t hurt." She couldn’t be more wrong about it.

As I walked beside her, I could feel the blunt stares on us. I gave back a few glares, since I didn’t particularly like to be stared at, but didn’t voice anything out. We ended up reaching what I guessed to be Erwin’s classroom that morning and Hanji barged in before I had time to ask her to knock. I simply dropped my stare, not as a way of submission but as a simple _I-don’t-even-care_ attitude.

"Erwin, look who I brought with me – Oh!"

Her _Oh!_ made me raise my eyes from the ground and lock them on the three figures ahead of me. Erwin was standing next to his desk, giving us a surprised look. Next to him, were two kids: one with a funny horse face and other with a _wanna-pick-a-fight_ meaning.

"Hanji, Levi…" Erwin gasped and I guessed he was previously yelling at those two. "What brings you here?" He quickly composed himself and gave us his _mister_ _handsome_ smile, one I knew very well not to trust.

Hanji waved her hands. “Sorry, you were busy. We’ll come back later.”

"No, it’s fine. I was already done." He said, turning to give a quick glare at the two brats. "And I hope I am also understood."

The guy with the horse face was the only one to reply. The other simply nodded and left after Erwin gave them permission to do so. As both of them passed by, I looked over the corner of my eye, only to catch two neat and clean turquoise orbs doing the exact same thing. Blinking was necessary, since for a second I was left wondering why I was feeling myself drown in such eyes. My head slightly turned to follow the gaze a bit more, but the contact was broken the moment the kid exited the classroom.

"Hanji, you start today, right?" Erwin asked in his usual tone. "And Levi… I’m surprised to see you here. How did Hanji convince you to come?"

I turned my head back in slow motion, still half drowsy. “I don’t know. We were supposed to clean her lab.” Instinct told me not to look directly at him.

"And we will, we will." Her hand was patting my shoulder in a very annoying way. "I just thought you two would like to see each other."

Erwin smiled and I shrugged. “How’s university going?” He asked me while he fixed his things.

"I don’t know. I feel like shitting myself all over it." I complained in monotone, somehow knowing it would set him off and cause me some inner despair.

A glare was thrown at me. “I suppose you’ll finish _this_ year…” It was Erwin’s threatening voice.

I glared back. “Goddamn it, of course. I’m done with it, _dad_.”

He sighed and Hanji laughed nervously. “I’m the one paying for your fees so I need to know, since you won’t even contact me or drop by.”

That tone of his was starting to get on my nerves, just like expected. My eyebrows almost met when I growled. “I’m glad to see you’re fine, Erwin.” My hands reached for my pockets and I looked at Hanji. “Let’s go.”

Hanji bowed her head to Erwin and left with me following her and not daring to listen to another worth coming from that man’s mouth. This was exactly why I didn’t want to see him.

"I thought you were over it…" Hanji mumbled as she rushed further into the building.

My eyes rolled. “I am over it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t hold any resentment towards him.”

"He’s not the only one to blame."

Damn, she was pushing it. I knew that. I knew it wasn’t only his fault. I knew I was the one who led him but in the end it ended in the worst way I could have ever imagined. Facing him like this was troublesome because my pride was just bigger than me and I couldn’t deal with it. If I had a weakness, he would be it.

Hanji threw the keys in the lab once she came in and placed her things above her future desk. “I’m not going to say I warned you…” She told me and I noticed pity in her voice.

"You already did." I replied, closing the door behind me. "I was stupid; I was a kid ready to make mistakes. He was a bastard ready to take responsibility for the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t really give a fuck to who seduced who, but it was his fault… The only thing I am to blame is for allowing myself to get my pride crushed as if it was a peanut. He’s trying to make up for it by paying the fees to college, but I couldn’t care less. I’m using him for that and only that."

"Dare to talk like that about someone you once admired so much…"

"I still do, Hanji. And that’s the thing. That’s shit… I admire him as a man who can make it happen. Whatever he wants to happen; happens. But that’s it. That was always it. Then, it happened… We had a thing, a fuck, whatever it was. And then, he simply discarded me, without completely letting me go. That’s fucked up. I’m not some bird in a shitty cage." I walked along the room and stopped half way, looking at her. "I didn’t love him or anything… I just had my pride shattered. And then he was still there, he still is, trying to pick up the pieces he threw on the floor. That’s what upsets me. That’s why I don’t call him or answer him. That’s why I don’t visit."

Hanji sighed. “Are you sure about that? It’s like you either want him in or out of your life.”

"Not even in. I just want him out. But that’s impossible because he clings. He feels responsible for me and he just shouldn’t… He shouldn’t. Either ways, I’m just going to use him."

"And that’s it. You’re going to use him and you’re locked." She walked to me and looked down at my eyes. "You should just face it. It annoys you to be locked by someone who almost made you fall for him."

I stared at her for a while before turning my face to the window. “Add almost on that.”

The rest of the morning was spent cleaning that goddamned room. While Hanji was pretending to fight the dust, I was having a hard time with the mold all over the window. I guessed it was because of how humid that place was, but I still warned Hanji to spray something on it from time to time or it would turn into a bacterial jungle.

We finished cleaning around lunch time; somehow discussing the matters about Erwin in a more paced way. She concluded I had a point but she also made it clear that she understood where Erwin was coming from. I really didn’t give a shit and asked her to just drop it there. If things went as planned, I wouldn’t have to worry about it for much longer. I’d be able to just flee from there and start fresh somewhere else.

When we exited the school building, Hanji invited me to join her for lunch. I asked her about what filthy junk she was going to devour and she simply told me there was a Subway nearby. I rolled my eyes over the thought but I couldn’t just say no. We made our way back to the car and that was when I saw them again, the two shitty brats Erwin was scolding that morning.

The pretty-eyed kid was being held by a raven girl with a rather passive expression, while the horse face was simply shouting some shit I couldn’t quite comprehend. They seemed to be fighting and they were in the way.

"Jean, I’m going to break that face of yours!" The voice came like thunder and I was surprised such a pimp was the owner of it.

Jean, I guessed, threw the other his middle finger in a very disgusting way. “Suck it here, Eren! See if I care. It’s none of your business anyway, so you might just fuck off.”

I stopped, observing the bout, and then tossed Hanji a look. “Shouldn’t you do something about this? I have a feeling the hot-blooded shit head is not joking.”

Hanji, who was still probably processing the whole thing, shoved the car keys back in her wallet and approached the scene. “Hey, kids. Stop it, now.” In my opinion she wasn’t abrasive enough but the unknown presence made both of them snap, so that was ok.

"Who the hell are you?" Jean, I still supposed, eyed my friend from toe to hair.

The pretty-eyed brat was still trashing around, trying to get loose, but the grip of the girl around his arms seemed to be too strong.

Another kid emerged from behind Jean and I guess he was probably the reason why they were fighting. It wasn’t hard to guess, they didn’t strike me as straight – and I had a nature to guess these things. Well, not really. I just noticed how the new appearance seemed to be clinging to Jean horse face’s shirt.

"Eren, it’s ok. It’s not what you think…" The blonde kid said.

"The hell it’s not! How can you even trust him?" The brunette was growling more than before.

"Well, maybe because I’m not some son of a bitch!" That one probably hit hard since the last thing I saw was Eren, I guessed, freeing his right arm and throwing it straight at Jean’s face. The horse face stumbled back and hit his back against Hanji’s car, making the alarm shout as a rat.

"That’s enough!" Hanji threw off in a louder tone that surprised everyone, even me. "I’m calling the principal right now! You better not touch each other anymore or you’ll have a piece of me as well!" With that, she shut down her car’s alarm and threw me a glare. "Levi, watch over them. No one leaves." And with this, she stomped back into the building.

I sighed, half surprised. I knew she could smoke her brains out when she was mad but I never expected her to be this serious. I glared at the brats and noticed how frozen they were, looking back at me. _Right, Hanji can be scary and you haven’t seen her teaching that goddamned science of hers._ I crossed my arms and looked around for a bit, seeing how all the eyes were locked on us. Damn, I hated being stared at. School life sure was lively.

"Eren, you bastard…" Jean mumbled after a while. "You got us in this."

The brunette glared at him. “You called me a son of a bitch… You deserved it. Insult me as much as you want but don’t you dare to insult my mother.” He was growling again.

"Sure, I’ll note that down for next time…"

"What did you say?"

"I believe you two don’t know in how much trouble you’re in." I finally said, gaining full attention from the four of them. "If you want to skin each other off, you better do that somewhere else. Erwin is not a fan of indiscipline, not in his school, and Hanji is a maniac. If I were you, I’d calm down for the time being."

Jean was holding his face as if he’d lost a bit of his jaw. “Who’s Hanji and who are you?” He asked, seeming sort of calm.

I gapped my mouth to reply but the owner of the name replied for me.

"I am Hanji." She said as she stepped towards us with Erwin right behind her.

What followed was what I expected to happen. Erwin gave them one big of a shout, calling out for their conscience and then said he was going to contact their parents for the troubles they had caused during class and for the mess they were in that precise moment. Once he was over he dismissed them and stayed on a long and boring chit chat with Hanji, a chat I didn’t take part in. Instead, I simply sat on the bench nearby, trying not to complain about how hungry I was. However, I was interrupted in the exact moment I was starting to stay oblivious about my hunger.

"Are you a teacher as well?" The voice came from the pretty-eyed boy who was now sitting next to me while the raven girl was checking on his hand.

I glanced at Erwin and Hanji and then at the horse face’s retreating ass as he dashed into his car, dragging that blonde kid along, before looking again at him. “Do I strike you as a teacher?” I asked, poker facing him completely.

"I don’t know… you don’t strike me as a student either." He replied, averting his eyes and looking at the girl in front of him. "Mikasa, I told you I’m fine. Let it go…" He complained.

"But Eren…" She tried to get a hold of him but he shoved her away.

"I’m fine!" He shouted, getting a gawk from Erwin’s direction. "Shit… I should probably leave."

I muffled a laugh. “You probably should.”

He got up and asked the girl for the car keys. I couldn’t help but notice they were the owners of the lame car parked right next to Hanji’s. Before getting inside, however, the brat gave me a half-hearted smile. I admit I was surprised to see that face of his so relaxed, he was even good-looking if he kept it like that.

When they left, I finally gained guts and got up, grabbing Hanji in the middle of her conversation and taking the keys from her wallet before shoving her in the car. “I’m driving.” I said as I closed the door. “Sorry to interrupt but I don’t have your life.” The glare I gave Erwin was strong enough to slice iron, but the man still took it as a challenge and grinned at me. I ignored his attempt to get me at my worst and got in the car.

As we were driving away, Hanji kept silent for a while. She only spoke when I parked right in front of Subway. “Sorry for dragging you into this.”

I blinked. “Dragging me into what exactly?”

"Well, I thought I was doing the right thing… getting you two to meet… then the scene at the parking lot… I know you hate those. I’m sorry…"

Sighing was an option but I contained myself. “I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you think.”

Her face turned to me and I could see her pained expression. “But… like this you won’t visit me at school anymore! And that’s terrible!”

Right, I was always the one keeping up with her _bullshit_ regarding her researches. “It’s fine…” I mumbled before opening the door from my side. “I promise I’ll visit. But now… can we just go eat already? I’m starving and I have classes in two hours.”

Hanji smiled wider than ever. “Thanks. I’ll drive you to college.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not much happening here, but this is where it paces up. I will update this very soon since this weekend will be the anime convention around here and I will have some free time. See you soon.

**_  
_**

Hanji dropped me by the university campus thirty minutes earlier than I had expected. I crossed the lawn and climbed the stairs from the Academy. It was this _bigass_ building of the old ages above some _hugeass_ stairway.

When I arrived at the sliding doors, my eyes met with Erd’s. He was a colleague of mine, also in the same class. Probably one of the few I liked to have around me from time to time.

“Hey, Levi!” He greeted me as he dragged his black cigarette away from his mouth.

I threw by bag beside him and sighed. “Hey…”

“Wow, what’s with the long face?”

“Big morning…” I grunted. “And you, why are you here so early?”

Erd chuckled and then grinned at me. “That group work Professor Jäger asked us to do… Auruo suggested we’d meet this morning to finish it.”

 _Oh, god… Right, the shitty work._ I hauled my hand to my jacket’s pocket and picked up my cellphone, reminded of the message Petra had sent me that morning. She was definitely going to get mad. It was the fifth time I decided to ignore her pleas to work on that paper. “I’m not even started…” I admitted as I tried to dial the fucking password to unlock the goddamned phone. “And no, in case you want to ask, it’s not Petra’s fault.”

I couldn’t see the expression Erd was wearing at that precise moment but I could only imagine it by the tone of his voice. “Levi, don’t drag her down with you.”

“I hate group works…” I mumbled, finally lifting my eyes to look at him. “Plus, it’s Jäger we’re talking about. Having to work one bit of my ass for him makes me upset.”

“You’ll have to do it, Levi.” He said with a flicker of his cigarette, pointing it at me. “Or you’ll fail the subject!” The way he said his last sentence was an attempt to mimic Professor Jäger’s voice, but he failed a big time.

“Take that out of my face.” I only gave a look at his smoky cigar and then rolled my eyes somewhere else. Not that I particularly hated it. I used to smoke as well in the old days, but now it only made me uncomfortable.

“It’s not in your face, it’s in my hand.”

“Take what’s in your hand out of my face.”

He eventually obeyed me and ended up throwing his cigarette at the ground before crushing it with his foot. “Come on, grab your things. Let’s go inside.”

I grabbed my bag and followed him. The main hall of the building was completely empty. No one was there and that made me feel relaxed for a reason or two. We turned on the left and went down some stairs to where the bars were sited. I was still trying to read Petra’s message once more but doing it and walking at the same time was making it almost impossible. I was trying so hard to concentrate that I almost jumped when Erd’s phone started buzzing like a chicken in the middle of the corridor.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” He greeted to whoever was on the other side of the line. “Oh, yeah? I’ve got Levi with me. Ok, bye.” He hanged the call and then turned slightly to look at me. “Gunter is here. He and Auruo are at the new bar.”

I rolled my eyes from my phone to him and gave up on whatever I was doing. When we reached the place, Gunter happily waved at us so we could hurry and sit next to them. Once we did, I felt a lot lighter. This was definitely the best part of my life so far. “Hey…” I saluted as I sat down and threw my bag above the table right in front of Auruo.

“Bonjour, Levi!” Gunter welcomed. “Hi, man…” He threw at Erd with a grin.

“God, drop the French, will you?” I mumbled with a chuckle.

He shifted above his chair. “Pourquoi? It’s funny!”

“Whatever…” I shrugged and looked at Auruo who was gawking at me since he’d seen me arrive. “What is it? Something up your ass?” I knew exactly what was wrong. I’d bet my chances it was about Petra – it was always about her.

He leaned to me and twitched his eyebrows. “You left her alone again.”

I sank down in my place and raised an eyebrow at him. “I was busy.” It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t a truthful excuse either. It was probably somewhere in between.

He mumbled something I couldn’t understand and then turned his head away.

“Ah, talking about that…” Erd warned as he flipped through some papers inside his bag. “We have Jäger’s class next, right?”

I growled and so did Auruo in a very weird attempt to mimic me. “I wonder why teachers like him don’t end up in a hospital for a week or more.” Now, that was pretty evil of me but I didn’t really care.

“Right, I wish it had been him and not Professor Mike.” Gunter agreed. “I mean, Mike is pretty cool. He doesn’t sound at all like the Jägerbomb. Despite being gay and all…”

“Uh, _gay_ …” All of them wavered at the same time.

Erd rolled his eyes to me. “By the way, wasn’t Jäger his last name? Does someone know his first one?”

“I have no idea… I only remember the last one because it’s funny…”

“Oh, you bet that!” Erd giggled.

Gunter snorted as well. “Remember when Levi called him Jägermeister?” That one made everyone laugh, even Auruo forgot for a moment he was supposed to be sulking.

“I’d rather drink that shit than go to a class of his…” I admitted.

“Shamefully for you and everyone else, we’ll have to go to his class. You know how he always decides to make a call when one of us isn’t there.” Erd informed.

I scratched my chin with a plain smirk showing up on my face. “That’s because we always cover up for each other? He almost snapped when he found us out.”

Auruo turned to me. “Wasn’t he the one who said _a good lawyer needs to think ahead of the world_?” There was a slight sarcasm showing up there and I noticed.

“I think it was _ahead of the gods_ …” I mumbled, taking a peek at him by the corner of my eyes.

As usual, he felt uncomfortable with my attitude and turned his attention somewhere else. We never really talked since he’d be this awkward all the time. Even so, whenever Petra was around, he decided to turn into the most annoying shit ever and agree to every single little thing I mouthed. Even if it was a barbaric lie, he’d agree with me. This, of course could be considered weird, but well… It was just his way to call out for Petra’s attention. And it seemed to work pretty well, not in the way he expected it to, though.

“Say, it’s about time we head to the theatre, no?” Gunter suggested after a while.

We all whined at that. None of us really wanted to go, but we all got up and headed to the first floor where we’d be having our first class of the day.

Hanging with these guys always made me forget about how everything was suddenly so dull. They weren’t people I would consider close friends, but they accepted me by who I was and that was very nice. That was actually perfect. “Hey, Erd… Did you bring your car today?” I asked. Since Hanji had been the one driving me everywhere for the day, I would need a lift home. “I am carless at the moment…”

“Sure, man.”

The stairs to the first floor seemed longer than usual today. It was probably because I was still dozing off since that morning. When we finally arrived at the theater’s entrance, Erd raised a hand as evidence for us to stop.

“Someone’s there.” He mumbled.

“So?” I grunted. Clearly, there was someone inside. I could hear voices and the door was only slightly open.

Erd turned to me. He was about to freak out. “What if it’s _him_? I don’t want to see _him_ unless it’s a class… and no one’s here yet!”

“You mean Professor Jäger? _Jesus Fucking Christ_ , Erd… Just ignore the shit out of him…” And with that, I threw my hands at the slightly opened door and stepped into the room, followed by the three of them.

Whoever was talking was thrown in complete silence once we entered the area. My eyes quickly glanced at the center of the big table standing in front of a big absent audience. Just as Erd suspected, it was indeed Professor Jäger. He was regarding us with a very annoyed yet puzzled look. In theory, I wouldn’t have minded that. But the fact that there was a kid right next to him made me stop. “Ah… Sorry for disturbing.” I quickly added as I stood there.

Professor Jäger stood up from his chair and gave a look to the brat who I quickly recognized to be the pretty-eyed boy from that morning. “It’s alright.” He started before looking at us, me more exactly. “Do you excuse us for a moment? It’s a family conversation.”

I felt Erd squeeze my shirt behind me and I didn’t need to turn to know they were probably about to burst into laughter. “Of course, my bad…” I robotically said.

“Not at all, Levi.”

We slowly stepped outside, not exactly knowing where to place our feet, and then, after closing the door, I felt myself being dragged along the first floor’s corridor.

“Oh. My. God.” Erd exclaimed. “Was that what I think it was?”

My mind was still processing the whole thing. “Probably his kid?”

“I never assumed Jägermeister had a wife…” Gunter confessed.

“Who would assume such a thing? The man is devious, _Jesus_!”

Auruo was still looking at the theater’s door. “I had a feeling that was his grandkid for a moment… I mean, Professor Jäger looks so old…”

I snorted. “You say that, but you look like you’re in your late thirties as well.”

“Huh?” He turned to me, again with an awkward expression.

A few people started gathering by the room’s entry and so we got closer as well. Erd and Gunter kept trying to give guesses regarding Professor Jäger real age and Auruo was simply trying to message Petra who seemed to be missing among the crowd.

Finally, after a while, the brunette kid exited through the door. He was looking rather upset and the fact that everyone was eyeing him as if he was an animal was probably making him feel even worse.

I was leaning my back against the wall, watching him as he stepped away from the crowd. I hadn’t planned to say a shit, I was just looking. Who would have guessed the world was so small. Even so, for much of my misfortune, I felt Erd push me again. “God, what is it?” I whispered. “We should enter now. It’s already ten minutes past the –” I didn’t have time to finish whatever I was about to say because I was literally standing now in front of that kid with three guys around me. “What…?” Was the best I could come up with as my eyes hit the brunette’s gaze. And _damn_ , he was tall.

Erd wrapped his arm around the brunette’s shoulder and dragged him closer to us. “Say, kid… Are you Professor Jäger’s son?”

He looked scared. Yes, he was definitely scared but he was still trying to put up with that attitude of _wanna-pick-a-fight_. “Huh?” He looked at Erd, slowly trying to free himself and then looked at each one of us, taking his time when his eyes rolled down to me.

“Hi…” I wasn’t really trying to acknowledge anything. I just wanted to assure him there was a familiar face there and that it was ok, despite the fact that we had only just met that same morning. “Erd… let him go. You’re freaking him out.”

Erd slowly released the grip. “Oh, sorry… Wait. You know each other?”

I clicked my tongue and saw the brat give me a confused look. “We met this morning…” I explained; already annoyed because I was remembering what happened. “Anyway, we’re late. Let’s go.”

“Wait!” Erd stopped me. “Say, kid. Is Jägermeister you father?”

“What’s your name?” Gunter asked right away.

“Goddamned freaks, take it easy!” I finally raised my tone for much of their surprise. “Anyway… Look.” I pointed at the door. “It’s closed. We might as well just go somewhere else because we can’t enter anymore.” I complained, giving Erd a gawk.

He gave me a half-hearted smile and then scratched his head. “Yeah, well sorry…”

“Petra is not coming either.” Auruo finally said.

“Jesus, leave Petra alone.” I grunted as I finally started to walk away from them. This day couldn’t get any better.

 I heard steps behind me and I guessed they were probably following me down the stairs. Though, for much of my annoyance they seemed to have brought the kid along.

“Your name! Tell us your name.”

“Eren…”

“Eren? Eren Jäger?”

“Yeah… Ahm, sorry but what is this about?”

I heard Erd cough in a weird way. “Well, this is about a couple of university students kidnapping their teacher’s kid to ask him a few questions regarding that same teacher!” He seemed way too enthusiast about it.

Next, I heard a chuckle. I guessed it came from the so called Eren. “What… my dad’s weird or something?”

“Weird?!” They all shouted at the same time.

“He’s the devoid of emotion!” Erd spoke in a theatrical way. “He’s the devil in flesh and bone. I swear someone like him shouldn’t be allowed to teach.”

“Is that so?” Eren didn’t seem surprised. “Well, he’s a bit strict…” He didn’t need to go on. At least, not to me… Erd still shoved him with a couple of questions until we finally reached the front door of the building, but to me it died right there. It was pretty obvious by the way he said it. I didn’t need to see his face.

I sat on the stairway, after a throughout investigation to see if there was any dirt or dust around, as I waited for the rest of them to catch up to me. The weather was pretty nice. The sun wasn’t too strong and the wind was cool. It was actually the first time today I had the chance to notice such thing.

“Damn, it’s so nice outside.” Gunter pointed out as he sat next to me.

Erd was still wrapping the kid with this bunch of questions the other didn’t even have the time to reply. Deep down, I wanted to laugh at that. Erd would definitely be a hell of a lawyer.

“And this is how you skip a class you never wanted to attend to in the first place.” Auruo mumbled, still holding on to his phone.

“True. So now what?” Gunter asked.

I took a deep breath and then sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll probably stay around.”

“Ok. Well, we have an hour. Someone wants to hit the pub down town?”

Erd snapped out of Eren for a while. “Oh my god. I do! I’ve got my car. We’ll be there in ten. Come on…” He waved at us and started going down the stairway.

“You sure you’re not coming?”

I chuckled as I massaged my forehead with my thumb. “I’m certain. Just go, Gunter. And take this idiot with you. He and his phone are getting on my nerves.” I mumbled while point at Auruo with my other hand.

“Sure, let’s go baby Auruo! Momma Petra will be here for you later.” He teased.

They left in a hurry, making a fuss of whatever they were talking about. I had to hold a snicker when I saw Erd wave at Eren and screaming he’d hunt him down again some other time. Those guys were way too lively sometimes.

“Ahm… Sorry, do you mind if I sit?”

I looked up to see Eren addressing me with that half-assed smile of his. “Sure.” I mumbled. Only this time, I noticed what the brat was wearing. He didn’t look at all like that Professor’s kid. Not even one bit of classy in him.

“Ahm… Levi was it?”

God, he was making this awkward. He didn’t strike me as shy at all this morning so what was his deal now? “Levi.” I consented. “And you’re Eren…” I saw him nod at that. “Sorry about the whole hassle. They really don’t know when to drop it.” I wasn’t really one to excuse myself but I had to throw the awkwardness away.

“Ah, it’s fine. I am actually glad to see I am not the only one thinking that way.” Just like I thought, there was a bit of personal hatred to his previous reference to his father. “You guys have it bad, huh?” He was still being awkward, scratching his head in an obstinate way.

Being a shit was a thing. Being curious was another thing. And then there was _my thing_ , one that didn’t really care about either or not my questions were answered or if they were taken as a possible insult to someone’s priorities. “Not as bad as you. I guess that was about this morning…?”

“Right…” He clicked his tongue and I saw him express something different now. Not bad. “I guess the Smithy didn’t waste any time calling our parents.”

Now, I was dumbfounded. “Smithy?” I looked directly at him. “You don’t mean Erwin Smith, do you?” I’d never heard that one before but it had a nice ring to it.

“There’s that…” He laughed. “And then there’s _King Handsome_.”

“Oh my god, I love your generation.” That came out faster than I expected and I found myself smiling and hiding my face between my hands. I stayed like that for a while, only moving when I heard him get up. I followed his gaze down to a car parked on the road right after the green field. I predicted that would be the girl from this morning by the raven head I saw pop out of the car. “There’s your ride.” I guessed.

He looked at me. “You sure you’re staying?”

I rolled my eyes up catching his and probably glaring at him. “What are you suggesting?”

Eren threw his hands up and chuckled. “Nothing at all! Just wondering… Well, I’ll see you then.” He waved and then left.

My eyes scanned him from his feet to his head, or at least that was what I intended to do but they got somehow caught in between his ass. Jesus, now I was looking at a brat. I had other things to worry about, actually. Like that filthy work, to start with.

I got up with my mind made up. “I guess I’ll just take a stroll to the library…” I mumbled as I grabbed my things and went back inside.

****


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to thank Suzu and Cláudia for the epic supporting on this and also for their amazing taste in music. Thank you for introducing me to epic tracks all the time and for sharing the same likes I do, Suzu.
> 
> Also, this chapter will be followed by chapter four in a time sequence, so you'll have more of Eren and Levi right there.

 

The following week went by so slowly I almost thought time had stopped. I ended up meeting up with Petra to work on the shitty paper Professor Jäger had asked from us. Nanaba, who I only knew to be Professor Mike’s boyfriend, was presented to me as someone really close to Petra. I couldn’t help but scan the guy. He was surprisingly fetching and I found myself wondering where the fuck Mike had found such _pearl_. He helped us out by allowing us to give a look at his paper work from his fourth year. It was good to be acquaintances with someone who had already finished the course.

When Friday finally came, I was glad to have a gorgeous schedule that didn’t keep me in the university after one o’clock. Erd and the guys invited me to some useless party I unwillingly accepted to attend, but that wouldn’t be until that night so I rushed home once I was done with classes.

Living alone turned out to be a good thing. When I first thought about it four years ago it did sound a bit lonely. But now that I was used to it, it was mostly perfect. Not only the place would be clean and immaculate just like I would always leave it, but also I didn’t have to worry about anyone else but myself. I wouldn’t have to take with someone else’s shit, only my own – which was already a lot to handle.

I locked the door once I was in. Just a usual procedure I had gotten used to. My house wasn’t that big. There was only a living room pasted to some _bloody_ kitchen I never used and then a bedroom and a bathroom.

After taking off my shoes, I walked in and placed my bag above the counter before heading to the sofa. Since the days were getting warmer, I grabbed the remote to turn on the AC. I sat there for a while, eyes craved on the ceiling, wondering about nothing in particular.

Then, my gaze rolled to the TV’s remote and I leaned on my side to grab it and turn on the small screen. It was just this little widescreen little box Hanji helped me buy when I started living there.

MTV was on in a matter of seconds, broadcasting _Counting Stars_ by OneRepublic. It was funny how much the lyrics told me the story of my life. The only thing missing would be _the baby to count the stars with me and the love that is burning…_ Goddamn it, how depressing could this get?

Dedicating myself to something more useful, I simply stayed there trying to count how many times the song _Wrecking Ball_ would air for the next six hours. Moving, like getting up, to eat was definitely out of question and if it wasn’t for my phone ringing at six and a half, I would have mummified in that goddamned sofa.

“What?” Was the grumpy way I answered the call without even giving a fuck to who I was talking to. “What is it?”

 _“Hey, Levi!”_ It was Hanji’s voice. _“How are you?”_

“I’m fine… Or I was until you called me.” I growled. “What is it?”

_“What are you doing tonight?”_

“Party.”

 _“What?”_ She laughed.

“Party.” I repeated. For my own sake I simply pulled the phone away from my ear once I heard her take in a deep breath.

 _“Oh my god, Levi! You’re actually going out? To a party? Oh my god, who’s stealing my best friend? Oh my god, I can’t even…”_ She paused and I rolled my eyes. _“Who’s the guy?”_

 _Right_ , I kept forgetting she knew about my sexual preferences. “Petra and the gang are going… some college shit. And they invited me…” I answered.

 _“Oh. Did you finally decide to be a true college student? Are you growing up?”_ I heard her snort. _“Or growing down…?”_

“Do you have a death wish?” I snapped. “I hate talking on the phone, I might be gay but not _that_ gay so spit it out, four-eyes.”

She laughed. _“Oh, well… I was going to invite you to come with me to this epic bar that will open tonight.”_ By the way she was talking I knew she hadn’t given up on the idea. _“You know… just you and me like back in the old times.”_

I sighed. “You mean like last week. _Jesus_ , Hanji.”

_“For someone who’s not even religious you do use His name a lot.”_

“Shut the fuck up.” I scratched my forehead. “Actually… You come in a pretty decent time. I don’t know how much that shit is supposed to last but feel free to pick me up after ten.”

_“So you’re coming?”_

“ _Yes_ , Hanji. I can still weight situations. I haven’t gone dumb, yet.”

 _“Good. I’ll see you then!”_ And with that, she hung up.

I stared blankly at the screen wondering how my life loved to spin this much in a whole twenty-four hours gap time from time to time. I only came back to reality when the song _3000 Miles_ started playing and I got up to run away from the depressing lyrics.

I went to my room and undressed my white shirt which was now all wrinkled from my mischievous position for the past six hours on the sofa. Then, I grabbed some hooded dark-blue sweatshirt that had been sitting on my wardrobe for ages. That wouldn’t look too bad with my slim jeans, I hopped.

My phone rang again a few minutes later. I picked it up while I was reaching for my keys and wallet. “Hey…”

 _“Hey, man! Get down. We’re here already.”_ Erd shouted between some loud music.

Five minutes later, I was trying to find the belt from one of the backseats of Erd’s Leon. Petra was sitting right between me and Auruo, who kept giving me weird looks. Gunter was sitting in the front’s passenger’s seat.

“Oh, Levi…” Petra called as she leaned to me with her eyes closed. “You smell nice…”

I blinked. “Did you just sniff me?”

“She’s catching Mike’s bad habits.” Gunter snorted.

I sighed. “It’s probably my cologne… But it’s the same shit I wear every day…”

“Which is…?” I felt the glint in her voice.

I rolled my eyes. “Huh… Armani Code, I guess.”

The rest of the jaunt was spent discussing cologne fragrances, something I noted Auruo was really into somehow. Though, I didn’t know if it was because of how Petra had complemented me or because he was actually interested in the subject.

When we arrived at the place where the party was sited, I was glad Auruo was sticking to me because Petra stumbled on the lawn with those high heels of hers and fell over him. It was a nice circumstance to watch since Auruo became flustered enough to keep his face red for the next thirty minutes.

The party seemed to be a campus thing. All the faculties seemed to be there. The music was so loud that we had to scream in order to hear each other. That was not my environment at all, but I made an effort to keep up.

“So what do you guys want to eat?” Erd asked after we checked the whole place around. “It’s almost nine o’clock.”

I was glad for a second that I would only have to stay for another hour. “I bet the only thing you can eat in here is junk food…”

“I am craving for a hot dog!” Gunter shouted.

“Same.” Petra admitted with a loud giggle.

“Ok. I’m gonna get the stuff. Levi, Auruo, you guys want something?”

Auruo saw me shake my head and so he did the same.

“Ok. Gunter, come help me. I’ll bring beer for everyone!”

“Count me out.” I mumbled to which he nodded.

The tension around the three of us rose the moment the others left. Petra kept looking around, probably trying to pick up a subject and Auruo was still pretty flustered about what had happened at the entrance.

I tried not to be a dick and came up with a rather nice topic. “Are you guys going somewhere this summer?” My tone was lacking initiative but it still did the thing.

Petra rushed her eyes on me and smiled. “I am going to spend it with my family. What about you guys?”

“Ah, right. Your parents live in the countryside…” I remembered. “I don’t know yet. Probably the usual…”

Auruo kept quiet and Petra went on. “It’s our last year… I can’t believe it… What do you plan to do after this, Levi? Are you going to work somewhere?”

I knew that the tone in her voice was showing a rather awkward interest, as if she was expecting something out of my answer. It hadn’t been that long ago that she almost confessed to have _feelings_ for me. To what I replied I with a polite _no_. Plus, was she just oblivious about how Auruo felt about her? This was pretty shitty… “I don’t know yet… Nothing to do with Law, though…” I could actually stop it by saying I was by far more interested in men than women, but that would just be a blunt arrow in her chest. I didn’t want to be that guy.

“Oh, I see… What about you, Auruo?”

Before he could answer her, I stepped in – _what the hell am I doing?_ “What about you, Petra?”

“Oh, jurisdiction sounds nice.” She said as she smiled again.

“Hm… Wasn’t that what you were aiming for too?” I asked, now turning my attention to the flustered stick right next to her.

Auruo blinked at me in confusion and then gagged with his own saliva. “Ahm-Eh-Ah! Yes, yes…” He clumsily replied.

“Eh, really?” Petra’s eyes lit up and I was content with my little Cupid work.

When Gunter and Erd came back, the other two had engaged in a rather interesting dialogue about their own futures. It was actually nice seeing Auruo step out of that inept side of his and show-off in front of Petra just like he’d usually do. I even found myself laughing at it.

My phone rang and I rushed to pick it up. It was Hanji warning me she was waiting for me by the nearest parking lot. I quickly shoved a goodbye at the gang, saying Hanji needed me, and left the place before they could start asking me about it.

I rushed into her car like a torpedo and she was laughing like an idiot over my disconcerted expression and heavy breathing.

“Oh my god, you’re so funny when you really decide to run from situations…”

“I run from situations all the time.” I admitted as I locked the belt.

She slapped the wheel. “Oh, yes you do!”

I leaned over to the front and opened the bag full of CDs right in front of my feet. “What do you have here…? I need good music.”

She laughed as she turned to exit the parking lot. “I dunno… Scorpions, Muse…”

“There’s that one… I liked it.” I turned my head to look at her. “The one you showed me…”

“Oh! The one by John Rzeznik… _I’m Still Here_? That’s still on, I think… Wait, let me…” She reached to turn on the radio and clicked on the CD Reader button.

Hanji always had a pretty good taste in music. She was a bit classy so she liked the old stuff. She was also very picky about the new songs, especially the ones on the top 50.

At another turn, the music finally started playing and I leaned back on my seat.

“It’s a good song…” Hanji admitted and then bowed slightly to look at me. “It’s pretty much your song, Levi.”

I kept quiet the whole time. Only when the track was finally over, I turned to Hanji. “Where’s that goddamned place at, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s in the suburbs but it seems to be pretty cool. I heard about it through some kids at school and then I heard Erwin talking about it with his wife on the phone. So yeah, I wanna check it out!”

I nodded. “Right… Wait.” I stopped and blinked and then turned _very_ slowly to Hanji. “ _His wife_?” I exclaimed. “Since when…?”

Hanji gulped and then blinked as well in confusion. “Eh?”

“You said _wife_ …”

“I did… but…”

“Hanji!” I cried out.

“I mean, you didn’t know? Wasn’t that why you two ended it back then?”

“No!” I was shaking my head. “Fuck no… He didn’t tell me it was about that…”

“Oh, Levi…” She mumbled.

For a reason, that shocked me. But it also made me feel relieved. I always blamed it on me in a way I considered I wasn’t good enough, and blamed him for throwing me away for that same reason, but now it was clear. That wasn’t the reason. That made it so much easier. Why hadn’t that son of a bitch told me about it? “It’s fine… I’m just amazed at the shit that guy has for brains…”

We kept the rest of the way in silence just listening to the music that had randomly been put together in that epic CD.

When we finally arrived, I was surprised to see how calm and neat that neighborhood was. The bar was just this tiny door with some big letters above it. OUR PLACE, it said.

“How cliché…” I mumbled once I stepped out of the car.

Hanji, happy about how I was talking normally again, came running to me in a rush. “Pretty cool, huh? It’s a cute name.”

“Yeah. Lock the vehicle, four-eyes.” I remembered, not even waiting to consider how many times she’d forget to do so in my absence.

We crossed the street and walked into the place. The background music had this cool Irish ring to it, the people weren’t talking that loud and there weren’t many smokers around.

I crossed my arms, looking around as I walked in and probably gawking at everything and everyone around. I probably only softened my face to the bar tender who politely welcomed us in. “This is a nice place…” I said as I reached out for a seat in the table we had chosen.

Hanji sat straight up on the chair I had just pulled. “I know. I rock.”

I smirked. “You suck… but you got a point for this.” I ruffled her hair and heard her chuckle.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been that cute.”

“Next time, I’ll shove my hand up your ass… or wait, that’s just disgusting.” I corrected. “I’ll wear gloves just in case.”

She threw her hands up. “Gross.”

A pretty small girl with an angelical face came to our table. “Hello, Professor Hanji! I’m glad to see you here.” Her smile was gorgeous. I’d never seen such a pretty girl before.

“Oh! Christa! You look so neat, dressed like that. This is Levi!” Hanji pointed at me. “Levi, this is Christa Renz. She’s a student of mine.” She turned to the blonde girl again. “So you actually work here! I thought it was just your family…”

The small girl bowed her head to me before turning the Hanji again. “Oh, I like to help out my parents. Plus, Ymir will start working here as part-timer so it’s nice to be around…” She smiled even wider. “So what would you like to order?”

“I want a margarita, please.” Hanji requested.

I looked over to the big menu listed on the wall. “I’d like an Irish Coffee…”

Christa bowed again and left.

“She’s cute.” I admitted.

Hanji’s eyes widened behind her glasses in a way I’d never seen before. “Wow… You just complimented a girl. Oh my god.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “I do that a lot…?”

“Yeah?” She propped over the table and placed her chin above her hands. “When was the last time you ever complimented me?”

“I compliment pretty girls a lot…”

She leaned back a bit offended. “Oh, so you’re an ass!”

I sighed. “Nice to meet you.”

“God, you ass…” She kept cursing.

Our drinks came a few minutes later. Christa was kind enough to ask if we wanted something to bite on to what Hanji and I disagreed so Christa said she’d bring some peanuts and she did.

Hanji took a full gulp out of her margarita and then looked at me above her glasses. “So… tell me about life. How’s been your week?”

I leaned back and crossed my arms. “Normal…”

She smiled. “You could make an effort, you know?”

I looked up to think about something she’d like to hear about. “Well, I met this guy –”

“Oh my god! Who?” She slammed the table.

“Take it easy…” I mumbled. “He’s dating already.”

“Oh.”

“But he’s really…” I paused. “Nice to the eyes…”

She laughed. “I am having a déjà vu.”

“It’s not my fault the pretty ones are all taken. Plus, I’m not that needy.”

“Hnhn…”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be nice to have someone to fuck.” I whispered.

“Jesus Christ, Levi.” She almost chocked on her drink.

By the corner of my eyes I saw how someone approached. I didn’t turn to see who it was but by the way he was standing there for longer than anyone usually would, I guessed he was going to address any of us.

“Professor Hanji?” A bald guy called out.

Hanji’s eyes rose from me to the guy next to our table. “Oh, Connie… was it?”

I looked over to check him out, but my eyes quickly noticed someone else. Right behind the supposed Connie, were two girls I’d never seen before and Eren. He was shaking his head while hiding it behind his hands as if disapproving Connie’s idea to walk over to their new science teacher.

“What brings you here?” Hanji asked.

“Oh, well… friends support their friend’s business.” Connie said with a loud snort.

“Can we seat?” One of the girls, with a rather peculiar face, asked. “All the tables are taken…”

Hanji looked at me and I shrugged. “Of course, Sasha!”

I saw Eren’s lips turn into a ‘ _oh my god’_ but, before he could voice out any complaining, his eyes landed on mine.

“Levi?” He asked, sitting right beside once I acknowledged him.

So he remembered my name? “Hey…”

The rest of them looked puzzled at us.

“Oh…” Eren started. “We met where my dad works… Levi studies Law there.” He seemed rather apologetic when he told Hanji that sentence, as if he was trying to say he wasn’t in any sort of trouble.

_How cute._

The kids sat with us and ordered their drinks. Both Hanji and I tried to overlook the fact that they were only 16 and went along with it.

When the conversation turned into a science subject, Eren logged out of the whole thing and I saw him lean slightly to me. He had spent the whole time pretty quiet, only voicing out an opinion or two. Connie, Sasha and Hannah – I later learned – engaged in a conversation with Hanji neither Eren nor I wanted to take part in.

“What’s up?” I asked after a while.

Eren turned slightly to me. “Nothing… I just find this whole student-teacher relationship really weird.” He admitted.

I could tell from where he was coming from. It was normal to keep a certain distance, but that was just like Hanji. “It’s funny how calm you actually are… When I first met you there was this hurricane around you.” I said, trying to change the subject.

He growled. “Oh, yeah… Jean…”

I leaned my head just slightly, trying to catch his gaze. “Jean?” It wasn’t curiosity.

“That horse face…” Oh, so we agreed on that one. “It’s annoying…” He took a peek at me as if trying to understand I was a person he could trust. This guy was just cautious, wasn’t he? “He brain-washed my best friend…”

I blinked at him. “Brain-washed?” I could feel this amazing novel unwrapping underneath.

“Well…” He was whispering and I had to lock my eyes on his lips so I could read what he was saying. “Armin, my best friend, was always a bit two sided about his likes… like gender and all… And after Jean’s boyfriend died, Armin simply started hanging with Jean a lot and now it seems they’re dating… And I –”

“Wow, stop…” I interrupted. “Too much information at once…” I wasn’t really interested but he wanted to talk and I had nothing better to do so why not? “So… Jean had boyfriend and the boyfriend died… Armin was there for him and so Jean developed feelings for him.” I was amazed at how I could remember all those names and deduce all those things with so little information. I was glad Law actually did a good thing to me. “Armin felt like he was needed and he went along with it and now they’re dating… And you think Jean is using him because you two don’t go along that well.” When I stopped he was looking at me with his mouth open. “What…? Want a dick down your throat?”

He shook his head. “No! Gross! What?” He blinked. “God, no… But wow, yes… that’s kinda it.”

“Oh?” I grinned and he blushed.

He waved his hands at me. “God, no… Don’t! I meant your deduction!” He cried out, gaining full attention from the rest of the group.

“So…” I finally said when we were alone at the subject again. “What do you want me to do with your report? Write a novel?”

For a moment, I think I saw him conflicted about what emotion to show, if indignation or just laugh at my joke. He opted for the first, careful as he was. “Well, you asked…”

“I was bored.” I grabbed my drink and took a sip. It wasn’t that hot anymore. “But if you want my advice, then, stay out of it. Support your friend and don’t throw hatred on him just because you don’t like Jean, or something.”

He blinked, again. “I was actually expecting you to snap at the fact that I am openly talking about boys… with boys…”

I shrugged. “Kid, I’d sell my ass on eBay if I didn’t have a pride.”

It took him a while to get it and his expression kept changing while he digested my words. “Wait… you’re… you’re gay?!” He was one bit too loud and I heard Hanji spit something when everyone who had heard him turned to us.

I had my mouth open for a while but closed it when I turned to glare at Eren. I saw him flinch and sink in his seat and I was glad to have that intimidating effect on him.

“Sorry…” He whispered after a while.

Sasha was dropping peanuts from her mouth in a very disgusting way, while Connie and Hannah were simply craving their eyes on me. Hanji was trembling as she muffled a laugh.

I kept my cool, trying not to sound too caught up in the situation. That night was probably going to be a long one. Longer than I had expected it to…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Eren doesn't like the word "gay" that much. And yes, conflict is about to strike Levi. But please don't go away...? It's all love and fluff in the end. Pinky swear!

 

Keeping to my drink for the next couple of minutes turned out to be the best choice. Hanji made a good job getting the brats’ attention again and I noticed Eren glance at me with that apologetic face of his for more than once.

I also saw him pinch Connie’s arm more than once, probably asking to go somewhere else. He really wasn’t comfortable at all and, when he suddenly got up with the excuse he was going to get some air outside, I was one hundred per cent certain that Hanji’s presence and probably mine made him feel uncomfortable.

I finished my Irish coffee and looked around the table to check on everyone else. That was when my head made the click, warning me I hadn’t eat a shit since that morning. My eyes flipped over to the menu on the wall, searching for anything eatable and fulfilling. But besides a bunch of snacks, there wasn’t really anything interesting.

I soon remembered about the convenience store up the street. “Hanji…” I called out as I got up. “I need something to bite. You guys want anything?”

Hanji blinked at me and then looked above her glasses, but seeing my poker face made whatever thought she was having retreat to the back of her head. “Are you going to that convenience store?” She saw me nod. “Oh, well… whatever. Bring whatever you want. You guys want something?”

Hannah shook her head and so did Connie. But Sasha was giving me a few sparkling miens.

“You can come too, if you want…” I mumbled.

She got up in a second and clapped her hands. “Thank you, sir!”

My eyes widened. “It’s Levi…”

“Thank you, sir Levi!”

I gave up on trying instructing her. Before turning around, I saw Hanji wave her fingers at me and smile. I had no idea what was going through her mind but it was probably something worth crushing her for.

When we made our way outside, Eren was sitting on the step between the bar and the outdoor walk. “Hey, kid.” I called in a grave tone. “You’re in the way.”

First, he looked at me above his shoulder with that usual face of his. But when he noticed it was me, his eyes widened and he got up in an instant. “Sorry…” He said as he cleaned the back of his jeans.

I stepped outside followed by Sasha and her drooling face. “You keep saying that for a while now… Shut the fuck up.”

He blinked and I saw him bit his lip. “Not really, I mean… Sorry. This week has been a mess and that’s probably why I –”

“Really?” I gawked at him with sharp eyes. “Are you going to be that guy? Don’t blame your lack of touch on your stupid week.” I was being abrasive, yes. But I wasn’t mad. That was just the normal me showing up. I saw him lower his head. “Anyway, we’re going to the convenience store up the street. You wanna come?”

He raised his chin and prepared an answer but it didn’t come out.

I waited for a while but then I decided to let it go and sighed. “Whatever. We’re going.” And with that, I turned to walk away with Sasha following me.

She kept humming a song I guessed to be _Suffer Well_ from Depeche Mode. I was surprised she knew about such music, but I kept quiet until she finally spoke. “Oh, Eren! You came.”

My head sank as if a rock had just hit it hard enough for the effect and I turned faintly to look back. I saw Eren and his sulking face. I couldn’t help but notice how his lower lip curved just as slightly when he was pouting. His eyebrows bowed just likewise but his eyes were sort of remorseful. With a snort, I turned my head to the front again.

Sasha’s humming stopped and then resumed again, but this time she was purring the song _La La La_ that kept broadcasting on the radio all the time.

“Ah, that song…” Eren finally yakked. “I like it.”

“Me too!” The girl giggled. “Makes my appetite grow even more…”

I muffled a laugh over her scary tone and Eren’s lack of words.

“Have you seen the video clip?” He asked to no one in particular. “It kinda reminds me of The Wizard of Oz…”

“Kind of…” I said. “But it’s a Bolivian legend about a boy who ran away from home.”

“A Bolivian legend?”

“Concerns a boy who fled from his abusive home and found a stray dog that accompanied him since then... After living on the streets for undefined amount of time he discovers that he has a special talent to perceive people's troubles, which he can heal by screaming. His screams can be as loud as a tornado.” I paused. “There’s this prophecy about a demon from the mines and the kid… In the end, they arrive at the demon’s cave. The boy could be seen as a big sacrifice to redeem the miners from the demon’s undesirable influence.”

There was a bit of silence but Sasha finally broke it. “That’s deep… I don’t really understand but it sounds so cool!”

“How do you even know all that?” Eren asked in an astounded tone.

I stopped and turned above my right foot only to see him stop too. My hands slid to my pockets and I slightly leaned my head back, throwing him my smile made for pitiful people. “Why so surprised?”

He blushed. No, he actually turned into a tomato and started tripping all over his words. I was surprised by that and it made me pity him even more by just snorting and turning to catch up with Sasha who was already ahead of us.

“You’re cute.” I mumbled.

“I don’t want to hear that coming from someone like you.”

I tried not to sound too offended. “Wow, nice one. You can compete with me on the _being an ass_ contest. Really…? Is it because you found out I don’t see the world as straight as most people do?” I chuckled. “For god’s sake, Eren… If this is how you treat your friend then I can understand why he wouldn’t even turn to look at you back then.”

“Don’t talk about what you don’t know.”

I stopped, again, and turned, again. “Same back at you, kid.”

His stare was challenging but he quickly averted his eyes from mine. “Sorry…”

“See? You change your attitude by a blink of an eye. You chit chat to your heart’s content and then you regret the shit you say? Lame, kid.”

He started walking, throwing his hands in his pockets as well. As he passed by I saw him sulk again. “That’s not it. I just can’t figure you out. I don’t get it.”

That would be normal. It’s not like we knew each other. If it wasn’t for our casual and unusual meetings, we wouldn’t even be talking at that moment. Plus, what was he? Some kid with special powers to read other people?

When we reached the convenience store, Sasha was already digging in the food section, probably searching for something that would be even more appealing than the rest she already had in her hands.

I headed to the sandwich segment and grabbed a simple one with cheese. They weren’t very appealing but at least they were packed up. “You want something?” I asked as I turned to Eren. “I’m the one paying…”

Sasha’s head emerged from one of the shelves. “Oh, thanks!”

“I’m fine.” Eren mumbled.

I headed to the counter while waiting for the girl to decide on what she would take. “Drop it, Eren. Really… You’re making this awkward.” I said, noticing how far away he was standing from me. “I won’t climb on you, kid.”

He threw me his best deviant look. “Stop calling me a kid…”

“Kid.”

“Damn…” He sighed. “Ok. Fine.” He stepped closer and leaned right next to me on the counter. “I should just apologize to Armin, right?”

So he was thinking about that? _He overthinks a lot it seems_. “From what I can understand, yes.”

Eren clicked his tongue. It was easy to notice his pride was almost as big as mine so apologizing wouldn’t be easy. Even so, there was the fact that he kept doing it with me. “Ok, but I can’t do that about that horse face…”

“You don’t really have to…” Now that I noticed, I was talking way too much. “But next time you decide to throw your guts on him, remember to shove yourself in his shoes and understand that it’s not easy to be him. I can only guess that much.”

He nodded and then threw his head back with a sight. I had to avert my eyes from him because it would be weird if after all that he caught me eyeing his neck’s curve. “I’ve been running away, I guess. Not even Mikasa is with me… so I guess I really am running away.” He leaned to the front again. “Facing this shit sucks.”

“Who’s Mikasa, your girlfriend?”

“God, no.” He looked angry. “She’s my sister… adopted… sister… whatever.” He looked at me. “That’s how I got stuck with Connie. I’ve been avoiding Armin and any attempt of Mikasa to join us together.”

“I see…” I grabbed the box Sasha threw at me as she stepped closer and then turned to the man behind the counter to pay for the two sandwich boxes. I was glad they were cheap.

On the way back, both Eren and Sasha kept singing to _La La La_. I was amazed at how that girl could sing with her mouth full of food, but it was actually funny. Eren, on the other hand, seemed to be a pretty good singer. His voice was somehow amazing. I remembered how it resonated like thunder when I first saw him and I found myself wondering how amazing he was for having such vocal sound.

“So, did your dad punish you hard?” I asked as I chomped on my half of the sandwich, intending to save the other half for Hanji.

Eren regarded me a bit lost but he chuckled when he got my point. “Oh, starting Monday… I basically have to go meet him every day and study or whatever.”

My stomach growled slightly after I swallowed my first bite. Even though it wasn’t fresh, it still felt like decent. I was just so hungry and I didn’t even notice it. “So that means I’ll be seeing you around college, right?” I asked, not really interested in his answer and more in what I had in front of my mouth at that moment.

He probably nodded but I didn’t see it. “Well, it would be nice to see a familiar face besides my dad around there…”

“Don’t worry. Erd won’t let go once he puts his hands on you.” I warned, remembering how he was so eager over the fact Professor Jäger had a kid. “He spent the whole week talking about it. It was sort of annoying.”

“Erd? You mean that friend of yours from the other way?”

Sasha made a weird noise and stepped in front of me. “So you go to college, huh? How nice. What is it like, college?”

I stopped so I wouldn’t bump into her, and Eren stopped as well. “It’s nice, I guess…” I mumbled while I eyed my food. “I wouldn’t be there if someone hadn’t insisted, though…” I admitted, gaining two expectant eyes on me. “It’s just boring how we keep ourselves to the rules from society so we can adapt and not fall into oblivion.” With that, I turned around Sasha and kept walking.

“So you consider university boring?” She asked.

“To the likes of me, it is.” I mumbled not too low.

“You do sound expectant…” Eren mumbled almost above me and blinked cautiously at me when I turned to look at him. “Like you expect the boredom to end…”

I nodded. “I guess… I might. But when you spend so much time watching other people, you just don’t know anymore…”

He smiled and walked past Sasha who was still a bit confused. When he walked by me, his hand brushed against my forehead, as if he was whipping my thoughts away. “Instead of waiting, just to something about it…”

My eyes followed him for a while as I thought about his words. It wasn’t that easy but he wasn’t wrong about it. I took my bread to my mouth and chomped loudly on it.

We walked all in silence for a while. When we reached the bar, Sasha rushed in like a tornado leaving me and Eren sort of expectant at the door.

“Is she always like that?” I asked. “For a moment I was sure I could confess my crimes and she wouldn’t even get it.”

Eren chuckled. “Kind of… She’s weird… But she’s cool. Just a bit scary when it takes to food.”

I crossed my arms and leaned against the door side. “You do have very peculiar friends.” When I looked over to him due to the weird silence, I saw him grin at me in a way I would have found very sexy if I didn’t know he was picking on me, or trying to.

“Tell me about it…” He finally said as he stepped inside.

I snorted. “Eren Fucking Jäger,” I called, remembering his full name and how he was related to my stupid teacher. “Keep giving me those killer smiles and I will take back what I previously said about not climbing onto you. Plus, we’re not friends.”

He snorted. “Ew, gross.” Then, he turned to me. “Really?” He seemed incredulous and cautious about my answer. “And here I was hopping…” I noticed his sarcastic tone.

I wanted to laugh so badly, but I kept my cool. “No, I have better on my side. Thanks.”

He shook his head and headed towards our table, sitting where I was previously sitting and receiving a loud greeting from Connie.

I was about to sit beside him when just by chance my eyes went past Hanji and landed on a blonde _wig_ I didn’t want to see, not at all. “Shit.” I gasped as I threw the rest of the sandwich in the box at the four-eyed brunette. “You could have told me…”

She innocently eyed me before turning her head back. “Oh… Oh!” She quickly rotated to me. “I had no idea… I swear I didn’t see him come in!”

Erwin didn’t notice us, he was way into the conversation with the people around him and for a second I tried to wonder which one from the pretty girls was his wife.

“Yeah, right…” I was still bowing down but my ass hadn’t met the _bloody_ chair. I was so caught up, thinking about how uncomfortable that was when Eren slapped my hip with the back of his hand. I turned slightly to him, ready to tell him not to be so physical all the time.

“No, shit… That’s Mr. Eyebrows…” The situation was too serious, but I would have to remember myself later to replay this scene in my head so I could laugh about it non-stop. Just how many nicknames could a man have, really?

I threw my wallet at Hanji and stepped back. “Pay my share with that and call me when you want to leave. Don’t sweat it.” And with that I turned and left, only to hear Eren quickly run after me.

Hanji’s conversation with me last Monday popped up in my head and I growled. Maybe she was right; maybe I just wanted him out of my life completely so I wouldn’t have to remember a couple of things about the past and about myself. I wasn’t even sure about what my problem was anymore. All I felt like doing was walking my frustrations off. I almost forgot for a while that Eren was trying to keep up with my fast pace.

“Why are you following me?” I asked after we’d been walking down the street for a while. My mind kept replaying a lot of scenes I was almost certain I had forgotten.

“I am not! Now, slow down…” He asked.

Instead, I stopped and he bumped into me. “Hey…” I turned. “Watch where you’re going.”

“Don’t stop so suddenly!” He cried out before sighing. He looked away for a while and then took a peek at me. “What’s your thing with the principal?”

I was about to ask the exact same thing when the answer came rolling from _above_ and hit me. He did have a reason and I was stupid for even considering asking. The kid had fallen on Erwin’s gut, there was no wonder. If he got caught on whatever might have sound dirty, he was done for. I sighed and threw him a cold shudder. “None of your business, kid.” And it was none of his business.

He went expressionless for a few seconds and I didn’t really care if I had hurt him in any possible way. “It’s only fair.” He mumbled, scratching his head.

I was going to hit a nerve if I didn’t ask him, plus I wanted to snap my mind somewhere else. “Aren’t you sticking a bit too much?”

“God, no… I just told you I am not following you around or anything.” He sounded a bit disgusted by what I had just said, and that pissed me off a bit. “I had to run somewhere and it’s not like you’re a bad company so why not? If you’re too good for me just say so.”

Yup, not to hit my nerve I ended up hitting his. I wasn’t even one bit sorry but I wasn’t content with it either. I would have called him a _son of a bitch_ if I hadn’t remembered so vividly how he snapped when Jean horse face called him the exact same thing. I could be a dick or an ass but I wasn’t the type to hit on people’s soft side on purpose just to feel better with it.

He strolled to the edge of the sidewalk and sat there. His face quickly sunk in his arms for a while and he mumbled a couple of things I couldn’t understand.

Not actually unwillingly, I sat beside him while hugging myself. “What is it, now?”

He was quiet for a while and then slightly raised his head but still not looking at me. “Nothing, just thinking about life.”

“Oh, so you think?”

“Levi…”

I raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Levi…” He whispered.

I rolled my eyes. “What is it, Eren?”

“Is this how they call your name when you’re on it? God, I can’t imagine Armin into those things…” He shook his head and dove in his arms again.

I blinked and dropped my jaw. “You’re such… I don’t even have a name for you!” I would have talked back but I was just way too surprised by his attitude.

He laughed without raising his head. “Payback. Now, really…” He finally straightened his body, raising his head way above mine. “I should just talk to Armin.”

I had no idea why he was still touching that subject, but ended up presuming he was just looking for a strong advice on it. “And drop the jokes about gay people, really.” I added.

He coughed. “I’d never joke about Armin…”

_You little asshole, dare talking back at me like that._

“I was just too hard on him, and I wasn’t expecting this whole thing… It’s not normal for your best friend to turn gay all of a sudden.”

“You’d be surprised.” I told him. “Plus, wasn’t he somewhere in between?”

“Yes, he was. But still… I guess I am living in a birdcage, then.”

My phone started buzzing and I reached out for it, slowly turning the screen and seeing Hanji’s name flashing on it. Before picking up the call, though, I looked over at Eren. “Just sprout your wings, then, kid.” _Don’t be like me_. The last one, however, I couldn’t voice it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep writing but no. No. No. Because the next chapter is - it - and no. I have to wait. I hate waiting!  
> And yes, I've been on a roll. But now I will only do/upload something next week because I will finally go "home" for the weekend.

 

What Erwin and I had was what I like to call the adventure of my youth. I was young and naïve and I had by far known my interest in women was scarce, hence my introduction to the ways of men.

Erwin, on the other hand, was just this dazzling History teacher who resembled one of those movie stars girls fall for at first sight. Well, I wasn’t a girl. I knew the limits of my sexuality and I liked to state my manhood above all things, especially when I was younger. Still, denying that I found myself wondering how much of a god that man would be in bed was out of question.

I don’t like to think too much into things before they’re actually happening, so I simply did what instinct – or more, my body – told me to do. What I didn’t know at all, was that he’d turn to be even more open to it than I’d ever dreamed about. I mean, he was a teacher and I assumed all teachers had this sense of responsibility. But his was falling apart when he caught my slim suggestion that I wanted to try him or more, let him try me because the other way around didn’t even sound righteous.

He was my first, yes. Denying that is stupid, even more since I’ve come to terms with the fact that he was too good to be a starter. Because, really, we, human beings, just always want better and I had no idea what kind of abysmal dazzling creature I would scroll down after him. Plus, it was a blunt surprise – more surprising than I’d expect it to be – when I found out that being touched by someone else – and being that someone else a sex god – felt by far way better than doing it all myself.

It was probably that lust enchantment that brought me to the ugly truth I had to face later. Because lust is only good while it lasts and because even if it doesn’t end, once responsibility calls, it will have to happen in a way or another.

Family was something I never had. Or I did but I didn’t want to call it a family. So when Erwin opened himself to me – or the other way around if we go all perverted on it – I felt like I finally had someone who could understand me. It’s that thing kids do when they don’t know shit about the world and confuse emotions. I used him as a way to cover the empty hole of loneliness I was feeling. Through sex, yes, but it was still a way and it worked. So, when he finally left me, I was mad. I was upset because I felt betrayed – still do, even though I now understand the facts – and my attitude towards him grew as cold as it was to people outside of my circle of friends.

Finding out that his responsibility call was probably because of his wife fell like a bomb. Not because of _the_ _wife_ , no way. It was because he never told me. And, somehow, between those moments where I let my imagination take the liberty of presuming too much, I thought that if both of us were alone then we’d be on equal terms somehow.

Of course, I knew it was useless to mourn over it. He was fine, he was perfect, and I was the only one left wondering why my life tasted like shit. It always did, really. Despite having a few sugar-like moments when Hanji was around to distract me or when Erd and the guys actually turned out to be better company than I had expected, my life was always a shitty book no one wanted to pick up and unfold.

Not like I wanted to be unfolded, or wait. I actually did and Eren, that shitty brat I had just met, was right on pointing that out. I wanted things to get better; I was still hopping and clinging to that hope despite not showing it so vividly like others do. So, when I got home that night after the weird scene at the bar, I actually gave it thought. I thought about cause and effect and what was worth and what wasn’t. I was sick to find out that all this time I was just taking pity on myself and I got angry at me for that.

I spent the whole weekend with the mood of a cat that just got showered. I was angry enough to pick my books and actually move my ass to study, because that’s me and I like to keep my brain down to only a few necessary functioning when I am upset. It was also between my studies that I realized that it was already the fall of April and classes would end by the conclusion of May for me and, then, exams… Good. I had something to keep myself occupied with. Formerly, I could actually think about doing something useful with myself.

Erwin did call me on Monday. I kind of sulked when I realized I would have to pick it up. Just because I decided to stop being a dick to me doesn’t mean I still didn’t feel like he’d been an ass. I still felt betrayed and I still would for a while because that’s how it works.

“What?” I could only answer phone calls like this. Not because it was him, but also because _it was_ him, I was always grumpy.

He sounded annoyingly bright as always. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was trying to arrange a meeting, for the sake of my college fees mind you, I would have just told him I was busy jerking off like the dirty dick I was and hang the call. Talking about jerking off, I was also getting a bit frustrated on that. Because it’s just frustrating when you want things to reach a certain level and you only have your godly ex-something to compare it to.

The meeting was set to somewhere around Wednesday. I had no idea, really. I just know I pointed it somewhere and pasted it on the fridge’s door so I wouldn’t forget.

I made my way to college, this time on my own car, after having some shit for lunch if I could even call that a lunch. Really, if not for Hanji getting me fed with junk food once in a while, I’d probably have disappeared in the thin air. I was glad I packed a few muscles to back that off.

The day was warm and I wondered for a while why the Law faculty had a dressing code. Why couldn’t I just walk in a stupid useless and fresh t-shirt into that fucking building without being stared at as if I was a criminal? No, I had to walk classy all the fucking time. Annoying, just annoying…

Erd was by the building’s door, as usual, smoking his Black Devil cigarette. When I walked by, he simply waved at me, voicing that he’d follow me inside in an instant. He did, actually, and the first thing he asked me was why I had left so suddenly on Friday.

“Hanji’s car broke down.” I lied. I was good at it since I could keep a poker face all the time.

“Oh, that’s bad.” He told me. “Anyway, man! I just realized it’s almost May and I haven’t done any studying lately, I’m so done.”

I sighed. “I gave it a dunk this weekend. It turned out to be ok.”

“But you’re a brain, Levi! I’m just somewhere around average and I have to study!” He cried out, actually in pain over the fact that I was better than him and I wasn’t really giving a shit. “Give me your talent, man. No, really. You don’t need it.” His hand was waving in front of my face and I was tempted to bite it just to shut him up.

“No. I decided I might actually do something useful with myself.”

He stopped and stared at me. “Do tell.”

I sighed and turned to him. “Just resolute about some shit... Everyone hits down to Earth at some point.” I mumbled, almost too low.

He nodded. “So you met someone.” It wasn’t a question.

“What?” I prompted. Raising a brow at him was utterly necessary.

“I don’t know, man. I don’t talk about what I don’t know.” He shrugged and then got closer to me as he whispered. “I don’t know much about that shit between you and that guy, but you’ve been pretty gloomy about it since we’ve met. So hearing you say you want to do something about it makes me happy. Though, I can’t help wondering why the sudden change.”

It made sense, in a way. But there wasn’t any particular reason. Not any I wanted to admit to, though. I just simply realized that the change had to happen. Call it the effect of the bomb Hanji dropped on me the other day or the way Eren actually made realize a few things. Either way, I wouldn’t give any of them the credit for it. Not to that brat, at least.

Jäger’s class was the first of the four I’d have that day. There were ten minute breaks between each fifty minutes and that wasn’t even enough to get a coffee. I was glad that between the first two and the last two the break actually extended to twenty minutes.

I was only reminded of Eren’s _daddy_ _punishment_ when I actually saw him sitting on a bench in the main hall, probably waiting for his father, I had no idea.

I didn’t have to make my way towards him because Erd saw my line of sight and quickly dragged me and Gunter along to seat next to the kid.

“Eren…! Hello! It’s been a week.” Just like Auruo, he wouldn’t forget a name.

Eren almost jumped at the sudden intrusion over his private ball of oxygen. “Oh, hi.” He awkwardly scanned us until he actually realized I was there. A soft bow and I knew he had acknowledged me.

“Why are you here?” Erd asked with that stupid face of his. “Did you suddenly pull out a good grade and came flying here because of reasons?”

He laughed nervously. “Not, really.” He wasn’t going to share his motives, I knew. Wait, why did I even know that? Fuck it, really. “You guys don’t have classes?” He turned to me when he asked that but I knew I would have the time to answer him because Erd was there. It wasn’t even worth the try.

“Two classes to go. Wanna join? They’re rhetorical so they won’t check on you.” I was amazed by how blunt this guy was sometimes. “And I need a smoke.” He got up at that and leaned to me. “You have a lighter? I’m out of gas.”

“Use your ass.” I mumbled, not really wanting to search for that thing among other shit I had in my bag.

Only Eren chuckled at that but I tried not to look surprised. He was the only one not used to my stupid jokes that only looked stupid to others and pretty _epic_ to me.

Erd cursed something and took off. I guessed he would ask someone else and so I decided to sit as well, because I was the only one who’d actually stayed up, and I felt Eren shift when I did sit next to him. Was he still being an uncomfortable dick?

“So…” Gunter started. “What do you do for a living, Eren? You’ve got no friends or classes or anything, really?”

Eren bit his lower lip and I heard a faint chuckle. I took the hint and decided to support, because this was really awkward and I liked him better when he was being pushy and throwing weird comments. This, to say I even cared a shit.

“Talking about that, how’re things with your friend?” I asked, slowly rolling my eyes to catch his surprised stare.

He opened his mouth but then closed it again. His orbs rushed to his hands on his lap. “We had lunch together…” He mumbled.

“Aww, how cute…” It was my sarcastic self again.

He bumped his elbow in my arm. I would have glared but I was starting to realize he was way too physical to even try to change it.

Gunter was probably lost but he didn’t mention a thing. And that’s when I realized I was showing off I knew the brat better than any of them did. Wow, I was so typical.

“So, Eren… Will you take on your dad’s job? Like, you’ll study here, right?” Gunter questioned after a bit of silence.

As if I never knew it would happen, I was actually taken aback by how Eren jerked his head back with the most troublesome grin I’d ever seen and with the most resolute eyes ever as he stretched his legs. “Hah. No. College is boring and I won’t ever even consider Law. Not even teaching, or anything. I already have a goal so, nope.”

I blinked and then looked at Gunter. “Take that for a cue.” I said, still expressionlessly surprised.

None of us dared to ask what kind of goal he had in mind. But I noted that one down for further lack of topics. Because, suddenly, I was actually looking forward to them, as if he was one of us. It’s funny how things swing.

Auruo and Petra approached us after a while and Gunter made the introductions. Auruo, who already knew Eren, kept trying to mark his territory in a so blunt way even Petra got mad at him. I guess Eren noted how his attitude changed from time to time because he was pinching my arm when we all got up to get to our next class.

I looked back at him, actually stopping because I got the hint where he wanted me to let the others go on. I waited until Erd ran by us, patting Eren’s shoulder. “What?” I finally asked.

“Is it just me or he likes to mimic you?” He was smirking.

I blinked. “I guess. He has his reasons…” I nodded.

“Good. Hey, are you free after this?” I sharpened my eyes at him and he threw his hands up. “Wow, wait. I just want to talk.”

A sigh came through my lips and decided to guess. “Is it about your friend?”

“Yes it is – do you always bow your brows like that? – Wait, ahm, are you free?”

I closed my eyes and sighed, again, for the effect. “I am free. I just don’t know if I’m free for you.” I said as I opened my eyelids again. “Needing _gay_ advice?”

He probably reminded himself of the shot out he’d made at the bar because he blushed and started to fidget. His expression turned into that apologetic one I was already familiar with and he started to mouth something before even speaking it out loud. “Kind of, but not really. I already apologized… So, are you free or not?” He looked at me. “Free for me or not?”

Keeping me interested, was he? That was a big step forward if he ever wanted to have my full attention. “I’m free. But I only get out at seven. You’re sure you can wait?” I asked, already turning to head to class.

“I am. You wouldn’t believe if I told you _he_ cares less than it seems.” Eren said with half a smirk. “I’ll see you then.” He patted my shoulder carefully, keeping his eyes on his hand as he did so.

I nodded and tried not to make a big deal out of it.

The two hours that followed were boring. Completely boring, really… Petra, sitting next to me, spent the whole time texting Nanaba. That turned out to be annoying, probably because I was jealous she could keep blunt contact with him.

I realized I really needed to buy an iPod or I’d be done for. Still, my birthday was ages away. I could just ask Hanji to give it to me as a _really_ early present.

When I got out, Erd showered me with a bunch of invitations about next week’s beer party. It was hard to deny them all so I just ignored him and he gave up by the time we stepped outside.

Eren was sitting in one of the steps close to the entry and both Gunter and Erd made this huge fuss about his lack of life. I would have agreed no one wants to spend a day in this university, really. But I knew Eren was there for other motives, me more precisely, and that had my pride sort of jump from time to time.

“Dude, what are you doing here? Waiting for your dad?” Erd asked.

Eren got up and pointed at me with his thumb. “Waiting for him.”

There was a pause and I knew what was about to come. I braced myself for it and hopped Eren wouldn’t blow up in my face.

“Wow…” Erd started. “You’re not… Wait. You know he’s…”

Eren blinked and then expressed realization. “Oh! Ahm, yes… I mean, I know that. I came to terms with it –” He was going to blow it –“ last fri—”

I threw my arm around him, sort of tip toeing, before he could finish his sentence. He stopped, of course, surprised and scared by my sudden need of physical contact. In the end, I used my weight to push him down to my size.

“Please…” I started. “Just look at him. Really?” I grunted.

Erd blinked and ignored how Gunter kept calling him from down the stairs, telling him to hurry up. “Well… I’m not really into it, but he’s not that bad.” I tried not to _LOL_ that.

“You say that because you know shit.” I told him, slowly sliding my hand out of Eren’s shoulder.

Erd shrugged and then waved at us before rushing off.

Eren was silent for a while, not really moving an inch. I thought he was probably freaked out. It would be normal, since he seemed to be against the very fact of men liking men. But I was surprised when he actually turned to me, with a rather confused expression, and looked me in the eyes.

“Am I really that bad?”

I had to blink and wide eye him. I wasn’t expecting that one. “Are you really asking _me_ that?”

He frowned. “Well, might be useful in the future.”

I knew I had just thorn apart any possible beliefs he had that he was ok to look at. Not by me, not really, but by a possible and imaginary girlfriend he had in mind. I knew what that was like so I just sighed and fixed my bag on my shoulder. “You’re ok to look at, if it matters.” I admitted, not really looking at him. “But you also look just plain simple and boring.” When I finally raised my eyes to him he just looked offended but he wasn’t talking. “And that said, that’s how you _look_ like. You’re surprisingly interesting on a closer fetch.”

Eren looked down at the ground and when he looked at me again he had a different glint in his eyes. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to be bad or good.” He was putting on his defenses and I had to smirk. Probably my first attempt of a smile for the day.

“It’s not supposed to be either, brat. Depends on the point of view, but mine is pretty positive regardless.” I started to walk down the stairs and he followed me. “You don’t call out for any attention, apart from your sudden outbursts and those pretty eyes of yours. So it’s like we on this side have to find you out. It’s rather challenging and I am positive it’s rewarding at its very end.” It turned out to be a more personal analysis than I expected it to be and I was surprised I knew that far.

I heard him groan. “I guess I am fine with that much.” He wasn’t, not really. Because he turned out to be a competitive little shit.

“You just admitted you were _ok_ being analyzed by a guy who cares more about men than women.”

“It’s like you said. I have to stop being an ass. Plus, it’s just me being too cautious. On a second thought, I realized I really don’t care that much. That’s who you are and I accept that. Done.” He wasn’t just talking about me. That was probably the starting topic of the conversation he wanted to have about his friend.

When we reached the side walk, I turned to look at where I’d left my car parked. “I’m guessing you’re on your own and that I’ll have to drive you home.”

He shrugged. “I would take the underground. It’s no big deal.”

“God, get a cue, would you?” I sighed. “Slow. You’re slow.”

He snorted and poked my shoulder. “Right, ok. I accept the _blunt_ offer.”

I tried to ignore his sarcasm but I couldn’t help giving him a glare. “Anyway… are you hungry?” I asked as I started to make my way to the parking lot.

He nodded. “I’d have something… it’s dinner time.”

“Want to stop by somewhere?”

“As long as it’s not _gay_.” I couldn’t see his face at the moment but I knew he was smirking because it sounded that way.

“There you go _again_.”

“Sorry. No, really. Anywhere is fine. But I don’t have much money with me.”

Knowing how teenagers are, I knew it would have to be a place where he could stuff his mouth with food and pay just an average amount. Against the protest of my own brain, I rolled my head to him and tried to sound normal when I asked. “Is McDonalds alright with you?”

He smiled, almost too happy. “Definitely.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this one is on Eren's POV. Because it was necessary! Because it would be hard to understand Eren without invading him, so here it is. The next chapter will be on Levi's POV again but I might do more of Eren in the future because it helps telling the story, I guess.

 

_(Eren)_

If somebody asked, later on, what was going through my head when I decided going along with this was a good option, I will just say it was my naivety and lack of touch to understand certain things about myself.

My eyes kept going from Levi to his car and back to him. I probably looked really stupid, I had no idea, because he was unlocking the doors and looking at me with that brow of his raised so much I started wondering if he was challenging human physiology.

His car was totally old, old and cool. Not just the kind of old that makes you twist your nose. It was the cool kind of old and, blind me, for ever thinking he’d have a poor taste on that. I really knew nothing at all.

“Brat, are you getting in or not?” He asked me as he opened his Mazda RX-7’s door and threw his bag inside. “Did you swallow a stone or something?”

For a moment, I couldn’t understand if he was just being sarcastic or was actually concerned about my weird behavior. But upon looking at his face, I saw him rather disgusted. “No… I mean, I love your car. From when is it dated?”

Levi threw a look at the inside of his car, still holding that poor expression of his. “Ah. This… 1995, why?” He turned his head right back at me, still looking sort of lost.

“I like your car.” I said. And, honestly, I did. Because that was the car I saw in the old pictures of my parents. That was the car mom loved, so I loved it unconditionally as well.

With a soft grin twisting his lips, Levi raised another eyebrow at me. “Behave and I might give it to you when I get my hands on a brand new car.” He mumbled before getting in. “Get in. Unless you want to eat dust instead of a burger…?”

I blinked a few times, still processing what he had told me. When I rushed to the other side of the vehicle, the engine was already starting, making that noise I’d heard so many times on YouTube videos. “How did you get your hands on this?” Was the first thing I asked when I stepped inside, feeling the scent of clean everywhere.

He was a short guy, indeed he was, and for a moment I was wondering if he’d have to stretch his body to see the road. But he didn’t, he simply didn’t. And I had no idea if I was disappointed at that or not.

Levi only started talking when we left the parking lot. It was like he was trying to concentrate as he drove among those not-so-well-parked expensive cars. “Well, I guess you could say I stole it.” He was too serious and I couldn’t even consider that a joke.

“What.”

Two grey orbs were cast on me for a few seconds and I couldn’t help but look back and sink right where I was. Because, for unknown reasons, I just couldn’t avoid his stare when it was hauling me down, I just couldn’t. “My dad had it parked for months. He wouldn’t really use it. So, when I left that house, I made sure to bring the car along. I guess he was sort of grateful, since all he kept saying was how much he regretted buying this car and having to raise me.”

I wasn’t sure it had happened, but it had. I was surprised he shared that much and even more surprised at how much compassion I was starting to feel. I didn’t want to pity him, but I knew that feeling so well… I simply looked at him as he kept turning the wheel softly at every turn, not pushing the car too much and actually being a cautious driver. Only when he looked at me by the corner of his eyes I decided it was time to rotate my orbs somewhere else.

When he stopped at a red light, I took a deep breath and he looked at me. “My parents had a car just like this one. Black and all… My mom loved that car pretty much so I guess it’s because of that I sort of like it too.” I was looking at my hands, not really sure why I was talking and probably holding a panicked expression because of it. “Well, my dad sold the car, anyway.”

“What about your mom?”

I looked at him without turning my head and curled my lips inside. He stared at me until he caught a glimpse of the green light and decided to let it go. I was glad he did.

“So, you wanted to talk about your friend.” He said, still in that misty voice of his.

“Yeah, I did.”

He chuckled, softly, and I looked over to see him grin at nowhere in particular as he turned the wheel one more time.

“I sort of need you to approve my line of thought. I don’t want to screw this up and I tend to do that a lot, for reasons I cannot explain. My life has this tendency to fall apart when I am actually trying to keep it straight.” I was bowing my eyebrows so hard they almost touched.

“Wow, I can feel the double meaning somewhere around that statement.”

I grinned and looked at the window. “I don’t care. I really don’t. You guys could fuck a cat and I wouldn’t care less – I do like cats, so please don’t do that – but that’s it. I had to pick a reason to fight, because that’s what I do all the time and that whole gay thing made it easy. Jean was there and it made it easy. I don’t like Jean, not in the least, and I felt betrayed when Armin started to hang around him. Because Armin is my best friend, childhood friend, and I guess I am this sort of possessive little shit, as someone already told me.” I paused to sniff at the air. “So I simply got in this hating mode of mine because Jean was there. I didn’t stop to consider anyone but myself.”

Levi nodded, I saw him nod. “So if it wasn’t Jean and it was you… would you still feel like that?”

He was so into his own driving that I had to turn my body on the seat to face him completely and try to understand if he was accusing me of some shit I couldn’t cope with. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t try to terrify me with that pitchy voice of yours, brat. I am asking exactly what you heard. If Armin, or whatever, liked you instead, would that change anything?”

“I’d never get one up my ass, if that’s what you’re asking.”

He grinned again, for much of my annoyance. “There are always two ways to that. But I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it more than you think. Still, that’s personal analysis."

Before I could answer, I noticed the car had been parked right in front of McDonalds. I opened my mouth and closed it again a few times, looking between him and the electric yellow M above the building. He probably caught my drift because he was that smartass guy I sort of admired and he wouldn’t fail me so he just grinned and left the car.

I had no idea if I would ever get to understand him, but the way he jumped from a soft side to a freaking sassy one was annoying. Everything about him was annoying and yet it didn’t particularly annoy me.

“You’re amusingly cute.” He said once we were heading towards the building. The smell of what would soon be my dinner was making my mouth water.

“I don’t know if I’ve told you before, but calling me cute doesn’t make particu—”

“Eren.” The way his voice sounded made me stop and I suppose that was the effect he wanted it to have because he stopped as well to look at me. “Let’s put it simply. If it was me, would you consider it?”

I felt my eyes widen and my mouth go dry. My heart started racing all of a sudden and I wasn’t even sure why. “Are you confessing something or…?”

He grinned, in that stupidly creepy yet pretty – wow, yes, let’s admit it – way he always would. “Come on, it’s a hypothetical question. I’d never step so low.”

Great, there he was again, throwing me off my throne. He was the first one to do it and come alive out of it. Because, well, it’s not like I didn’t know he’d kill me if I decided to let my brain go numb and simply work with my body.

“Assface.” I cursed, almost growling.

“Dickface.” He replied, slowly waving at me to keep going and not just stand there.

The restaurant was full of people. It was actually full. It was good because it gave me the time to think about what I wanted to have, but my stomach was protesting too much to make it all peaceful. Plus, I couldn’t stop noticing how uncomfortable Levi was among so many people. I had no idea if it was because he was short and he felt like everyone would just fall on him or something, but he did feel pretty bad. He was fidgeting, and taking his nails to his mouth was a habit I wasn’t expecting to see him have.

“Are you ok?” I asked, sort of touching his shoulder with the back of my hand because I was having this feeling he’d jump to the ceiling if I was too blunt.

“Hm? Yeah.” He was quick to answer and I tried not to show my concern, just keeping an eye on him until we reached the counter.

I asked for a Big Mac Menu, the big size because I was just starving. Levi, I noted, asked for a Royal Deluxe without the fries and iced tea instead of coke.

When our orders were filled, I tried to push us both to the farthest of the tables, in order to avoid any crowd and I was glad to see him relieved of my bright choice. I had to enjoy those moments of cleverness when I could. Not like I was dumb, but I knew I was sort of naïve. Not because I was aware of it, but because I’d been called so enough time to believe it was true.

“So, you don’t like fast food?” I asked as I slowly nipped around a fried potato. I probably looked bored because I saw him do the eyebrow thing again.

“Depends… If the company is good, it’s enjoyable.”

I had to grin in amusement. “Is the company good right now?” Was I teasing? I have no fucking idea. Ok, I probably was, because I like to tease everyone, really. Unless it’s Mikasa we’re talking about. I’d make her the only exception.

“Pretty shitty, actually.”

“Tsk. I am sorry if I am not that friendly crazy teacher of mine or the handsome Mr. Eyebrows from my school.” I was just making a guess and I wasn’t expecting him to glare at me the way he did. “What?” I asked, already feeling my stomach twist with the way he was eating me alive with those eyes of his.

“Hanji is a nice person.”

I curled my lips inside, trying to hide my urge to laugh. Why was he being protective all of a sudden? “Ok, if you say so. What about the principal? You still didn’t tell me what’s your deal with him…” I knew he’d probably send me to hell like he did the first time I asked, but it was a question and he was staring right into my eyes and I had to ask. Because I was curious and the way he kept being all mysterious was killing me.

He took a sip of his drink, deadly serious as ever. I couldn’t read him at all. “We fucked.” He ended up saying.

“Sorry?”

He didn’t spare me the second of doubt. He simply grinned and started eating his Deluxe with this bunch of napkins around it so he wouldn’t dirty his hands in the process of eating.

“Levi…” I started, worried but not really. Annoyed, but not really. Shocked, but not really. “You and Erwin Smith…? My school’s principal?”

He shrugged and kept eating, not even replying to me.

“Oh, god.”

“You bet. He’s a god.”

I growled at him before pushing a big amount of potatoes in my mouth. “I really don’t care.” I said after a while of munching around. I actually did. Because I couldn’t just imagine my History teacher fucking another man, not when he had a wife and kids. I couldn’t even imagine how good he’d be at it when Levi said that. I couldn’t imagine anything, not even Levi being fucked. Or wait, I actually could and I lost my appetite the moment I realized I was actually thinking about it all.

I stamped both my hands on my face and growled something not humanly comprehendible before raising my eyes to glare at Levi. “I hate you right now.”

He simply grinned, again, wider than before. “You actually imagined it, didn’t you?”

“I’ve been told my mind likes to wander a lot…”

“I can see that.”

Rolling my eyes, I decided I would just eat, even thought my stomach had closed itself up. We kept in silence for a while until I mentally digested all the information I had gotten. I started hitting the table with my thumb and, once again, he caught my drift, knowing I had something to say and I wanted him to pay close attention to me.

“What?” He prompted.

“Do you like him?” I asked, not really looking at him for more than a second.

He was probably glaring at me, I couldn’t tell. But the way his voice sounded told me he was probably grinning like a maniac. “No, I don’t.”

I finally raised my orbs to look at him. “Did you like him?”

He nodded. “I guess.” And he didn’t need me to ask what I wanted to ask because I saw him read my expression as if I was a book. “Have you ever felt like… What you do for yourself is not good enough?” He asked me, slowly lowering his food to look at me with a deep expression.

I gave it a thought, probably two or three, still showering him with my most displeased face ever. “No, I guess not.” I answered without even considering exactly what he meant.

He nodded and averted his eyes from me. He actually, averted his eyes from me and I could see him search for a bit of privacy. It was the first time he’d ever done that. “For a lot of reasons, all my life, I always thought I wasn’t good enough. So I stopped trying to be good enough. It pretty much goes like that. Doing what is wrong starts feeling right and doing what is right just feels plain boring. Because I always wanted my life to be like in the movies, where you’re so excited about living, you forget the rest, the worthless thoughts that don’t matter.” He paused and sighed. “Like this, I always thought there was something missing and screwing things up, screwing my life so I could give my best to get out of it felt good… Erwin was just like that. He felt so wrong I had to try it. That’s how much fucked up I am. All of us are in a way or another.” When he finished he was boasting with confidence again, as if what he had just told, what he had just made me feel, meant nothing. He started eating and I had to lean back on my seat and actually take my time to study him while I started to bite at my own Big Mac.

His expressions would always swing around a plain and not caring face. I wondered if that was because of what he was or if it was actually a natural gift. Even with such thin lines and perfect white skin, neck down, he was pretty much a man. I could tell that without even seeing a single thing. His eyes were icy and those dark circles of his made them even more coldly to look at. There wasn’t one single warm thing about this guy, not even his spiky mood, so why did he feel so warm to be with?

“Let me tell you that…” I started, pausing to reconsider my words. “You probably just haven’t found it yet, something worth all your effort.”

He looked at me so quickly I almost jumped. I tried to read his expression again, failing pretty hard. But I could indeed feel him throw some cursing at me among the usual…

“Someday, you’ll find out something worth your effort. I guess that’s what all of us are looking for, somehow. It might sound creepy, but I’m sure that’s how it works. You just have to keep your eyes open and… not let it fly away when it happens.”

He looked at me for a long while, only moving his jaw to chew at his food. When he swallowed it, I saw him grin. “Who taught you that, kid?”

“My mom did.” I answered, simply and not even concerning myself with the way his grin slowly faded away.

He finished his food and I was amazed at how spotless his place was. I was starting to get a feeling this guy took cleaning more seriously than it seemed. He took a peek at his phone, probably checking the time and then crossed his arms as he leaned back to look at me while I finished my share. “So you live with your dad…”

“I do.” I answered. It wasn’t hard to know where this was getting at.

“And Mikasa is your… adopted sister.” He saw me nod and then went on. “Doesn’t you dad spend more time in his office than at home?”

I tried not to sound offended, because I would usually take everything regarding my dad as offensive. “I guess so. That’s why I told you he doesn’t care as much as it seems.”

“Ok.” He sighed and looked around before rushing his orbs to me again. Getting used to the way he intensively looked at me was hard. “So… your friend, the blonde head. About that, I approve what you said. I kind of get this feeling it’s more like that than you care to admit. But that’s just me. Anyway, finish your food. I guess were done with our _important_ subject and I’d like to go home.”

I didn’t complain. I finished my food in silence and followed him out once he was done with washing his hands. I couldn’t help but laugh at the way he kept cursing public bathrooms. I guess I even cried because it was just unbelievably funny, and I suppose he was happy to see me crack like that because he pinched my nose telling me not to be an ass and respect other people’s life choices, what made me laugh even more.

Already in the car, I kept making fun of his cleaning habits while he kept cursing some words, not really offended because he knew I was just trying to set him off. It was decided he’d drive me home and so it was. I was just not really prepared to what would happen next.

He parked right in front of my house, after almost an hour of trying to find our way. Because he kept telling me I sucked at instructing and I kept yelling about how he wouldn’t understand my instructions even one bit. We had a fight and I sulked but he prompted me with some pun about meteor shit, what sort of made me laugh again.

“That’s your house?” He asked as I picked my things up.

“Yeah, lame. Someday, when you’re not trying me to reduce me to what you believe I am, being that a piece of shit, I might invite you in.” I tried not to laugh at that but it was almost impossible.

He leaned his arms above the wheel and stared at me. When I caught a glimpse of him I had to brace myself for the thought that suddenly crushed right into my cortex and made my mouth move before I could stop and consider what I was saying.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked. Only making him grin even more and deepen the look in his eyes. _Shit, this guy is annoying the hell out of me_.

“That wasn’t what I had in mind, but if it’s working then I’m glad I am appealing to you.”

“You’re glad? Jesus… Just—ok – bye” And without any less talk, I threw my hand at the door so I could rush out and not even look back because I didn’t want him to see my face. It was burning as hell and I knew he’d notice it.

I was about to shut the door closed when I heard my name being called again. Leaning slightly to look at him, I knew he was grinning because of my face, I just knew it.

“Isn’t this yours?” He asked, motioning a wallet in his hand.

I growled, annoyed, and clinging in to grab it. Before I could do so, thought, my hand was clutched and pulled. My face standing only a few centimeters away from his, so close I could feel his warm breathing on my lips.

His eyes were gleaming at mine, grounding me right there and making me unable to move. My heart started racing again for the sake of Satan, most likely, and I knew he had noticed it – my heart beat – when he grinned, with that stupid sexy face of his again, and slowly released the grip around my wrist.

“Told you, dipshit.” He said, totally proud of himself.

I was red, probably a tomato, because my face was burning so much I wondered why I wouldn’t cast myself on fire. “Wha-huh?”

“Usually, when you get so worked up over something, it’s because it matters. And yes, I should have followed Psychology instead of Law.” He thumbed his chin before turning to me with a grin. “It’s so much more interesting, isn’t it?”

My brain was boiling; I couldn’t rationalize anything he’d said so I simply glared at him before crawling back to the side walk and loudly closing the door. I wasn’t far away when I heard him shout at me not to mistreat his car, but I didn’t turn. I simply stood in front of my door, ringing at it so Mikasa would come down to open it. Only, because I couldn’t rationalize properly and finding the keys among my stuff would take ages.

When I heard Levi’s Mazda take off, I took a deep breath and growled. “Jerk…” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be on Eren's POV and I promise Ereri and a lot of other things. This one is just a bridge.

 

Wednesday came quicker than I expected it to. Tuesday was a day dedicated to zero social interaction and one hundred percent of book reading. I think I can proudly say I’ve made more study in a day than I would sometimes in a week or more. I don’t even know why the urge, but better take it while it’s there.

Erd called me on Tuesday night, once again trying to convince me to attend to the shitty beer party with the excuse of asking me a few questions about one of the practical cases we’d have to finish by Friday. He said the invitation was done and that the rest of the guys were going. I still denied the offer.

So Wednesday, well, it was a pain in the ass. Not only the weather forecast was wrong but also the traffic was ten times worse than usual – It was normal to think people would drive way too carefully whenever it rained. I actually assumed, from the moment I decided to look out of the window that morning, it would have been better to stay at home for the day. Unfortunately, I had classes to attend and Erwin to meet up with during the evening.

Between some redlines and a track of cars that wouldn’t move one inch, I allowed my mind to slip into something way more amusing. Eren was the first little shit to pop up in my line of thought. No reason in particular, but he was fun to hang out it because he was definitely not boring. Either I could pick on him and watch his self-conscious reactions; either I could let him talk non-stop about whatever he wanted, without even for a second being able to drive my attention away. Then again, a spray of a thought clouded my vision and I was forced to return to the present reality where I simply did not want to take my car further into the campus’ parking lot. I had no other choice.

This time, I was late for twenty minutes so I didn’t attend my first class of the afternoon. Instead, I decided getting something to eat would be nice since I had none from the moment my eyes bat open.

“You really need to improve your habits!” Petra, who had also been late because of the public transportations, said to me as she poked at my shoulder. “You know those bad habits of yours will cost you something. That’s why you look like you always had a bad night of sleep.”

“I actually do have a bad night of sleep every day.”

She straightened herself up, probably, trying to outmatch my weight. “You’ll develop a problem in your stomach…”

I gave her the look I give to people who try too hard and then pointed at some chairs of the inner side of the new bar. After we were sitting and I had my meal in front of me, the conversation went on but onto something else. “Don’t worry about it. I haven’t died until now. Plus, Hanji keeps me fed most of the time…” It was sincere but my voice made it sound way too sarcastic for the sake of me.

“I don’t trust Hanji’s habits one bit. I’ve been with her enough times to know she’s a fast food lover. That’s bad for your health.”

“Worrying too much is bad for _your_ health.”

“Well, someone has to worry.”

“Someone wishes _you_ wouldn’t worry.” I felt her eye me and I returned the stare. “Not about me, that is.” It was a hard way to push it, but there it was.

“What do you mean?”

I took a sip of my coffee, eyes still on her. “You should just—” It wasn’t like I had planned the whole thing. The words simply drove out from the innermost side of my brain and slipped through my mouth with me believing it was the right choice of words before I even knew what I was doing. “—not let it fly away when it happens. Sometimes, what we need is right there but we’re so clouded by what we believe is right, or wrong, that we miss the chance to take what we actually deserve.” It probably had a bigger impact on me than it had on her. Because, suddenly, I was actually digesting those words and, suddenly, they made sense. I was most likely letting it fly away and I wasn’t even aware of it. “Get it?” I asked, trying not to sound too surprised by my own statement.

Petra gave me a nod and then locked her orbs on my food. “You love talking in circles, don’t you?” There was a glint of a smirk under her voice.

“Sorry. I am only blunt when I need to piss someone off.”

“I get it. Who taught you that, by the way?”

I took another sip of my coffee. “Someone.”

The rest of the classes were so boring I almost fell asleep. It seemed almost impossible that whenever there was rain pouring outside, time would look to pass slower than usual. I knew it was just me wishing to get out of that place as quickly as possible, but still…

When we were finally done, I rushed out of the theater with Erd on my stalk. He tried to call out for me, but the amount of people that suddenly emerged into the main hall was too big and he probably missed the sight of me.

I saw Eren leaning against one of the walls, eyes cast down, just like the previous day. And just like the previous day, I planned the slip by without saying shit. Unfortunately, his radar caught my stare and his eyes quickly reached to mine while his face went softer all of a sudden.

Averting my eyes and just keeping up with whatever I was doing did cross my mind, but before I could do it, however, he was waving at me to come closer. I did, with a deep sigh.

“What?” I asked, piercing him with my most displeased face.

“Hello, how are you? It’s been—”

“A day. What do you want?”

He sighed and then averted his orbs somewhere else. “I messed up…”

 _Great, and now you’re asking for my help again to fix your shit_. “What did you mess up?” I asked, already popping out a grin I couldn’t contain. Because, yes, messing up things did strike me as his specialty.

He gave me a look but quickly averted his eyes, taking a sniffle at the air. “Are you free on Friday night?”

“Might be, but it depends…”

“Are you free for me on Friday night?” He engrossed his tone and I couldn’t help but wide eye him. He was a fast learner or something? More importantly, was he a dog?

I sighed. “Might be. What do you need from me?”

Eren clapped his hands and held them strong enough to show how much he didn’t want to do what he was doing. He bit his lower lip and looked at me almost about to burst into something I couldn’t quite figure. “I need a date—don’t look at me like that, it’s not that kind of thing! But I need someone to accompany me to a… party…”

I blinked. I wasn’t certain if I was being made fun of, which would turn out bad if it was the case, or if he was actually serious about it. “Kid, don’t you have friends?”

“I do! I do have… Armin and Mikasa, mainly… But Armin already has a date, Jean Dickstein, and then I definitely don’t want to go with my sister! So…”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “So…?”

“I said I was already going with someone.”

“And you assumed that someone was me…”

He rolled his eyes and sniffled again. “No. No… I actually just said I was already going with someone. I planned to invite someone from my class like… I don’t know. But then, the girls from my class are hard to approach and Sasha was the only one I’d actually—Ok, whatever. Anyway, no can do. So between me freaking out and hitting my head against a wall, I thought of you.”

“Aww, I feel flattered.” I actually didn’t and he knew I didn’t. I had better things to do than to attend parties at Friday night. Well, maybe I didn’t, but anything was better than a party. Plus, I had denied Erd’s invitation to the beer party, why would I even accept Eren’s. Just because he was ok to be around with didn’t mean he had any special treatment. “Well, kid. I’m sorry but it seems you’ll have to sort it out yourself.”

“What? No, I mean… You don’t really—”

“I don’t really have the obligation to help you. Next time, think before you open your mouth. Plus, what’s that shit about needing dates for parties?”

He sighed and then shrugged. “Fine, at least I tried.”

I clicked my tongue and brushed my hand in his locks – just to tease him – gaining a flushed look in return. “Broken pride?” I said softly and he averted his eyes. I grinned. “Deal with it.” And with that, I stepped back and turned to walk away. He didn’t call me out and I was happy with only that much.

The rain hadn’t softened one bit for much of my dismay. I scrambled around my bag to look for my umbrella when my phone started buzzing in my jacket’s pocket. Erwin’s name was flashing on the screen and I had to take a deep breath before answering.

He told me he was waiting for me in the coffee shop behind the Engineering Faculty and I made my way there, almost flying away with the strong cool wind. It wasn’t that I was too light; my umbrella simply decided it would be a good wing.

When I made it inside the coffee shop, I was drenched. That alone, improved my bad mood by a lot of stages, and then the stares on me only made it _better_.

Erwin was sitting in one of the side tables, regarding me with his cold yet amused look. He waved two of his fingers at me to indicate he’d seen me and I stepped closer. I sat down, trying not to sound like a wet cat and whining at every little thing.

“Good evening.” He greeted me after a while.

“For _you_ , it might be.” I groaned. “Let’s get this done because I want to go home.”

He leaned back on his seat right in front of me and eyed me from hair to as far his eyes could catch a glimpse of my body. I felt sick with him looking at me like that and I wanted to push him down and tell him, _either you fuck me or you just go away, don’t stare so much_. Pushing him down, thought, was impossible.

“Alright.” He took his hand to his jacket sitting right next to him and took out an envelope, placing it above the table before sliding it across to me.

A lady came to us asking if we wanted anything to drink or eat. Erwin said he was fine and I asked for a hot tea, knowing Erwin was the one paying.

“So…” He finally started when the lady took off. “This is the payment for the next three months. You’ll take this and deposit it in your account so that way you—”

“Why didn’t you transfer it?” Interrupting him was like second nature to me. Actually, interrupting everyone was second nature to me.

Erwin sighed and looked at me with that disapproving parental look of his. “Different bank accounts, taxes, I want to avoid those. Anyhow, as I was saying, this covers up for the next three months of fees. There’s also a bit more for the house, which you’ll be paying yourself this time and that’s it. It’s the last time I am giving you this much.”

I pushed the envelope to me, tapping my finger on the table as I did. “Ok, thanks.” There was a rather disgusting feeling growing beneath my stomach. I had no idea if it was nostalgia or something else. Probably the thought of not having this guy at my leg all the time was a bit harder to deal with than I made myself believe it would. Not because I didn’t want him to just step away, but because he was everything I ever had close enough to safe that doesn’t feel safe. I really was fucked up.

“And there’s something else…” He started, bracing himself for much of my surprise. “I was told to invite you for a dinner, Friday night. Are you free?”

Goddamn it! Why was everything and everyone just suddenly so into Friday night? The beer party, Eren, Erwin, Christ, I needed a break. Fridays were suddenly something I wasn’t looking forward to. “What?” Was all I could come up with.

“Well, my wife actually—”

“Your wife.” I repeated, cutting him off. It was the first time he was mentioning this subject.

The pained look that crossed his eyes for a second was enough for me to beam with joy and grin at him for about two seconds before he went on. “My wife would like to meet you.”

“Well, I don’t want to meet her.” I prompted.

“Levi, she wants to meet the person I give half of my expenses to.”

Now, this was a funny statement. Because at some point he was just saying I was a burden but at the same time he was blaming his wife for it. “Oh, but that’s not all you’ve gave me so far.” Teasing, yes, I loved teasing. I loved making him feel at least one bit disgraceful about himself, what always turned to be impossible. I wanted him to break that cool side of his and yell at me. I wanted him to discompose himself for me and I wanted him to make me regret ever teasing him. I had no idea why, but I wanted all that to happen.

He closed his eyes and sighed. “I take you as a polite man who can actually—”

“You fucked me like you’d fuck a girl, though.” I mumbled, looking over him to see the lady approach with my tea. Finally, a break to the whole conversation, still it wasn’t the right time for it. We waited until we were alone again and I was the first one to speak up because he took his time, too much time. “Still, that’s not the issue here. I clearly don’t want that to happen. I don’t have any intentions of screwing this even more—” Lies. “—and I know you know I’ll do it given the chance. So spare me the lecture, yes, I can see it in your eyes—” I pointed at him. “—so don’t even try, Erwin.”

“Levi… Friday night.” He repeated after a while. “I’ll be there by seven.”

“No, you won’t. I won’t go.”

“Stop being a kid and—”

“I’m busy.” I probably raised my tone too much because a lot of people looked over at us. So he did have the guts to call me a kid. “I already have something planned.” And kill me for believing Eren was a little shit for coming up with lies. I was doing just the same.

“Which is?” He asked me, crossing his arms as if he was challenging me.

I rolled my eyes and dropped the whole sugar in my tea. It would be too sweet for me but it would be alright. Because my mood needed to lift up a bit or I’d sink into a horrible state. Anyway, going to the beer party was out of question. I had no time to lose over guys and girls puking their guts out on the ground. So, the only shit left I had was… “I was invited to a party by someone from your school.”

“Hanji?”

“No, idiot.” I wasn’t sure I could mention Eren’s name but whatever. “Eren Jäger.”

He paused and for the sake of me, I was afraid of what was about to come. Still, he softened after a brief moment of consideration and looked at me as if he was a concerned mom. “Levi, I don’t know what you’re up to but—”

“Wow, wow… calm down.” I eyed him all over the place, raising a brow at him. “It’s not like that. He invited me to go with him because his friends dumped him or whatever. Figures? So I’m going as the good—” Whatever, I had to break the ice, somehow. “—friend I am.”

I knew he was studying me. He stood still for a while, watching me warm up with my tea. He probably noticed me shiver a couple of times, but well, I was soaked so he would understand why.

After a while, he finally dropped the silence treatment. “Alright, first of all, you need to stop interrupting me all the—”

“Faculty habits.” I shot back, grinning when he sighed. “Sorry, what is it…?”

“Scratch the first… But you two didn’t strike me as friends back then.”

I knew that any sort of weird reaction I’d have, he’d know I was lying. Of course, this guy had this terrible good memory of a History teacher and I was the idiot for not reminding myself of it. I slowly raised my tea cup to my lips, eyeing him as if I was eating him alive. “That’s because you probably suck at reading people.”

“That might be it.”

The conversation dropped right there. I finished my order and then hauled the envelope into my bag not even sparing him another second of my gratification as I rushed between the seats to exit the coffee shop.

I had no idea how I’d pull that one over but well, the first thing I did when Thursday finally came around, with the sun beaming right above my head, was sit next to Eren on the usual bench and tell him that yes, I’d go with him to the goddamned party.

I could feel him worship me all over. I gave him my number, warning him not to use it unless it was extremely necessary and told him I’d meet with him on Friday night, just in case Erwin decided to find out if I was even telling the truth – of course this part, I didn’t tell Eren.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still not porn... But I promise you porn after chapter 9. Also, this one is mostly on Eren's POV but I added Levi for a bit. And please forgive me for writing so much, this one is actually like double sized chapter, omg.  
> Anyway, the conflict I previously talked about is here. Also, it's conflict but it's what triggers Levi's inner will, so it's all good. Still, please don't kill me, ok?
> 
> ((Also, I do love Jean, he's one of my fav characters so Levi really had to give him a good remark! Jean FTW!))

 

_(Eren)_

In the past two days, I’ve learned two things. One, never misspell words when texting Levi because he’ll waste half an hour of your life with a phone call, explaining to you the many reasons of what writing properly in simple texts can bring of good into your life, and then hang up saying he hates phone calls. Two, never make up lies in front of your smartass best friend if you don’t want him calling out on you in front of your own sister.

“You didn’t have to tell a lie, though.” Armin threw at me for like the tenth time in five minutes. “I like you better when you’re honest, Eren.”

“Jesus _Fucking_ Christ, Armin! I am not telling a lie, now leave me alone.” I rolled on the sofa, trying to think about something other than what was at hand. “What are you even doing here? Wasn’t Jean picking you up or something?” Whenever I said Jean’s name, there was always a slight note of hatred among my voice and Armin knew that. That’s why he kept giving me those stabbing looks every time I was being a little shit.

“He will, Eren. But we’re neighbors so it’s not like being here or at home will make a difference, plus –” He leaned back and pulled his feet above the cushion. “—It’s not like I had anything better to do.”

True. Armin and I had been neighbors since I could remember. He lived alone with his grandfather and, despite liking his old man a lot, Armin always said that sometimes it all got a bit lonely, so he’d come over. I never really minded he’d do so, because let’s face it, being only around Mikasa all the time, considering dad was never at home, could be pretty frustrating. Armin always brought fresh air into the place, making it easier to breathe under the pressure Mikasa always had around her. But in that moment, I would just wish Armin could simply go away. Not because he was boring or anything, but he was too good at catching me and my stupid lies. I couldn’t really lie, actually. I only did to cover up for my pride.

We’d been sitting in the living room for a while, me whining about how stupid my dad was being with the whole punishment thing and Armin listening to me as the good friend he was. That was, until Mikasa barged in through the front door after being outside doing whatever she wanted and asking me if I needed the car. That was, in simpler words, what made it turn like this.

“So, what you’re saying is that you actually are going to the party and you won’t ditch like you usually do…?” Her tone had a slight threatening advice under it, but I tried to ignore it.

“That’s right. You can take the car, by the way.”

“Alright. I’m curious, who’re you going with?” Armin shot once more.

I sighed. No, I deeply and double sighed because I was reaching the limit of my patience and that’s it and that’s how things get fucked. “Can’t you just wait and see?”

“Why so mysterious?”

“Just… Ahg! Armin, you’re pissing me off!” I was out of arguments.

Mikasa shrugged and went into the kitchen to grab something. “Well, I’ll see you two at the party then.”

I raised my back from the sofa and threw my arm around one of the back cushions. “Who’re you going with?” I asked, actually curious.

She simply looked at me above the fridge’s door. “Annie…” Was what she mumbled before ducking into what she was searching for again.

“Alright…” That was actually weird, because I always thought they weren’t even friends, but whatever. I didn’t care one bit.

Mikasa was the first one to leave the house, holding two cans of 7up as she passed by with a short _goodbye_. Armin and I kept watching TV, seeing _The Walking Dead_ and trying to mimic the zombies in the weirdest ways ever. That was until his phone flashed. He got up and asked me if I still knew where the party was to what I replied I did. When he left, or when I heard the door’s lock cling, I almost jumped out of the sofa and rushed to grab my phone.

As expected, Levi was waiting for me to say anything and so I did text to tell him it was ok to pass by whenever he was ready. He replied to me five minutes later, saying he’d be there in ten. Now, that was fast. Either he was a fast driver, and he only drove carefully last time, or he was just nearby.

I only had the time to brush my teeth, since I missed the chance that morning, grab my sweatshirt, keys and my wallet before I came outside. He was already there, exactly ten minutes after he said he would. _Amazing_.

When I got in the car, I couldn’t help but take a sniff at the air. I kept doing it, while I instructed him to where he should be headed. He probably gave me a weird look but then he didn’t say anything. “Did you shower?” I finally asked looking innocently surprised at him.

Levi was really thrown away by that and glared at me as if I’d asked the most stupid question ever. “I did.” He still answered, though. “Why?”

“I don’t know if it’s you but it smells nice.”

“Ah, that’s probably the… Ok, you look like Mike right now.”

“Who? And what? Huh?”

“Never mind, Eren...” He mumbled with a deep sigh as he finally took the car into the road.

It was awkward because it was suddenly too quiet. I had to get things lighter if I wanted this to be at least one bit pleasant for both of us. “Ok, so… I kinda wanted to ask, but… Why did you decide you’d come with me?” There was an uneasy feeling behind that question and I knew he noted it because he gave me a quick glance.

“Just figured I should.”

“Right.” That got me nowhere. “Were you nearby? It didn’t take you long to get here…”

Levi’s lips twitched in a weird way and then he clicked his tongue. “Yes, Eren. I was nearby.”

“Am I annoying you?”

“No.” It took him a while but he finally sighed when we stopped at a red light. I saw him relax a bit. “Just wondering about some shit.”

I couldn’t take my eyes from him for a while because, and let me say it was the first time I ever saw it; Levi’s face wasn’t tensed up even one bit. If anything, he looked tired and soft and _shit_ , he just looked pretty. _Good one, Eren, good one_. “What kind of shit?”

“The kind of shit that—you know what? Never mind. So, how’re you?” The car was moving again and his face tensed up, again. I almost wanted to go back in time for a while.

“I’m about to disappear…” I admitted. I was, for a lot of reasons.

“What?” His voice trembled with a laugh that was threatening to come out but didn’t.

“Let me just fill you up on something…”

“Ok…?”

“Jean will be there and he’s a dick, so he’ll probably do what dicks do and dick around.” Levi laughed at that. “Then, there’s Armin who will start going crazy over unimportant shit. There’s Mikasa who will probably eat you alive the moment she sets her eyes on you and sees you with me and then the others are just what they are, others.”

“Are you worried for my sake, brat?”

“Yes, I actually am.” I paused. “No, I just want… Ok, this sounds lame.”

He looked over at me. “What does?”

“Oh my god, keep your eyes on the road! Anyway… I just want to cause a good impression… on both sides.” I went quiet after that. It sounded so wrong. It just sounded wrong. Still, Levi just nodded and didn’t say anything. I was glad he didn’t.

The car was thrown into a complex of houses and it wasn’t hard to identify the one where the party was taking place. There was a bunch of cars parked everywhere and people dashing and running, or some even just walking, all over the place. My heart dropped to the bottom of my chest and for a moment I wasn’t even sure why I was this nervous.

Levi said he’d park a bit farther away because he didn’t want his car scratched or broken due to some drunken bastard. I agreed.

When we stepped outside, I almost tripped on the side walk. Levi asked me why I was freaking out. I told him I wasn’t.

We got closer to the house, actually, Bertholdt Fubar’s house or, more likely, his parents’ house. I hadn’t gotten a check on that, but it seemed his parents were away and Jean convinced him and Reiner, Bert’s neighbor, to hold the party for the whole class. Even so, I knew for sure that there weren’t only people from our class walking around.

“Who the hell is the owner of this hugeass house?” Levi asked, arms crossed, facing of the front garden.

I chuckled. “Ahm, a friend of mine…” Was it even ok calling him friend? We weren’t that close.

“I’m a friend of yours.” Levi said with a high pitched voice at the end. That, actually, had just made my night. I never really considered it before, but I guessed that, even after two weeks, we could be friends. Still, he pretty much had implied something I tried not to laugh at, as if he wasn’t good enough. It was weird how he liked to say it in such a subtle way.

When we stepped into the house, I noted that Levi was incredibly close to me, as if he didn’t want to get lost in the middle of the crowd, which was actually huge. I tried to keep an eye on him, just being considerate, and he’d give me some looks to assure me he was following. Talking, though, was out of question, because the music was blasting like crazy in the living room.

Not really knowing where to go, we wandered for a while; pretty much discovering the house and finding out the bathrooms were already a _no_.

“Where the hell will I pee?” I yelled through the noise.

“The problem is not about peeing. What if you need to take a dump?” Levi yelled back, kind of uncomfortable by doing so.

Connie found me in a matter of minutes, almost dragging me along the way into some other area. I only had the time to pull Levi by his sweater so he’d come along.

In the room there was Armin, Jean, Mikasa, Annie, Reiner, Bert, Sasha and now Connie, Levi and I. All the eyes were cast on me the moment I appeared as if I was the main attraction, as if they were all eyes and ears about who I brought along. I had a feeling it would have turned into such a big deal, because that was Jean, drama _queen_ about every little shit I did and said.

“Hey, look who I found.” Connie said.

Jean’s eyes almost glinted at my sight. “Oh, Eren…”

It was awkward. It was actually awkward and even more awkward was when I felt Levi’s hand above mine, asking me to let go of his shirt or I would wrinkle it.

Armin and Mikasa kept studying me while the rest of them just grinned at me.

“So, Eren…? Who’s your friend?”

Levi was behind me, so I had to step aside for them to see him because, well, Levi was small. There’s no other simpler way to put it. He was just small.

I made the introductions, all of them said _hi_ and Levi replied between what was possible for him to do, being Levi who he was. Jean, though… Jean had to start it. He got closer, eyeing me from hair to toe and bowing his head slightly at Levi, who replied with the same gesture.

“Ok, so… let’s get to the main point. Where’s your date?”

I was going to reply, I swear I was, but…

“I’m his date.” Levi prompted as he checked for some inexistent dust between his nails and his fingers.

Finally, Jean took his time watching Levi, almost jerking his head when he yelled. “Oh my god, I remember you! You were at the parking lot back then when this shitload decided to punch my face!”

I gritted my teeth, ready to start a fight, but Levi interrupted, again. I was starting to guess he was doing it on purpose.

“Yes, I remember you too.” There was an underline swimming around Levi’s face but he didn’t voice it.

Armin stepped closer and I noticed everyone else had already engaged in some sort of conversation, apart from Mikasa who kept glaring at me.

“You don’t go to our school, do you?” Armin asked.

“No. I’m in university, already.”

“Wow, no way!” I saw how my best friend’s eyes glinted at Levi in a very annoying way. “What do you study?”

“Law.”

Ok, the rest of the conversation was obvious. We ended up sitting with them. Armin kept interrogating Levi about university and Law and how interesting it was. I wasn’t really paying attention after a while, because I was more worried about defending myself against Jean’s stupid accusations of me taking another guy as a date when I was all hatred about whatever had _gay_ implied in it.

Ymir and Christa joined us after a while. I saw them exchange a concerned look when they saw Levi but that was it.

It was awkward, because suddenly everything was normal. Everyone would address Levi as if he was one of us, or one of them, and Levi would reply, sometimes adding an insult here and there but no one seemed to mind that, no one besides Mikasa, but I tried to keep ignoring her.

When some of us got up to go get some drinks, Armin grabbed me by an arm. “I knew you were lying.” He told me with a grin.

“What? I wasn’t—”

“You were. Because you’d never invite some other _guy_ to a party, Eren. Unless it was me… Because you really don’t like people that much. So you were just proving yourself to Jean.”

I sighed. “Could you please stop throwing your psychology shit on me? Use it to treat your boyfriend’s mental health.”

“Wow, you’re a dick sometimes.” He shoved my arm away, half grinning half just mad at me.

We reached the kitchen. And probably because it was a kitchen, the music echoed a lot in there. It looked like a disco and Levi couldn’t help himself and throw a couple of remarks at it.

We all grabbed something to drink. Jean, I noted, took a full bottle of whiskey with him, saying he wouldn’t share with anyone because that’s how life sucks. I almost felt like throwing a canteen at him, but it would be a waste of a drink.

Mikasa pinched my arm and told me she would like to talk to me in private, to what I replied we’d talk at home. Armin, grinning at me, just pinched my arm and said the exact same thing.

“Now, who’s being a dick?” I asked, not even knowing if I was mad.

“No one. But, hey… Levi is…”

I didn’t know why but my defenses pulled over the moment he started talking like that. “What?”

“Wow, calm down. I mean, I just never imagined you being _friends_ with someone like him.”

“Well, I—”

Ymir, who was right behind me, passed by with a grin on her face. “He’s too good for you, Eren.” And with that, she disappeared from the kitchen, holding Christa in one of her arms. Another thing I couldn’t understand was their relationship, but whatever.

Armin snorted and left me alone with my thoughts, which were actually going at the speed of a stupid torpedo. I was so fucked up. Sooner or later I would have to face _it_ and with Levi around everything was just going too fast. I was scared.

I got closer to the counter of the kitchen and sunk down in one of the chairs, almost jumping when Levi suddenly sat beside me. We were alone, with only Reiner and Bert around discussing something about the previous football game.

“Who is it that’s too good for you?”

I gave him a quick glance. He wasn’t smirking, he was actually pretty serious. I had no idea what he was drinking but it seemed to taste nice, at least it smelled nice. I was too tensed up, so when _Wake Me Up_ started bumping in the living room, I was actually grateful for the distraction.

Levi took a sip of his drink, not even waiting for my reply. Knowing him, he had probably heard the whole thing so there was nothing to worry about by not replying.

My face found my hands and then my hands went through my hair. I sighed. I was exhausted and the night had just started.

“I was expecting something different.” Levi mumbled after a while.

“What?”

“Your friends, they seem like nice people.”

“Yeah…” I had no idea why he was saying that. “You sure talked a lot.”

He grinned. “Mind you. I always talk my share when I need to.”

“Right. Half an hour on the phone… For someone who doesn’t like phone calls, it took you a while to hang up.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish.” It only seized me a second to realize what I’d done. My eyes slowly rolled to Levi and I caught him in the process of raising an eyebrow, not at me but at the distance. “I’m sort of scared right now, because you didn’t deny that.”

“Eren.” It was simple and strong and I just had to sink in my chair.

“What?”

He passed me his drink, without looking at me. His eyes were craved on the people walking around and dancing in the living room right ahead of us. I guessed I should take a gulp of it and so I did, regretting it the moment I thought it was a good idea because that guy had to speak again.

He had his chin sitting on his hand and he looked thoughtful. His eyes only rolled a bit to me when he talked. “Are you gay?”

I choked. No, I did fucking choke on the stupid drink, then on the air I was breathing at the moment. I simply choked on my soul. “What?” I cried out, after coughing like crazy.

“Hm, thought so.” He said, taking the drink back into his hands.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I had to shake my head but, still, nothing came out. And be it fate working its shit on me, the fucking song had to throw in the lines _all this time I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost_. It was impossible not to blush, especially when Levi choked on the drink after that, and started trembling like a freak, turning away from me so I wouldn’t see him laugh.

I felt like dying. I really did. Because he’d known all along, since the very beginning… but we hadn’t yet put it into words. Because yes, I was gay since I started thinking about having sexual experiences, even before masturbation was a thing. But it was wrong, it was just wrong. So all I had to do was throw in the hate mode and pretend I never felt like that. But then Armin had to come along and assume himself. And Jean, that bastard, had to be the one taking his hand. I was jealous because they were so carefree about it. Because that’s fucking wrong. And then there was Levi. Because if there wasn’t Levi, and that mysterious attitude of his, I would probably have made it. But he had to dig in.

“Stop laughing…” It was a whisper but he did stop. I wasn’t sure he’d heard me, though.

The glass with his sweet drink had been placed as far as his arm could have stretched. So when he turned, he was hiding his face in his arms. “Sorry.” Was all he said, and it sounded sincere, but I knew he was still grinning like an idiot and that was why he was hiding it. “You know… it’s easy to see it. Because you’re all over the fucking place. If you want to keep covering for it, then don’t be all over the place. You suck at lying.”

“I know.”

He turned to me, sliding the bowl of glass in my direction. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I knew what he was doing. “No.” Was what I said, but I still grabbed the bowl and dropped all of its content down my throat, feeling it burn me from inside out and warming up my stomach. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, dizzy.

Levi tilted his head to the side with half a smile showing on his face. “Ok, we won’t talk about it. So was that good?”

I nodded. “Yeah, the hell was it?”

“Wanna know? It has a funny name.”

“Yeah…?”

“Jägermeister.” He grinned.

“Oh my god, you…”

“I know.” He told me, getting up to go get some other bowl and the rest of the bottle. “I used to call that to your father. Talking about that, how’s it going?”

I suddenly felt a lot lighter. My anger was gone and my fear had shrunk quite a bit. “Oh, well, not a big deal… I mean, it’s not a big deal.” It wasn’t. All I had to do was stick around him for an hour and then he’d tell me to go home and study a bit more. I wasn’t even sure why he wanted me to waste an hour at his office in a stupid faculty. I told all that to Levi, of course, and he just shrugged.

“By the way, I’ve been wondering… You told me you kinda ran away from home… Who pays for your fees at college?”

He tensed up for a while but then, after a deep sigh, he relaxed. “Erwin pays for them.”

“What?” I watched him serve me my drink. “What do you mean…?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Is it?”

Levi sighed and sat down again. “It’s fucked up. After what happened, he felt responsible for me so he started taking care of me, but in that fucking cold distant way he does. And the shitty part was that I couldn’t say no. So I let him turn me into his project. He felt safe, you know? A _fake_ kind of safe. It was enough for a while but then reality sinks in like a bitch and it’s not all sparkles and shit anymore. It sucks, Eren. It really does. Because if it wasn’t for Hanji, or sometimes the guys at college, or even you—” He looked at me when he said it “—It would be lonely. It really would. So I apologize, in advance, for my—”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“I know what you’re going to say. Don’t. It’s fine.” I sighed. “If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be here right now, so it’s fine.” I knew what he would say. I knew he would apologize about being fucked up, about being who he was and acting how he acted. But it was actually fine. That’s what made him Levi, so it was cool.

He looked at me, blaming me with that face of his for saying the right thing.

When _La La La_ dropped, we stayed quiet, just drinking and listening to the song. I couldn’t help but sing along, the song was just really pretty. Then, _Radioactive_ followed and I actually beamed when it started.

“I love Imagine Dragons…”

Levi smirked. “Sounds like you.”

“What? No, they’re actually good!”

“I know they are. By the way, I didn’t tell you before, but I love your voice.”

I blushed, because I couldn’t help it. “Thanks? But why…?”

“You can sing. That’s it.” He didn’t waste much time with the compliment and returned his attention to his drink.

It was actually quite peaceful and I was enjoying being like this. Inviting him did turn out to be a good idea after all because, despite the shit, he was a good company after the awkwardness was gone.

The next song made me roll my eyes and Levi sighed at it. _Blurred Lines_ , were these guys just broadcasting MTV or something? Plus, Jean came in the kitchen, eyeing me and almost tripping on himself when he got closer.

He was drunk. He was really drunk.

“Eren…” He started. “We need to talk about something important…” It was amazing he could talk without rolling his tongue.

“What?” I wasn’t anything better. By that time, I was asking Levi to refill my cup. He kinda said we’d have to walk home because he wasn’t driving us both after that.

Jean went around the counter and got closer to me throwing his arm above my shoulders. By the corner of my eye, I saw Levi look at us in pure amusement.

“What is it, Eren?” Jean threw in with a sarcastic tone. “Why the long face?”

“You’re the one with a long face, Jean. Fuck off.”

“What?”

I brushed his arm off. “You’re drunk, go away.”

Jean turned to Levi. “How can you stand him?”

Levi would never stand up for me, I knew it. And he didn’t.

“I simply don’t.”

It took Jean a while to understand the phrasing but then he just turned around, yelling something as he left. He was so drunk. It all made him even more disgusting.

“Jean is hilarious.”

I slammed both hands on the counter. “What?!”

Levi sighed. “Calm down. And put your fists down. You really don’t want to end up in the hospital, kid.”

The fact was interesting. I had to grin, challenging, but he just got up and patted my shoulder, telling me it was time to socialize. I did follow him, against my will. I had drank a lot more than he did; he actually stayed around one bowl, while I had three of them, so getting into the other room turned out to be a funny challenge.

When we got there, the difference was notorious. Jean was drunk; Armin was happy and trying to get a hold of his boyfriend who seemed to be getting hornier by the minute. Reiner was drunk and I was amazed to find out he was a loud kind of drunk. Bert, on the other hand, was just laughing at how funny the others were being. Mikasa seemed ok, even though I could see her blushing. Annie was normal. Ymir and Christa seemed quite normal as well.

They were all playing games. But I only joined when it went from truth of dare to poker.

 

_(Levi)_

I was actually surprised.

At first, the thought of going to that party seemed boring. Still, it was an escape. So I was actually glad it didn’t turn like shit. I should say why it didn’t turn like shit. Because they were good kids. They reminded me of the things I never had when I was their age. Because Eren was being Eren was that was good. And also because it turned out that picking on his sister was one of the most amusing things ever. It was almost as good and picking on Eren, though the reactions were entirely different.

The brat was so into his poker game, trying to beat the horse face, he didn’t notice when I slipped away. But Mikasa, his sister, did. So when I sat down in one of the oval chairs that were around the room, she sat down in the one next to me.

“Who’re you?” Was what she asked me, craving her eyes on me as if she was trying to shoot me death. It didn’t work, though.

“Levi. And you’re Mikasa.”

“How do you know?” There was a growl.

“Your brother told me about you. And we were presented to each other like… two hours ago.”

She went all soft for a while. It seemed that Eren taking consideration of her was something she looked forward to. It was interesting.

“Why are you here?”

“Because Eren invited me and I had nothing better to do.”

“You don’t sound like someone who would just come along.”

 “Maybe… but…” I raised a brow at her. “Your _brother_ is interesting.”

Her eyes went sharper. “Is he…?”

“You know he is.”

Mikasa blinked. She blinked probably more times than I fucking dared to count but she understood what I meant. “Our kind of _interesting_ is different…”

And that was she trying to pull it out of me. I smirked, because I had to. It was more of a defense mechanism than anything else. So I wondered for a while if it was that different. Well, it was because she was his sister, despite all she transpired. Plus, she was a lot overprotective. I could imagine that being one of the reasons Eren would avoid her most of the time. Still, she did care. Did I care? I did care. Because that was the shit I’d been digesting the whole afternoon. Two weeks was a short period of time, but it was a start. I didn’t want to sound rushed, but time wouldn’t move any slower and we wouldn’t get younger. There was an age gap, but that was by far the last of things I’d be worried about. I’d told Eren before that he was interesting, the kind to be unfolded. That was what was driving me unconsciously into it, despite my stupid façade. So yes, I did care. Still, I didn’t care enough. Not yet. “They are different. I’m glad they are.”

“Are you…?”

“Might be.” There was nothing to add and she was upset. Upset enough to get up and disappear from my sight.

It wasn’t hard to spend the time when I had people to watch and study. It was an old habit of mine and it was something I enjoyed, to just stop and watch. It was a way to learn things without getting in trouble. And shit, it did teach me a lot of _gears_.

I would probably start with Jean, because he was such a loud type of person when he was drunk that it was just impossible to ignore him. Jean was a dick, just like Eren had told. But he was also kind. And I could see that by the way he treated Armin. If I had to guess something, I’d say they were fucking cute. And that’s it. Jean was smart; he didn’t fall behind on Armin, who seemed to have nice manipulative skills over everyone, even Eren, that dipshit.

Those badass dudes, Reiner and Bertholdt, were a big square or a big triangle if we add the blonde girl. It wasn’t hard to figure it out. The way the dark haired kid looked at the girl who was not so happily keeping a conversation with Mikasa – who kept her eyes on Eren the whole time – and the way Reiner was over concerned at the whole thing.

Connie and Sasha, who I had previously met, were those kinds of kids I could imagine Erwin and Hanji having trouble with all the fucking time. They were just a big piece.

And then, there was Eren. The shitty brat who kept clouding my thoughts whenever I decided it was ok to consider some shit. He kept giving me looks from time to time, as if checking if I was ok. It was funny and annoying, but still funny. I had no idea if I was growing soft on him. I didn’t want to, but part of it was unavoidable.

I really had to think about it, though, because it was already happening. I knew it was. But before that, I needed a confirmation from the other side. Because I knew he knew I was hanged by my past and if this would be something to consider, then I’d have to take care of that part of me.

 

_(Eren)_

I did lose the game, because Jean had to win, because Armin helped him win. So after shoving a couple of tantrums at them, I sulked in one of the oval chairs. I was drunk enough to be more of a kid than usual. So yes, I was moping.

Whoever was in charge of the music, made it clear he or she was a fan of Avicii. It was like the third time the song _You Make Me_ repeated in a row. It was irritating and it even riveted my pouting.

Mikasa walked by, kneeling beside me and offering me a beer. I accepted, but when she didn’t leave right away I was sure she wanted me to talk a bit more.

“What?” I asked.

“Why are you sulking?”

“Because.”

She sighed and got up again. “You’re ok?”

I didn’t reply and dug into my drink. She stayed for a while, but seeing how I wasn’t even paying attention, she left.

That was when I remembered I was supposed to be with someone else, that someone else being Levi. But he wasn’t anywhere to be found and that was even more annoying. Suddenly, after losing that stupid game, everything was more annoying.

Jean was cuddling with Armin in another one of the oval chairs. That was also pretty annoying. But I seriously had to drop the hating. First of all, Armin already got enough at school. Plus, he wasn’t as confident as he sounded. Secondly, I had my own amount of troubles to worry about. Speaking of which, I was even more confused than before. If I could just get a hint, if this was actually going somewhere, but no… Levi had to be a box. Plus, there was Erwin Smith. And then there was me again, and I had no idea what to do with myself. I was never good at thinking, so I’d leave the thinking for someone else. Who was I kidding anyway?

“…ren. Eren.”

“What?” I turned around. Levi was glaring down at me.

“Watch your tone, kid. Anyway, I’m here to ask at what time you want to leave.”

I gave it a thought. “I don’t know. Anyway, where have you been?”

He pointed at the open window. “Outside. The atmosphere is pretty warm.” Since I didn’t reply, he simply sighed and took the beer can from my hand. “I’ll be having this. I don’t want to have to drag you home…”

“I might just crash over.”

“What?” He seemed annoyed. Good, that was good. _No, it wasn’t_. “I won’t even comment on that. Get over that drunken state of yours.”

I ignored him, thinking was not among my set of capacities at the time. “Sorry.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Wait…” He paused and I knew he was grinning. “Don’t tell me you’re upset because you lost a game…”

“I’m upset by a lot of things, actually.”

“And you were just fine a few moments ago. Do you have mood swings?”

I sighed and leaned my head back to look at him. “I would actually like to go home right now. What time is it?”

“About two in the morning.”

After a deep breath I did get up. Sort of dizzy, but not dizzy enough to fall. “Alright, let’s go then. You’re probably bored.”

“No, not really. But sure, let’s go.” He left me for a while, saying he’d go get something not alcoholic for me to drink on the way to the car, and meanwhile I told Mikasa I was going home. She offered herself to drive me but I told her it was out of courtesy not to let Levi do it since he’d been the one picking me up. _Courtesy_ , such a rich word to use at two in the morning. “Alright, let’s go.” Levi was back faster than I thought he would be.

On the way out I noticed the house was almost empty, only a few of us stayed behind. The music was on replay and no one was in the living room anymore.

I had a bottle of water in my hands and I was told to drink at least half of it before we reached the car. It did help, actually. Levi explained that I just needed to keep myself hydrated and I wouldn’t suffer with any sort of terrible hangover. I took his words into consideration and kept quiet until we were finally on the way to my house.

“Thanks for coming with me.” I said. It was sincere, but I still had that gut feeling, telling me to be careful about what I thought, felt or said.

“Sure.”

“Hey…”

“What.”

“Remember back then at the bar, when we came outside because Erwin was there and—whatever—you told me something about sprouting my wings.”

It took him a while to reply but he eventually did. “Yeah.”

“And you added _‘don’t be like me’_ somewhere along that sentence…”

“Yeah.”

I wasn’t really thinking about what I was saying, I was being careful, but it was all on my instincts. I was just opening my mouth. “I think—I really don’t know what I think, to tell the truth but… What would you do if someone opened that cage you seem to be in for you?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” His voice trembled with laugher.

“I really have no idea…” And so did mine. I hated what alcohol did to me, really. “Ok, let me just snap for a bit.” I finished the bottle of water and waved it in front of Levi. He just remarked something I didn’t even listen to and then we dropped the conversation.

His phoned started flashing all of a sudden, but he only picked it up when we parked in front of my house. I waited for a while, but then I just wanted to leave and sleep over a lot of things. Still, when I was about to cling to the door, Levi’s hand was on my shoulder.

It took me a while to catch the look of his face, but when I did I simply leaned back. He wasn’t talking; he was just listening to whoever was on the other side of the line.

“I’ll be there in a second.” Was how he ended the call.

I blinked. “What’s wrong?”

His jaw was set in a way I’d never seen before. He was tense, eyes craved on the horizon. “Would you mind coming with me somewhere?”

“Depends… what happened?”

“Erd and the others had a car crash.”

My heart dropped, and I wasn’t drunk all of a sudden. My mind snapped back into reality and so did my thoughts, so of course I said I’d go along. I had to go along.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, it's finally here... This chapter was a pain in the ass because it's all but feelings and memories. I had to rewrite it because I started mixing chapter ten into this one and then it turned pretty bad. I am not happy about this one like this either, but oh well. It won't get better, so I apologize if it's really just bad. Still, thank you Suzu, for your hard work; and do wait for chapter ten!? Cuz that is THE chapter. It really is.
> 
> ((Also, please don't kill me, alright? Cause and effect, cause and effect! It's thanks to this Levi's life will also turn in a way like it never did before))

 

When people consider numbness, they do it in a very subtle way. They just say it’s like anything matters and everything just sounds right in a way that won’t get you pumped with joy over it. Truth to be told, it was true. But it wasn’t a small matter at all. I have no idea of how much close it was to my daily _I-don’t-care_ attitude, because it seemed a bit nostalgic, but there was certainly a much more deep feeling to it. It was as if I was a machine, only gathering up information and executing what was necessary for my body to move. Words were inexistent and all of that made me feel small and worthless. I hated numbness.

Eren was by my side the whole time, but he didn’t say anything. I was driving pretty peacefully for someone who was about to receive some rather not pleasant news. Yes, I had prepared myself for the worst. I always had a tendency to do that. Still, the numbness made it impossible for any further thoughts regarding the matter to develop.

My eyes were feeling as heavy as rocks and, for a moment, I thought I was tired. Then, I reminded myself—if I can even call it that taking into consideration my brain wasn’t working accordingly—that it was just the effect being numb had on me. I’d get sleepy and I’d sleep over the issue. Being awake would cause me stress and pain and that was something I didn’t need anymore.

I think I made a wrong turn somewhere along the way, but Eren didn’t really know where we were headed so he kept quiet. On the phone, Nanaba had told me to head towards the sixth exit to the suburbs. I guess I automatically assumed they were taking Petra home but that was all my brain could gasp before I decided to make my way.

The lights around the car started to become shallower and I guessed we were almost there. It would be probably hard to park if we got further up the road so I decided parking right outside of the city was a good idea. It was night so, unless some drug dealer wanted to use my car, there wouldn’t be a problem.

I turned off the engine and stared sappily at the wheel. My eyes rolled to follow the noise of skin rubbing jeans and I caught a glimpse of Eren’s hands. With my brain still in a valueless state, I guessed he probably wanted to say something but couldn’t because of the heaviness of the situation—that had yet to fall upon me.

Eventually, the air got stiff because neither of us moved out and Eren was forced to break the silence. “Hey…”

I looked down at my legs. “What…?”

“Look at me for a while…”

I did, though frowned in the process of doing so. I was flabbergasted to notice Eren’s full concern over me and whatever was happening. And I say _me_ because it was all over his fucking face. His eyes were gleaming with that warmth they already had hanging around naturally all the time, but in a more irritating way. His lips were fairly gaped and dry. His brows almost joined together in a way I started wondering if they were nothing but a one brow line. I was looking at him and I had no idea was kind of face I was making, but it must have been a terrible one because Eren bit his lower lip and averted his eyes.

At that simple action, my mind sunk. A load of awareness came rushing from wherever it derived from and assaulted me as if I had called for it to come. The numbness was replaced with worry and my whole body tensed up. I was fucking done with myself. My jaw was hurting because of how tight it was set. It was as if no matter how much I wanted to relax, I couldn’t. There was also a weird feeling about how my eyes were suddenly sharper than before. If my face was anymore pale then I’d look like a stoned human being.

Eventually, I robotically got out of the car. Eren followed my example, keeping up with my stride as we walked up the street.

I had no idea how long the fucking walk took us, but it was long enough for my brain to start pulling out that bullshit brains tend to do sometimes. I knew I wasn’t one to think about things before they were actually happening, but call it a moment of weakness when I started seeing flashes of what had previously been something I thought I’d forgotten.

My brain pulled me back to my first morning as a university student. That cold morning, despite the summer-y air… I was never one to be nervous, but university had gotten me into an overly compulsive stressed out state. The reasons were multiple, being one the fact that I knew I’d fuck that one up as well because I wasn’t doing it for myself but for someone else’s expectations, and other the fact that dealing with people was starting to be a hard thing to process. Still, when I lost my way trying to find in which room I’d be attending classes, I met Petra, the pretty girl all the first years kept talking about.

Petra hit me as a hard rock as light as a feather. She was kind, beautiful—for what I was allowed to think—and patient. She didn’t falter at my bad temper, she accepted me whole heartedly since the very first moment. I had never guessed I’d befriend any other woman besides Hanji, but there I was.

Through time, I came to understand Petra was the kind of person to babysit everyone, really. She got a hold of Erd since he seemed to be skipping classes more often than he attended to them. Gunter came along the way as Erd’s best friend, and Auruo ended up joining us for the very purpose of being close to Petra—I’d noticed.

Eventually, call it cause and effect, they were part of my life and I was part of theirs. They never lost hope in my being, despite me being a nag and skipping whatever friendly meeting they wanted to attend or even set up.

Petra confessed to me around the end of our third year, not so long ago, actually. I was sort of surprised because I’d never guessed someone would actually enjoy my company so much. I always had this feeling that just like I found everyone annoying, everyone would find me annoying in return. Still, I kindly turned her down. It was also around that time Auruo decided trying to be me would get him some credit. It actually did, but in a different way than he’d expected it.

A faint glint of blue and red lights ahead of us snapped me back to reality. I was a mess, I really was, and it hadn’t even started.

The closer we got, the better the scene started to clear out of our eyes. I could see a bunch of cars almost clamped into each other, some were even upside down. A faint thought of what happened crossed my mind but I tried not to let it wander too much.

A few people were gathered close to one of the police cars parked on the side of the road. My eyes caught a glimpse of Nanaba and I instinctively pushed myself to walk to him without giving any look to the amount of ambulances stationed closed to the ball of cars in the middle of the street.

It didn’t take him long to catch my eye and almost run to me. “Hey…” He huffed as if the distance he’d run was a marathon. “Sorry for the sudden call, but I had no idea who else I was going to—” He interrupted himself with a tongue click and the raised his eyes to mine. I knew he had a rather familiar stand when dealing with hardships, I’d known that much since the moment we crossed gazes for the first time, still, he was reluctant about what he should express, if pure daze or a fair amount of guilt, fear and sorrow.

Without any words for him I let my eyes wander around the people who were staring and commenting at the scene. I had no idea who they were but that was alright. My orbs followed their line of stare to the car crash scene and my heart fluttered agonizingly at how bad it seemed now that I took a closer look. I felt my fists, I never knew I’d formed, fall numb beside my sides. If I still had any hope about what had happened to my friends, now it was all shattered.

Nanaba probably caught my realization because when he spoke his voice was scratchy as if he’d just waken up. “I was going to Mike’s house… Work dragged a bit longer than usual but he said he’d been waiting for me—” He knew I didn’t care about that but he still went on “—I was surprised to find it like this. The policemen didn’t let me get closer, saying it was dangerous, but then…” He paused to take a breath and cough. “When I was about to turn around, considering it was none of my business, I saw them taking _her_ body from below that trash…”

I had no idea my eyes could hurt so much. I had no idea my muscles could tense so much. And I had no idea who I was trying to sell those features of mine to.

“I saw them put a white cover above the body after they examined her on the outside… They were shaking their heads, Levi.” Was he making it more painful to listen? He wasn’t, he was just throwing up that shit on me and then he’d do it later with his boyfriend and probably get comforted because I knew he cared a lot for Petra—who didn’t anyway—and he’d be ok. He’d get over it. “Levi…” Another pause and I braced myself. “Petra’s dead.”

That stung. No, it fucking stung because I had no idea of how to react to such sudden news. I was numb, I was hurting in places I never thought I could hurt, but there I was. There was this big moment of silence where my eyes simply flickered everywhere, panicking, trying not to set still so they wouldn’t flood. And then my mouth was moving and my brain was on fire and I had to keep myself as cool as possible when I looked over to Nanaba. “What about the others?” I was surprised my voice sounded as normal as ever and I hated myself over my self-control. They deserved better than my fucking self-control. Shit me.

Nanaba shot a look to Eren, I guessed, who was standing beside me, and then sighed and closed his eyes in a very painful way. “I’m sorry…” Was what he said before shoving a hand to his head.

“What…”

“There are no survivors, Levi.” That did it. Fucking self defense mechanisms of mine, shutting me up from inside out. I was a fucking prick for that.

My eyes were craved on the scene, that immense ball of cars. I could easily distinguish Erd’s stupid and old dark blue Camaro under the other shitload of vehicles. I had no idea how something like that happened, but I didn’t want to guess it. Something so big would end up showing up in some newspaper. It was a disaster for the press if they wouldn’t even be there in less than an hour because, apparently, the police and been there for a while.

Everything was sinking in. I knew it. It was getting almost impossible to bear. And everything just got worse when more people and cars started to gather around us. And when, especially, a certain old man I remembered from old pictures came running and whining from behind us and rushed to the scene.

Nanaba almost gave me a pleaded look before he rushed after Petra’s father. My brain shattered.

What was I doing there? Why had I decided to even go there? I didn’t belong in there. It was starting to get too familiar to spare me a cold thought. Losing a parent or both would end up being how things followed up. But losing a son or a daughter? That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. There was no manual about it. It wasn’t the natural course of things. So, of course, it didn’t surprise me when the old man’s whines turned into shouts and then pleadings. It was amazing how I could hear him despite the noise that was starting to build up.

My friends, the only bunch of friends I’d ever gone through the trouble of making, were gone. They were gone. They wouldn’t come back. Erd wouldn’t wave at me every time I climbed those stupid ladders from our faculty. Gunter wouldn’t hang around me by just simply being there as a shadow like he usually did. Petra wouldn’t bug me; reminding me to keep my ass set for the work our teachers delegated us. Auruo wouldn’t be there to remind me of how childish adults could be when in love. Oh, right… Auruo probably never confessed his feelings.

Erd would have been such a good lawyer. He had it all figured out. He wasn’t the brain of our class but he aced whatever he decided to put his mind into. He was amazing. Gunter would never be able to accomplish his wish of forming his own firm with Erd. Petra, that beautiful girl, would never be able to prove her worth to her family. Auruo would never get the girlfriend of his dreams. All their plans, hopes and wishes, they were all gone and I hated the very thought of it.

I was stoned, so of course my body didn’t react when someone’s hand landed on my shoulder.

“Levi…” Eren started. There was something weird about his voice, but I ignored it. “How are you…?” The question seemed stupid but I couldn’t blame the kid.

My eyes wavered through the scene a bit more before I replied dryly at his question. “I can’t feel my heartbeat.”

“I’m sorry…” There was a sob.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” And now that he mentioned it, I was supposed to be there as well. I’d have been in that car if I’d decided to go. My breath faltered at that. I had no idea what to think about it. I had no idea if my presence would have changed anything about what happened, but one thing I was certain about and that was that I was glad for not being dead. I was glad for not being a corpse. I was fucking glad I had attended to a party full of kids. And I was an asshole for feeling like that when I should have shared the same fate as them from the very beginning.

“It’s not your fault either…”

I pursed my lips. “I don’t know about that, kid… I’m just… bleeding out.”

“But you have to hold on…”

“You say that… But, once again, what was right is wrong. I am getting tired of this shit.”

There was another sob and then a couple of mumbles I couldn’t understand. When I finally decided to turn, my eyes widened at how terribly Eren was crying right in front of me. I would have naturally averted my eyes to give him some privacy, but I just couldn’t. I had no idea why he was crying, it didn’t make sense. I was scared I might have fucked that one up too. I was actually scared and my body reacted to the feeling, reaching a hand out for him.

“What the fuck… Eren… Why are you crying?” My voice was devoid of emotion but I guessed he wouldn’t care much about it.

He sobbed again and then he started crying, throwing two fists at his eyes as if that would stop the tears from falling. “I don’t know… but I know the feeling… your feelings… So just… just don’t look as if you’re about to lose your will or some shit…”

I blinked, still confused. “What…?”

“I don’t know much… but I know enough to understand how important they were for you…”

“Eren, I don’t—”

He snapped and glared at me with his eyes full of tears. “What the fuck, just cry already! Don’t look as if you’re a lifeless body… show some emotion…” He fell back into his hopeless state as he finished his lines. “Care a bit, for the time being… I know you do, but show them… just show them…”

My heart finally decided to show a sign of life and squeeze hard inside my chest. I sighed and just pulled Eren to me, giving my best into that hug like I’d never done before. I was never good at comforting and it was funny I was the one comforting him, but it was ok.

Eren tugged at the back of my shirt, face diving in the curve of my neck, crying like an idiot full of life. He was almost hopeless. Just almost…

“Who did you lose?” I whispered after a while, already knowing the answer.

“Mom…” He replied with a gasp.

“Was it hard?”

He nodded. “Hard as hell.”

“Did you cry?” I already knew the answer for that one as well.

“No.”

“Then cry.” I felt more tears roll down to my skin but he stayed quiet about it this time. “Because she fucking deserves it for raising the hell of a son like you.”

The awkward but warm embrace kept getting tighter and tighter but after a while it softened and Eren was just limbs all around me.

Unconsciously, I was glad about Eren’s outburst. Thanks to him my mind snapped away from what was at hand and rolled to him just as if he was a sponge ready to absorb my whole attention, if not my whole being. Even when I took him back to the car, I was at ease. We were both seating in our respecting places. Eren was looking throughout the window and I was just staring at my legs. My phone eventually rang and I had to pick it up. It was Nanaba.

According to him, the accident’s reason seemed to have been the excessive use of speed. It was almost laughable in a sad way because that was just so much like Erd. He also filled me up about a lot more stuff. He told me about their parents, about who were the other victims. Summed up, it took him almost half an hour to finish the call.

I was left looking at the screen of my phone for a while, until Eren startled me with a sudden crackle while trying to open the door.

“Fuck!”

I blinked. “What is it?”

Eren turned to me as if he had seen a ghost. “I need to pee, oh my god, like you’d never imagine!”

“What.”

“I am going to pee like… right now.”

“No. Way. You. Will. Get the fuck out of my car.”

He whirled himself out and even left the door hanging open. I almost had to hold my stomach because it was hurting from the strength I was making to contain my laugher. It was a painful struggle. My heart was hurting, telling me it was not the right time to laugh, but Eren was there and he made it easy. He made everything easy. And then it happened. For the first time, my insides tensed up and I dropped what someone could have called a skip of a beat. I would later realize it was more than me being confused over what was going on with my body while dealing with pain.

I leaned back on my seat and waited for Eren to come back.

“Oh god, pissing never felt so good.”

I sighed and took the key to the ignition. “I guess I just need to take you home.”

“Are you going home?”

I arched an eyebrow, not necessarily at him but at his line. “No.”

“Then I wanna stick around, if that’s cool.” He said before shooting me a look. “Just to ensure you’re ok.”

I had no idea about what to think of that so I simply ignored his existence and got out of there. There was no thought in particular to where I was headed, but the beach did pop up in my mind just in time for me to set my heady.

Eren fell asleep after a while. I looked over at him a couple of times to keep my brain distracted. I noticed that his face would tense up sometimes, as if he was having a bad dream. His lashes were longer than I had noticed before. He was actually pretty to look at.

My chest did that flustered thing again and I had to click my tongue at it. I’d know this was going over something, but I never guessed it would be getting this serious. Still, Eren wasn’t enough if he wasn’t looking over me with his usual self, so, among what I could master, my eyes did flood and suddenly I was all but tears. The road turned out impossible to see for a while, but I guess I did a good job at keeping my orbs clean for the rest of the journey.

It was a nostalgic feeling. My eyes would give quick looks at the speedometer, but I didn’t even question why I was driving so slowly. I really had no idea of what was going on around me. _It is a nostalgic feeling…_

When I was a kid I remembered asking my mother where she worked at, because she would never be at home when I had to go to sleep. She always told me that she worked hard to keep us fed and that she hopped that someday I’d be proud of her. I just never expected to find her selling herself in the main street of our town. I never expected her to suggest herself to the guys I was with and I never guessed her face would look so disgraceful upon seeing the guy she was trying to own money from was her son. Just because I had this tendency of covering my head with hoods didn’t mean she didn’t have the right to recognize me. That was probably the reason why things turned out badly for me. I was only 13, and then women were something disgusting.

She blamed me for being out at such hours, when she didn’t even know I was also trying to get some money for us and I hoped that someday she’d be proud of me. She wasn’t, she simply slapped me and told me that wasn’t the life she expected me to have. I guess the fact that dad was turning into a smoking rock wasn’t helping at all. So when I confronted her, saying she couldn’t throw shit on me when she was selling her body, fucking other guys just to get money, she cried. Mom looked me square in the eye and told me “What would you do if your son was at home, crying all alone in the bedroom’s floor ‘cause he’s hungry and the only way to nourish him is to sleep with other men for a little bit of money…?”

I couldn’t blame her, but I was also ashamed. Not of her, but of myself. Because of me, my own mother had to do something that was against her own principles, because she always devoted herself only to the ones she loved. It was so wrong.

All of that explained the beating she got at home, and I never wanted to imagine what other guys would do to her. It didn’t last long, though. Because she was never strong, despite me thinking she was the strongest and most beautiful woman in the world, and she fell into depression. She committed suicide when I was 15; the same time I starting thinking the way I do now.

My world had vanished. Dad wouldn’t move from his chair unless he wanted to throw shit at me, so I just left and decided I was ok on my own with whatever mom had left behind. By that time, I met Erwin. I guess he was sort of touched when he found out about my story, that’s probably why it went how it went.

_A nostalgic feeling of when the world is about to collapse._

Eren was still sleeping when I threw the car into a parking lot with a privileged view to the sea. The sun was rising and the water was calm. It was fucking beautiful.

Unconsciously, my hand rolled to the side of my door and searched around for what later turned out to be a box of cigarettes. I took one out, along with the lighter, and opened the window on my side. Smoking a cigar in the name of my friend did seem like a good way to start bidding goodbyes. And hell, I was fucking right.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's finally here... Omg. Finally! I was wondering when I'd reach this point but I didn't want to rush it either, meeh. Anyway, let's celebrate the ereri on this, ok? I can tell you the next chapter won't have much since it will be just Levi's POV on a normal daily basis, but there's more interesting stuff right around the corner, so stay around?
> 
> Also, big thanks to all of you and your lovely comments! You have no idea how it makes my day when you write something or like something of mine. It's always a way for me to keep doing it cuz it's like "wow, someone enjoys the shit I do..." so thank you very much, really! I love you!

 

_(Eren)_

I almost jumped out of my seat when my phone started buzzing inside my pocket. I quickly reached out for it but the battery died the moment I caught a look over the screen, only to see Mikasa’s name fade away into nothing. I was out of battery and she was probably worried as hell. _Good one Eren. Just pray she didn’t tell a single soul. Especially not dad…_

A long yawn was a building up in the back of my throat but I tried to avoid it while I looked around trying to figure out where I was. I quickly recognized the vehicle as Levi’s car but Levi himself was nowhere to be found.

I unlocked my belt and propped to the door. Only then, a sudden rush of the latest events invaded my mind and I had to take a quick breath and swallow. “Shit.” I remembered the party, or most of it, and remembered the _after party_. I remembered crying and having Levi trying to comfort me for that when it was supposed to be the other way around. I was so lame. _Oh my God, Eren… You suck to the moon._

Took me a while to notice we were at the beach. I had no idea of how we’d gotten there but I was glad Levi had the idea. The sun was already rising up and the air had a certain nostalgic scent of summer to it. Right, summer was coming. I couldn’t wait for those merciful and so deserved summer vacations.

Despite the big headache, the wind blowing my hair felt quite good once I stepped out of the car. I just needed to find Levi, talk, and then politely ask him to take me home or I’d be dead into next week, for certain. Luckily, I didn’t even need to move an inch. He found me first.

“Glad to see you’re awake.”

I turned around with a snappish smile on my face and saw his eyes sharpen in reply. Levi was holding a plastic bag in a hand and something that smelled like a very warm coffee in the other one. My shit-eating grin just curled up even more.

“Is that for me?”

“Well, I figured you’re human and you eat.”

“Nice.” I reached out for my food and coffee and he liberally gave them to me before passing by to go seat on the wall between the parking lot and the sand. “Thanks.”

“No problem, kid.”

I sat next to him, digging at my food. Apparently, he nailed it with the big creamy cake he bought for me. I almost smiled to the moon at that, if there was a moon. It was hard to believe someone like him could actually be so sensitive, curt and conscious about such little things. No one would ever guess that, and I was starting to feel special for realizing I could see those little good aspects of his personality, of who he was. Still, there was no time for me to feel happy. There was something much more important surrounding the air and I had to strike right onto it. I knew he knew I would do it, but I was still afraid of any possible reaction.

“What time is it?” I asked, still considering how I’d say what I wanted to say. My heart was suddenly beating faster.

“Around eight, not sure...” He replied dryly at me.

“For how long have I been asleep?” I was taking bites and looking at him but his eyes seemed to be locked somewhere between the horizon and the outer space.

“Two hours or such…”

I nodded and took a full gulp of my coffee. “What have you been doing?”

Once again, Levi didn’t look at me when he replied. “Nothing in particular...”

Alright, he was being difficult. I had a thing to be blunt but now I was trying to avoid being too blunt. Even so, he wasn’t helping me at my job. It just felt as if he was lost deep in thought and had this recorded voice of his to reply to normal questions that didn’t require much thinking. It felt like I was talking to a machine.

I bit angrily at my cake and looked over at him again. “Hey, can you _please_ look at me?”

He did. He actually did. And only when I was staring right into his face I noticed his eyes were swollen. He’d been crying, most likely, and I wasn’t even there, awake. Not that I wanted to see him cry, that wasn’t it, but I wanted to help. I wanted to show I could be useful, that he could rely on me just like I did on him. I had no idea why, but I wanted him to trust me on that.

“Alright, ahm…” I tried to find the right words. His face was so blank I couldn’t read it. “I know I am sort of useless and I know you think I’m a brat… but if you need to talk about—”

“I’m fine, Eren.” He interrupted in that velvet calm voice of his.

Now I was the one to avert the eye contact. “Ok. If you say so…”

He muffled a laugh. “Is that lump any good? It kind of suited your face.”

My eyes rolled down to the remaining of my cake and then to Levi. I gave him a puzzled look. “Are you comparing me to a piece of cake?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, brat. Just saying I thought you’d have a sweet tooth.”

It wasn’t a lie so I just shrugged and ate the rest. I figured Levi was probably a winter-y person. Hot coffee and cakes was something people would rather get for themselves during winter when it was colder. Considering Levi took things and tastes seriously but always left a mark behind on everything he did, I could assume he was a winter-y person with winter-y habits.

I loved my moments of realization, so I just smiled at the horizon and nibbled at my coffee’s cup. I was almost done with that one too and soon I’d need to pee, _again_.

Levi seemed to appreciate the silence that took over us, being the waves the only sound we could hear. Some seagulls would pass by from time to then. When I noticed, my coffee was gone.

“You need to take me home soon.” I warned, breaking the so precious calm.

He sighed and scratched his forehead. “Right…”

“Are you going to the funeral?” That was blunt, and the gawk I received in return was surprisingly amusing in a very scary way. “Just asking because… I kind of wanted to go too.”

His eyes were gleaming in a very bright grey. “Yes, Eren, you dipshit. I am going to the funeral and of course you’re coming too, assface. You knew them. Erd was fond of you.” There was no pain in his voice as he spoke so that turned out better than I expected it to.

“Was he?” I laughed.

“The way he assaulted you for the first time when you came out through our classroom’s door seemed to demonstrate how fond he was of you.”

“I have another idea about that but I guess I prefer yours.”

“You little shit.”

I looked down at the sand and then scrolled up until I saw a glimpse of the sea. The water would probably still be cold, but I couldn’t wait for warmer days to come. I loved the beach, I loved the sea, and I couldn’t wait to dive in those waters. Armin would certainly come along. He loved the sea as much as I did. After all, the ocean was once our passion when we were kids. Because his grandfather was all he had, he never went to the beach until I finally got my hands in a car and drove both of us to that exact same spot I was in that moment. I’d really been a shit to him lately and I wanted to compensate him. Actually, I’d been a shit to everyone, even myself. I needed to make up my mind about whatever I was starting to realize for the past two weeks.

“I can’t wait for summer…” I finally mumbled.

Levi’s eyes were on me the moment I talked. I wasn’t looking directly at him, but his stare was sharp enough to give me creepy chills.

“You like summer?” He asked.

“Yeah, don’t you?”

“I prefer winter.”

Smiling at that was almost automatic. I was proud of my deduction.

“Take that smile out of your face.” He told me as he looked somewhere else, not seeing me stick my tongue out at that and making a face.

We stayed in silence for another couple of minutes, Levi just breathing and me thinking about a lot of things. I was starting to reach a lot of conclusions. First of all, I was a little shit, like Levi had previously called me. Armin was my best friend and I’d been doing nothing but prove the contrary these past few weeks. Secondly, Jean was irritating and that wouldn’t change. No matter how happy he made Armin feel, there’s no way I’d ever accept him. Thirdly, my dad was another little shit and I really needed to take care of that soon enough. Going to his office every day after school was just his way to make me believe he had an eye on me when he actually didn’t. I would study, or pretend to study, for about an hour and then leave. How was that even a punishment? It was a punishment only because it was a boring hell. Fourthly, I would soon enough need to decide what to do with myself considering Levi. Trying to overlook the fact that I was attracted to him was almost impossible. I had no idea why, I was almost sure there were a lot of more sexy guys than him, but there I was, with a history of boners where two of them were because of that bastard. Then again, I had promised myself I would be a good kid and not let down my mother. I promised myself I would bury that stupid side of me who liked to think about other guys. But still, there I was considering another guy. If I felt attracted to him, yes. If I liked him, almost a certain yes. If things were running too fast, yes but life doesn’t slow down either. If I loved him? No, not yet. Too soon for that. And because things were as simple as a physical attraction and a certain admiration, I had no idea of what to do with myself.

“You make faces when you’re lost in thought.” Levi commented, snapping me out of my dream land. “You should see yourself in the mirror.”

I sighed. “I don’t need a mirror. I have you commenting on my bad aspects every second.”

He probably made a face, I don’t know because I wasn’t looking at him. But he did go dead silent after that

“Sorry.”

He snorted. “There we go again with the _sorry_ shit. Stop that. It’s like you’re apologizing for being born.”

Another moment of silence.

I was certainly stressing out but then he got up and started heading to the car.

“Come on, time to go. It’s Saturday and I need some sleep. And do some thinking with you not around. My brain tends to mess up thing because of your stupidity.”

“Wait…”

He didn’t hear me. “Come on, Eren. Your sister will kill you when you get home.”

“I said wait.”

Levi turned around and looked at me. “What.”

I was going to die inside if I didn’t sort things out. I hated being a mess, and my head was hurting making me hate everything even more. Everything just sounded so wrong in my head, but that could just be me. If it felt right then whatever, I’d go for it.

When I got up and started walking, Levi’s eyes looked questioning at me. I ignored him and his expressionless faces—that were only expressionless if you considered his dull eyes—and reached for his sweater, pulling him to me and mumbling another _sorry_ along the way.

My heart was beating so fast I almost felt like throwing up. I was really going for it because I was almost certain I was going to die if I didn’t try it. But, then, something stopped me and I was staring directly at Levi’s eyes, only a few inches away from him. Something he’d told me before was swirling around my head. Somewhat about something feeling wrong, so wrong, that it was worth trying. I was almost certain that wasn’t my problem; I wasn’t trying it because it felt wrong. I was trying it because it felt right but I thought it was wrong. Still, I couldn’t go any further than that, and everything was starting to become awkward.

It was just when I was about to explode into shame that I felt a hand in the back of my head pulling me down. I blinked, still trying to realize what was going on.

Suddenly, Levi’s lips were on mine and my thoughts were all thrown into the back of my head. In my mind, everything was happening at the same time, too much spinning to think accordingly. I could feel my body reacting on instinct, pulling him closer to me so I could kiss back. And shout out to the moon because that was my first kiss—besides the one Mikasa once gave me when we were kids but that one didn’t count because we were like five—and I had no idea of how it worked. I still kissed back nonetheless.

A kiss took another kiss and breath took another breath. I had no idea of what was going on, but I was slowly pushing Levi against what seemed to be his car and he had that lustful look all across his face. His eyes looked confused, though. But I wasn’t less confused when in the last kiss I felt him lick my lips as if asking for permission for whatever he had in mind. On instinct, I gaped my mouth and almost gave out a sharp breath when I felt his tongue on mine.

One of my hands was placed over his car’s window holding me from falling completely over him since both his hands kept pulling our bodies together.

There was a funny and yet familiar numb feeling under my stomach, and when our waists bumped together I found out exactly why. I wasn’t sure if what came out was a grunt or a moan, but was enough to stop any further ministrations.

Levi was looking at me and I couldn’t read his expression. His breathing was has heavy as mine but, unfortunately, I was in a worst state than he was.

“Did you just…” His voice was scratchy and he had no idea of how much that was turning out to be a sexy arousal to me. I really was fucked up. “Did you just go hard on me, brat?”

I frowned. “Is there a problem?” I really couldn’t come up with anything better to tell him.

He wide eyed me. “Not at all… But I am still trying to figure out what the hell is going on inside your head right now.”

I bit my lip, trying to pull back some of my conscience by the means of pain. He leaned his head to the side and raised a brow at me.

“It’s going to sound a bit rude once I say it out loud.” I warned him in a mumble.

“Not as rude as trying to kiss someone without a warning, you shit.”

I frowned again. “Don’t talk as if you didn’t enjoy that…” I wasn’t even sure of where all that confidence came from but I knew I was like that when I pushed my thoughts aside.

Levi’s lips curled just a bit into a grin. “Let’s not go there for now… So, tell me.”

I leaned my forehead on his because we were that close and I needed some support. I was glad he didn’t push me back. “Well, basically I had to sort out my thoughts.”

“Did that help?”

My eyes rolled from the lower ground to his eyes. I was surprised he wasn’t mad at me but at the same time glad he seemed to understand. “It did help.”

“Alright, then it’s all good.”

“You’re not mad?”

He almost laughed but then held himself back. Still, he gave me that pitiful look of his. “Not at all. But it’s still rude.”

On a closer look, there were a couple of things I was starting to take notice of. Despite having set such straight faces all the time and sometimes pulling out a rather rigid expression, Levi’s features were the only thing that made him look too fit. It was as if he had perfect lines describing his face but in reality he was very delicate looking. This was even easier to notice when his brows weren’t doing any kind of weird motion and were just there. Looking from that close, Levi wasn’t expressionless at all. Everything he needed to show was right there and whatever he didn’t show was because it was either not meant to know or not ready to be spoken yet.

I had no idea of what kind of expression I was wearing while studying him, but if it was matching any of my thoughts then it was probably a very uneasy one.

 

_(Levi)_

There was something about the mood that was suddenly off and I had no idea of what to say or even do. I could just sincerely admit I wasn’t expecting any of that, not really. I was fucking surprised when the kid was on me all of a sudden, and even more surprised by his apparent need of doing something. Eren is all talk but it seems he’s quite honest when he shuts the fuck up and acts on his instinct. Still, moving away when he was almost clamped to me didn’t sound quite right, but just staying like that was making _me_ probably as uneasy as him.

My brain hadn’t even processed the whole thing and I already had to deal with the fact that I was basically being devoured by two pretty eyes that seemed pretty addicting after staring at them for more than ten seconds straight.

Also, I had to admit that there was something about his _pretty-young-boy_ features that was pissing the hell out of me. How could someone have such a perfect sized nose? Enough of that.

“Alright, Eren…” He was almost startled when he heard me talk after so much time. I leaned my head away from his. “I should _really_ take you home…”

“What—oh—yeah… Yes, you should.” He seemed sort of lost and disappointed but he still stepped back, looking at everywhere but me.

I had a lot to consider, I had a lot to sleep and I was suddenly feeling self-conscious over a kid. I sighed and scratched the back of my neck before heading to my side’s door of the car.

If I liked that brat, yes. I really liked him, but he was still a pain in the ass. If he was something that attracted me, well, I had my doubts at first, but I wasn’t wrong when I said he was the rewarding type, and I had just seen a glimpse. So yes, I guess I was sort of considering the rest. He wasn’t that bad, he was actually better than he looked like. Love, though, that was something I wasn’t quite familiar with. I was almost certain he wasn’t either and that his imagination of a first kiss under the moonlight—or whatever kids dreamed about these days—was spoiled but what could I do about it? Still, I decided I’d consider if this was a good shot. And in that instant, everything seemed to point at a bright yellow _yes_.

It wasn’t as if Eren felt easy to keep. That wasn’t it, he just felt safe to be around because he was a lousy brat, full of love to give to whoever had his consent and wanted some attention. I guess I was in both requisites somehow and I didn’t want to let that go away and having him have me as a simple _wanna-go_ memory. I guess there’s nothing bad with wanting more, but it was still too early to assume I wanted more when I had nothing else to give back.

Already in the car, silence was something that suddenly made everything awkward. Even more awkward because Eren was being obstinate and kept biting his lips. What a shitty weird habit to have.

I reached for the radio. I almost never used it because I hated the radio lately and I mine didn’t read CDs, so that was a problem. Even so, anything to break the silence…?

My lucky guess took me directly to a station reporting a big accident in the suburbs—not worth listening to at that moment, so I changed stations. I noticed Eren almost give me an eating look when he heard what the lady was saying so I was glad I changed radio stations before he could say anything. And the next one was broadcasting _Ho Hey_ by The Lumineers. I could live with that one.

Before we left the beach, though, _Wake Me Up_ started. I exhaled sharply and grinned away from Eren, who started laughing low on his throat and ended up asking me to shut up when I laughed as well.

“In case you’re wondering, I won’t forget that.” I told him, still sort of laughing.

“I know you won’t. This song is history already, oh my god. You suck.”

“You still kissed me, though.”

Silence.

“And no, I won’t forget that one either.”

“Shit.” He laughed again. Probably because suddenly everything seemed funny and that was the beauty of this. It was definitely worth a try.

 

_(Eren)_

When he dropped me by my house, I wanted to say something smart. I wanted to tell him about what was going on inside my mind, but I couldn’t find the right words to do it. Still, I sort of hoped he’d understand. I knew he was smart and he was better at reading people than I was, so I hopped he’d get it and that he’d help me out because I would clearly need a push.

I simply said goodbye and he replied suit before just eyeing me while I closed the door. There were not tacky words or actions. It was that simple. We both knew it was still quite simple.

I stumbled to my door, almost missing a step or two because I was just not on earth, and was about to insert the key when the door cracked open and suddenly something huge was on me. I guessed it was Mikasa because I caught a glimpse of a something red along the way.

“Oh my god, Eren, you’re alright.”

It was almost impossible to breath. “Oh shit, Mikasa… You’re strangling me.”

She went quiet all of a sudden and then stepped back. There was a murderous aura around her and I was almost certain it would haunt me for the rest of the week, if not month, if not life. “You smell different.”

“What?”

“You smell different…” She pointed her nose up.

“What…? Did you sniff me or something?” I was suddenly smelling myself, expecting to sniff something bad as well but all I caught was my own scent and a gasp of Levi’s… _Oh! Oh… Shit._ Without losing any more time, I ignored Mikasa and rushed into the house, also ignoring Armin who was sitting on my sofa and gawking at me, and went up the stairs right into my room.

It hadn’t even passed ten seconds and Mikasa was knocking on my door. “Eren, get out. We need to talk.”

“I am tired. We’ll talk later.”

“Eren!”

“I said we’ll talk later!” I was shouting at the door and it made me feel sort of ridiculous so I just sat on my bed and started contemplating the memories I had from the whole night—and morning, mind you.

A few moments later, I heard more steps. Someone knocked, but softly. “Eren… can you unlock the door for me?” It was Armin.

Yes, I could, and I would. I seriously needed to tell him something or it would eat me, so I unlocked the door to let him in and locked it again in case Mikasa decided to barge in like she usually would.

Armin sat on my bed and gave me a questioning look as I turned around to look at him.

“What?” I prompted.

“That’s what I should be asking. Where have you been? You worried the hell out of Mikasa and me. So just start talking.”

Unlike with Levi, I didn’t have that tendency to apologize when near anyone else. Armin, despite being my best friend, was no exception. Still, he learned to understand when I wanted to say it but couldn’t. He probably caught the hint because he told me to sit next to him. I did. And I did tell him about everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. I could see his expressions change a lot, but he stayed quiet the whole time. When I finished, and I finished by telling him how I’ve been feeling all along, he just sighed and then gave me that warm look he always had when he was dead worried about me.

“Somehow, I always knew about that. Still, wow, why Levi?” He blinked. “I mean… He’s weird. It’s like he implies responsibility when you’re around him. Not that he’s not hot, even Jean said so. But like… You know…” He was talking with his hands. “Levi is… weird.”

I laughed, because he was funny. Armin always had that way of talking with his hands and being incredibly expressive about everything. Not to mention how at ease he manipulated me to feel good whenever I was stressed out.

“And don’t tell that to Mikasa, she’ll kill you and him and then me…”

“True. I mean, you know they talked at the party? She was a creeper, really. Sometimes I don’t understand her. There’s a limit to as far as you can go as a sister.” I paused and grinned. “An incredible overprotective sister. I mean, I am overprotective but she beats me.”

“Don’t even compare…” He laughed as well. “Ok… Tell me, though, how was it?”

“How was what?” I looked at him sort of lost.

He grinned. “The kiss, you idiot.”

I was suddenly shy and I bit my lip while scratching my head. “Oh…” Armin had never shared anything with me about his own experiences, probably because he knew of how I felt about Jean and the whole thing, so sharing mine seemed a bit weird. I needed an equivalent exchange. “It was—hey, I am not sharing anything if you don’t share back!” I pointed at him.

He raised an eyebrow. “You want me to share. “Then a grin. “You sure?”

“As long as you’re not too explicit… Like, don’t get too graphic.”

“Deal.” He laughed.

“Ok, so… it was weird, because it started very soft and then everything just went crazy.” I told him, hiding my face in my hands. “I don’t even know… And his face, oh god.”

Armin chuckled. “For someone who was straighter than a line yesterday, you do seem quite lost, my friend.”

“Shut up! You look incredibly calm! You should be mad at me…”

“Why would I be mad? I know you, Eren. You can’t really lie about anything.”

I’d heard that one before. “Oh, and… I guess it got all weird because I…” My eyes rolled down to my lap and I saw Armin gap his mouth.

“No you didn’t…”

“I did.”

“You didn’t! Oh my god… This is just… incredible!” His zeal was disturbing in a way but it made me laugh. “Oh my god, Eren…”

I waved at him. “Ok, ok… done with it. Your turn.”

Armin grinned at me and got closer to my ear. “I can tell you that my first kiss wasn’t as hot as yours. Add cheesy on it. But! I’ll surprise you by saying that I am a top… if you know what I mean.” He leaned back, almost too content with the terrified look plastered all over my face.

“What? No way…” I blinked.

“You’re saying I can’t top?” He laughed.

“No… I am just saying… Jean?! Ok. I knew he was—”

“Eren…” He warned. “Don’t go that way.”

I raised both my hands. “Ok.”

“Anyway… what are you going to do about that?”

Right, that was the only question I couldn’t answer properly because I had no idea of what I’d do. “I seriously don’t know. This is kind of sudden and I feel scared as shit about it. I just like him, that’s it. Ok, add weird physical chemistry to that…”

“Do you think it’s wise to step in?”

I laughed. “That’s the thing… I am afraid that once I step in that territory, I will fall quite hard.”

Armin pinched his own nose. “Well, I can see you’ve taken quite the damage already. Levi is sort of super effective on you… If we go by Pokémon standards.”

“Super effective? I guess even the first meeting was a critical hit. I remember he stared at me as if I was some sort of diva.”

“How conceited…” He punched my arm. “Anyway, for now just see how things go? And there’s also that about his friends. That’s kinda fucked up. I mean, I don’t know him that well, but anyone would be devastated.”

“Well, I’m kind of worried, actually… He has this tendency to take responsibility in a weird way.” I mumbled.

“Are you now?”

“Shut up, I’m serious…” And I was. I had a really bad feeling about it, and if there was something I trusted more than the world was my instincts. Still, I hoped he wouldn’t play much into that vicious cycle of feeling responsible for everything around him and that if he did, he’d let me in on that so I could help him out. And with that conclusion, I finally knew my life was an official mess. _Thank you, Levi, for making me feel like killing myself for the first time in my life._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, finally! Someone build me a monument and then kick the hell out of it for taking so long to post this chapter. It's just I've been so into my (new) other fick, Love Like Flowers, that I sort of priorized it over this one. Still, here it is, chapter 11. Probably the most tiny chapter in the history of chapters I've ever wrote. Still, it's a bridge chapter for some Ereri so I couldn't go on into it for longer... Gomen!
> 
> Please, do check [Love Like Flowers](../../1048522/chapters/2097077) , if you want. The story is completly different, but it's very lovely. There's a little less drama but it doesn't make it less ineteresting. There's more of a plot than this one had, for example, and better character development.  
> Anyway, please don't kill me, I promise this time I will try to keep the regular updates since I've finally caught up with this one as well. Thank you for your patience!
> 
> (Also, this chapter is not revised, so I apologize in advance for any sort of mistake. I might correct them later when I re-read it, thank you <3)

“What the fuck is this?” I grumbled as I stared down at the tiny red fish swimming around in that fucking bowl people called aquarium—or fish tank.

Hanji rolled above my sofa then and grinned at me. “That’s your new company. Your new friend…? I named it Bean, by the way.”

Gawking at her was necessary. “So you bought me a fish… as a pet… because you think I’m lonely all of a sudden…?”

She nodded and I almost felt like killing her for acknowledging the idea. When she knocked at my door that morning, I wasn’t expecting to be presented with a fish. I hardly had a good time taking care of plants, I even killed a fucking cactus once; how could I possibly keep that fish alive? There was no way that was going to happen…

“From all the shit you got me, this is the worst present ever.” I mumbled as I placed down the aquarium next to my book shelf. “Even more when you named it Bean.” I turned to her. “How can you give a fish the name Bean? That fucking sucks.”

“Well, I came to check on you. You know, just to see if you hadn’t hanged yourself in the middle of your living room.”

“Chances of that happening are higher when you’re around.” I moved to her side and waved so she’d take her feet from above my sofa. When she did, I sat down. “So, why are you here exactly, pieced walking crap?”

Hanji sat up and looked at me. For the times she could look totally unreadable, she was doing a fairly bad job this time. “I was wondering if I could tag along.”

I knew she was talking about the funerals. Even so, there was nothing I could do about it since the event would only happen in the next morning. “Pass by tomorrow at eight, then.”

She wide eyed me. “But tonight is the vigil, isn’t it? Aren’t you going?”

“Why the hell would I go? I don’t think staring at a bunch of dead bodies will do me any good.”

Hanji sighed. “They’re your friends, Levi.”

“That’s exactly why.” I alleged.

The underline was probably understood, because Hanji went quiet all of a sudden. We stayed like that for a while. A long while, actually. I was wondering how _wonderful_ my life was going when the sudden noise coming from the TV snapped me back. Hanji had turned it on; some channel I hated named 24kitchen. Who the hell had any sort of fucking interest in watching other people cook? If anything, they’d buy a book about it. Not watch TV.

Despite my annoyance, though, I didn’t say anything. I went along with her silence and she went along with mine in her own way. I knew she had showed up because she was worried and that the funeral was just an excuse. On the other hand, she knew I hated her over concern and that’s why she was playing it nice.

Maybe I was being too careless about the whole thing, but it was my way of coping with the whole situation. I knew I’d have problems with it later on, so I had to keep myself up for as long as I could until depression kicked in.

“What will you do for the rest of the day?” She asked after what seemed like half an hour.

I took a look around before replying. “Basically, nothing… I’m going out at night, though.”

Hanji turned her head to me so abruptly I almost thought it would swing out of her shoulders and fall off. “Out at night to do what?”

I just shrugged off her question and started pretending I was enjoying whatever was going on with that shitty show.

Out of boredom, we ended up watching a movie. Hanji and I had pretty much the same taste when it came down to any sort of arts—even though she was a lot more extravagant than I was—so we both enjoyed what AXN was offering that afternoon, _Stealth_. Sci-fi was probably the only subject in which we both agreed 100%, though.

Around 6pm, however, Hanji left, but not before trying to yank out of me some sort of answer.

“Where are you going later on?” She asked as she leaned on the doorframe.

I gave her a while to reconsider and just walk away, but she didn’t, so I let her have the moment. “I’m going to meet a friend…”

The half-hearted look I received in return was enough to make me push her away and close the door on her face when she turned back to complain.

Yes, I had planned to meet with Eren that night. There was no real reason behind it, he’d just asked me if it was possible for us to meet and I replied it was. I wasn’t really going to do anything better, so I could as much just hang around the kid I’d been growing so fond of for the past few weeks.

Once I found myself alone, though, time decided to play hard on me and pass by like a fucking snail. It’s hilarious how it flies by when you’re actually having fun, but when you’re just expecting for something nice to happen, everything passes by in slow motion, just as if your life isn’t inclined to let you have the moment so easily.

However, 8pm did arrive, and I was between the tasks of getting something in that stomach of mine and trying to reply to another annoying text Hanji had sent me about the rude way I treated her on the way out.

Of course I opted to leave the phone alone and concentrate in frying some eggs. That would have to do for the day.

Before leaving, I did brush my teeth. I’d been having an incredibly bad taste in my mouth since the previous day, when I decided smoking a cigar was a good idea. Of course, I ended up smoking the whole package, and of course I had to bang my head on a wall for it just to refrain myself from even consider being an addict again because of my life’s misfortune. Still, the bad taste was there, so yes, it was probably the fourth time I’d be washing my teeth that day. I still did anyway. And I also got myself a coat because it was a bristly cold night outside. Whatever happened to those warm days seemed like a lie.

At first I considered if driving was a good option, however, I ended up walking all the way to the place we were supposed to meet at. Obliviously, half of the way was made in the underground. Trost was incredibly big to walk from one side to the other in only half an hour.

I did get there on time. That stupid bar, where Hanji had taken me to not so long ago, was comfortably in the same place—as if it could even move, but who knows. Things in that part of town never really last for more than two months.

Eren was still nowhere to be found, though, so I got in and sat by the balcony.

My eyes soon caught two known faces behind the counter. One was Christa, Eren’s blond cute friend, who was quick to greet me and give a warm smile. The other, was Ymir, the one who actually came up to me and leaned in front of my figure, asking me what I’d like to get.

The bar was incredibly peaceful. It seemed Sundays were not busy days anymore.

“Piña colada, or however that is called…”

Ymir grinned and started to prepare my cocktail right in front of me. “So, I somehow forgot your name but I will still ask, what brings you here?”

I raised my eyes to her as I tapped some rhythm on the table with my finger. “Eren told me to meet him here.” There was no point in lying, I guessed.

Her grin turned into a smile. “Oh, I see. How are things with baby-doll faced Jäger, by the way?”

I blinked slowly, while my mind ignored the scene from Saturday. “They’re ok. How should they be?”

Finally, she placed a long cup in front of my eyes with my requested drink in it. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You tell me.”

I took the cup in my hand and shrugged as well. “What about you and Blondie?” I asked, avoiding her question with another question.

She looked surprised for a while, but once she saw where I was coming from she grinned. “Definitely one more step ahead of you.”

Well, I couldn’t argue about that one. Even though I had surprisingly poured my life into Eren, the brat, and we somehow managed to rush it just the day before, we still had a long way to go. Wherever Ymir and Blondie were, was too much for me to keep up with anyone at that moment, even Eren.

Said Eren, who got in a few moments later; followed by Armin and Jean… It was a weird setting so of course I raised an eyebrow at them when I saw them come in with faces of who is ready to engage in a robbery.

“Hey…” Eren sort of whispered once he was close enough. He exchanged a few looks with the other two as they passed by, but then returned his attention to me. He was notoriously self-conscious, but I tried not to make that a note to pick on him later on.

“Hi.” I replied, giving him a fair look before returning my attention to my drink.

Eren went around behind me and sat in front of the counter next to me. “Sorry for making you wait, Jean was being a dick, as usual… At some point I thought I’d have to use my feet to get here.”

I laughed deep in my throat. “Wouldn’t make you any different from me…”

“You walked here?”

“Yes, I did." I nodded. “So tell me… what sort of deepass shit did you get yourself in this time…?”

Eren gave me a puzzled look. “Huh?”

“Well, I guessed that was the reason you asked me to meet up.”

His brows almost joined together. He looked hurt. “No… No. I just wanted to see you.”

Oh, great. Now he was going all passionate on me. Well, it couldn’t be helped anyway, but I couldn’t hide my surprise, so I avoided eye contact and took a gulp of my drink.

“Well, actually… I might have something I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Do tell…” I mumbled.

There was a moment of silence while Eren probably calculated his words. Then, he spoke. “About yesterday—”

“Before you go on, let me clarify something.” I interrupted. When I looked over at him, he seemed terrified of whatever I had to say. I would have given him the benefit of doubt but I sort of wanted to see his expression change drastically, so I kept my poker face and went on. “I thought about it—for as much you and Hanji gave me the time to think about it—and I figured it out.” I wanted to smile at how terrified the kid looked, but I would have to keep the pressure on. “You don’t really have to worry about it. And I say worry as in feel responsible in any sort of way. It’s totally fine…” I paused just to let him have a moment.

After some brief consideration and some looks to the cup in front of me, Eren took a deep breath. “I’m worried about some sort of possible meaning, because—”

Again, I interrupted. “Because you don’t want to step in unless you think it’s worth it, and it’s already something that fucked up mind of yours considers wrong—even though you actually got a boner because of me, but I can overlook that—and you just want to be sure.”

By then, Ymir was giving us both a look while smiling as wide as the sun. I just stared at her for a while before looking back at Eren who had decided to turn into a red pepper. _As if he had any other choice_.

“Well, considering you already know everything… what do you have to say in your defense?” He asked, voice all shaky.

“Is this some fucking court room?” I asked, making a remark at the wording.

Eren just shrugged and looked away.

I sighed and leaned my chin on my arms I had crossed above the table. “How much have you told your blonde friend?”

“You mean Armin? Well, I told him enough.”

I nodded. That was only natural, I couldn’t expect less. Even so, now that I was facing the problem directly, it seemed a lot more complicated. Whatever I said would either compromise me or not, and at some point I was even wondering if I wanted to compromise myself. Still, the thought of stability and worthiness was stronger than the doubt, and I ended up agreeing with whatever chaos I was signing on. “It had a meaning…” I mumbled.

Eren blinked at me. “What had…?”

At that, my head dropped and I hit the table. “The kiss, you insufferable brat.”

“Oh…” When I looked at him by the corner of my eye, I couldn’t be gladder to have kept him in the dark for so long. There was a sudden ease in his face and I was almost certain he was trying to keep that stupid smile of his under all those other emotions he was showing at the same time. “I see…” I ended up saying, not even looking at me.

I could tell him that being happy about it wouldn’t hurt a fly, but maybe that wasn’t the place to do so. After all, having Ymir as a spectator was already awkward enough, I didn’t really need a fuss about something that wasn’t even a thing to start with.

We stayed in silence for a few more minutes until I had finished my drink. “How much do you understand about fishes?” I asked, finally turning my whole body to face Eren.

He woke up from his thoughts, somehow blushing. His expression was priceless and I almost wanted to kiss him again.

“Fishes, Eren. Those creatures that live in the water and sometimes people cage in fucking fish tanks, those things.”

“Oh… well, not much. I did have a fish, though… I think it lasted long enough.” He paused to think about it. “Why do you ask?”

“Well…” I sighed, throwing two fingers at my forehead to massage it. “Stupid Hanji gave me a fish and all. She named it, bought it food and all, but I don’t understand a shit about that…”

He blinked. “There’s not much to know, though… You just have to change their water from week to week or from two to two weeks, depending on the size of the tank. It’s a tiny aquarium we’re talking about, right?”

I stared him in the eyes. “Yes… and, please, do consider I can’t keep a fucking plant alive.”

Eren finally laughed. “Uh, that’s a serious issue, then.”

“It fucking is.”

“I might have to check it out.”

“Personally…?” I asked.

He blinked. “Personally.” He agreed.

I bit my upper lip while I tried to understand how it had suddenly turned out like that. If my line of thought wasn’t wrong, Eren had just invited himself into my house with the excuse to check on my fish. Or maybe, it wasn’t an excuse and I was just being too fucking cocky. “Alright…” I ended up saying as I searched through his eyes for some sort of intention he was purposely hiding. Of course, Eren would never be the type to be able to hide intentions so I quickly dropped it.

“What’s the fish’s name, by the way?” He asked.

I rolled my eyes as I said it. “Bean… She named it Bean.”

The way Eren almost chocked on his breath was natural, I couldn't agree less with his reaction. “Oh my god, Bean? Epic. Did you know she talks to her microscope, during classes?”

“I am not surprised…” I nodded.

Surprisingly, I was finding out my mood was lifting. Ever since the moment I’d gotten home, I’d been in a state of total numbness towards the whole world. Even when Hanji was around, I could only keep that level throughout a conversation. Anything which involved some sort of feelings approach would be avoided. Eren was doing the job, in his own way, and I didn’t know if I wanted to thank him for that or stop and consider why.

I opted to do none of the above and just concentrated on the moment. “So, tell me. How come you ended up in the same car as that horse face?” I asked, actually curious about it.

Eren rolled his eyes and I grinned. “Well…” He started. “I told Armin I was thinking of going out… to meet with you. And he said he and Jean were also thinking of hanging around. Then, when I told him I was planning on coming here, he said so was he and then he ended up almost pulling me into Jean’s car…”

“Almost?”

“Almost, because  then Jean and I started fighting and took us almost an hour to calm down.”

I whistled just to be dramatic. “I’m amazed such thing happened. Who did you kill in the process?” I mocked.

“No one…” Eren chuckled.

There was a brief moment in which we just kept staring at each other. He was probably considering a lot of stuff, just like I was.

“So… About that fish of mine… Are you done hanging out or what…?” I asked.

Eren took a peek at Armin—considering he wouldn’t really look at Jean unless it was extremely necessary—and then looked back at me. “We’ll have to walk… And I’m pretty much on my own after that.”

“Oh…” I blinked at him. “I was sort of supposing you’d stay, considering there’s the funeral tomorrow in the morning…” Maybe I was being naïve to think he’d agree.

Of course, Eren’s face went somehow beyond red. I was starting to doubt that was humanly possible. “Me… staying the night at your place?”

I grinned at him and raised both my hands. “Fish-y matters. Plus, it’s not like I’m going to jump on you all of a sudden, unless…” I trailed off.

“Unless?” He looked expectant and it was actually amusing.

“Unless you ask me to.”

“Fuck you.” He mumbled before he got up and turned around in Armin’s direction.

I took the chance to pay Ymir for my drink. She kept giving me a few looks with that shit-eating grin all over her face, but I ignored her and waited for Eren, who, as he passed by, took my hand and walked me out of there.

He had his jacket all zipped up and I had to throw in some remarks about how it was normal of him to be cold when he was just wearing a t-shirt and some jacket above it. He just ignored me and shoved both his hands in his pockets as he let me lead the way.

“By the way… I should warn you that, since you’re staying over, you’ll have to shower before you sleep. I don’t want any sort of germs flying around the atmosphere of my house.”

Eren gave me a puzzled look. “What the hell are you talking about?”

I shrugged. “I will still throw you in there if you don’t go on your own.”

“I showered before showing up. I don’t need another shower.”

I turned around and started walking backwards while facing him. “Oh…” I grinned. “You showered for me? How cute. Should I explore that?” I considered, grinning even more when I saw him pout.

“You said you wouldn’t…”

“I didn’t promise, though.”

And well, the suggestion wasn’t that bad. Still, I certainly wasn’t expecting to do anything in particular. Somehow, I just wanted an excuse to have him around for a longer period of time. Whatever came, would come.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, well. This is just porn. Some cute stuff, but porn. Not real sex-sexy porn, but some b.j. time. Idk about you guys, but I agree with Levi on this one. Foreplay sometimes can be even better than sex if it's done the right way.
> 
> And Eren is a dork, for now. But he will get better. I can assure you that.
> 
> (Fuck proofreading once again.)

There are thousands of ways to start a something. It can grow gradually, and suddenly you realize it is indeed a thing. Or it can start abruptly and still become a thing later on. From these two options, diverge thousand more. And each one of them is intrinsically mysterious and amusing in its own way.

Eren and I probably fit somewhere between the lines of the second one. I had no idea what happened, I just knew it was happening. There wasn’t a warning; there wasn’t a prediction of any sorts. For some reason, I could read him better than I could read other people. For some reason, he reacted to me in a way other people wouldn’t. And comparing sucks, but it’s a condition. We can only say it is genuinely good when we try something for the first time. And since that happens when we’re kids, we don’t really have an exact memory of it. Still, good or bad is only good or bad when compared to something we’ve experienced before. So comparing is natural, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it for as long as there’s no bitching.

And for me there was no bitching. At least not out loud, because in my head things were completely different. Eren was a piss off. Eren was amusingly annoying. Eren was surprisingly cute. Eren was a caring person. Eren kissed alright. Eren had enough will power. Eren was a symbol of hope because Eren made me feel hopeful. And so, Eren was on my mind ever since I realized it.

When had I…? When had I realized it? Just a few seconds before this line of thought had started. In the exact moment he had entered my house. Because no one except perhaps for Hanji and Erwin, on really rare occasions, went in there… He was the first not to force me to open the door, and that was a real thing to me.

That stupid kid had what I didn’t have, and maybe that’s what kept me into it. Even more addicting was the fact that I was right. I was right about the kind of package he was. The more one tried to find him, the more amazing he turned out to be. I loved being right, and being right about something like that made it all even more appealing.

The conversation didn’t die. Even though Eren kept absorbing his surroundings with those big pretty orbs of his, he tried to keep the conversation going. He didn’t mention how everything was so tidy and clean. How it seemed no one really lived in there. He didn’t mention any of that and kept going on about his classes and his classmates, until he was finally done looking around and said “This is definitely your place…”

“What?”

He motioned his hand around with half a smile without looking at me. “This is pretty much you. I’m not surprised.”

“I suppose you’re not being judgmental…”

“No, I am not.” And that was when the awkwardness installed itself on his face and he just stood in the middle of the place, not really knowing what to do. “So, your fish…” He threw in when he caught me staring.

My eyes rolled to the tiny tank above the shelf. “My fish…”

“Wow, it’s actually tiny… It’s a gold fish…” He said as he got closer, poking the glass with his finger. “A black gold fish…” He snickered. “I won’t even comment…”

I glared. “Please, don’t. I know what you’re thinking.” He wasn’t that hard to read. Following his logic, next thing he’d be saying it was the perfect present for me.

There was a moment, a clear moment, when he was thinking and I was just staring. Of course I ended up shrugging it off and just threw myself on the sofa, sinking in it like some lazy honey I was pretending to be—correction, not pretending, I was actually finding it hard to stand up.

“What’s in your mind?” I asked.

Eren bumped his finger against the glass one more time and then turned around, eyes cast down and a flushed expression. “I’ve been thinking…”

“Oh god…”

He glared. “Just shut up and listen.” I raised an eyebrow at him but he ignored me. “I’ve been thinking… Ok, I was thinking… I need—I mean, what I’m trying to say is… I need—”

“You need to sort your thoughts out.” I completed with close to no emotion showing on my face when he looked at me. “Sorry, go on.”

In less than a second later, his hands were covering his face and he was groaning. I tried not to find that sexy. “I need a break…”

“I see…”

“No, you don’t.” He composed himself and looked at me. “Let’s talk.” And then he sat down next to me as frustrated as he could be. “We need to talk. Seriously talk.”

What a drastic change. “Alright…” I said, frowning at him, trying to ignore my preconscious depressive side that kept throwing in negative thoughts. “What do we need to talk about?”

Eren took a deep breath and then looked at me. “What’s your favorite color?”

I pokerfaced him. “What.”

“What’s your favorite color?” He repeated, will not leaving his gaze.

Well, I didn’t have a favorite color. But if I suddenly had to think about one then that would be—“The color of your eyes. Whatever that is…”

He blushed but didn’t look away. “So the fish…” A pause. “Hanji gave it to you, right?” I nodded. “What’s your relationship with Hanji?”

It took me a while to realize what he was getting at. But once I did, it seemed pretty simple. He wanted to know things, things about me. It made me happy, more than I’d want to admit to. “She’s my best friend, between what’s possible to befriend… It’s Hanji, after all.”

He smiled. “She’s weird.”

“She is…”

“But the fact someone like her is your best friend does tell me a lot about you.”

So now he was reading me? I had no idea he was even capable of reading himself so I would never guess he’d even try me. “What does it tell you?”

“That you’re a nice person.”

I looked at him, this time, seriously looking. Was I a nice person? Not really, I didn’t believe that. Much less did I brag about it. I knew I cared for those I cared, and sometimes found myself helping them out. But that didn’t make me a nice person. The whole concept of nice was overrated anyway. I wasn’t one to keep up with anyone unless they wanted to keep up with me.

“Does committing a crime make me a good person?” I asked as my lips curled up just the tiny bit. “Because most people wouldn’t think so...”

“What crime are you talking about?”

I pointed at him. “You’re a crime. In case you haven’t noticed, legally… I can’t really touch you. Not with the intensions I have swirling in my head.”

Eren took his time to digest what I had told him and then proceeded to look away. “I really want to talk, though.”

“I don’t like talking. I’d rather hear you.”

“But I want to know about you.”

And much goes for my self-restrain. “My name is Levi, and fuck last names because I don’t really care. I forgot about how old I am because I don’t count my birthdays anymore, but I can tell you I’m old enough to be charged with anything. I’m taking Law at Trost’s Law University—wow, give a guess—and I fucking hate it, but I’ll fucking be done with it in some months. I don’t know what to do after college, to be honest. I have a fucked up life and I really don’t know if I want you to know everything about it, but I could tell you someday. Four of the people I cared about the most are gone, but I am alright about it. And if you must know the reason, then that’s because… That’s because even though I’m not hopeful, there’s a shitty brat being hopeful in my stead. I also care about that shitty brat more than I thought I ever would. And—”

“I care about you too.” He interrupted me. “Don’t ask me why, though. I just started caring for some reason…”

Yes, and that was turning to be a really mellow conversation. So even though I had told him things wouldn’t go down in any different way, I had to take into consideration things would always go down the way they should.

So, of course, I leaned in and kissed him. This time taking my time to study his reaction and catch how his eyes widened in surprise and then fluttered until they were locked on mine. It wasn’t something sloppy, it wasn’t something needy like last time. It was something else, something I seriously had never experienced since softness wasn’t on my list. But it was good, whatever it was, and it was needed in order to shut up that complacent side of mine.

I felt his hands clutch my clothes, and took the cue to pin him down. Making-out on the sofa was another thing I had never really tried before, so I made a mental note to mention that later as the fucking tease I was.

When I finally gave him the space to mention whatever he was thinking about, I almost felt my insides curl up. Because if I had never mentioned Eren was cute—or wait, I think I had—that was the time to do so. His brows were furrowed so much he looked in pain, but then he was blushing, his eyes were gleaming and his lips were glowing. And fuck my life all over that kid.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea…” He deadpanned, covering his face with his arms.

I glared at him. “And why would you think so…?”

“Because you’ve done this before and I haven’t. Because I am not one bit experienced in anything and because… what if you don’t like it? What if… I don’t know. What if I am disgusting? I am not even suggestive to begin with…”

Ah, the fear of not being good enough. I was familiar with that one. I guessed, then, that maybe we were alike on that matter. And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe that’s why it worked.

“Eren…”

He didn’t move. So instead of trying to be a pacifier, I simply went for the best option: prove him directly how wrong he was about that.

Or, on a better light, I could do that and show him he wasn’t the only one.

I kept my eyes on him as my hand moved down to the ends of his shirt. I guess he was quick to grasp my intentions because he rose on his elbows with the most incredulous face ever once my hand stopped at his crotch.

His lips gapped and I expected him to say something stupid, but he didn’t. He was trying, obviously, but his words weren’t making their way out.

I pressed my hand against the fabric of his jeans and started moving it in tiny little circles, without taking my eyes out of him. Eren started blinking more and more by the second, brows lining up more and more as the pink on his cheeks started to get more notorious. And well, I could feel him growing harder on me.

With my other hand, I pulled his shirt up just slightly enough and then placed my chin right above his skin as I kept pulling it up. For someone who was so scared about not being good enough, he did have some remarkable curves. His abdominals were natural, not too developed but well enough for my eyes and libido.

He was behaving, he wasn’t talking as I had expected him to, so I gave him a reward—not really rewarding but more of a tease—and licked his body, from the beginning of his pants up to his navel. At that, he shuddered, and I knew I had already won.

I shifted above him, forcing him to lean back down as I got closer. And even though I made it seem as if I was going to kiss him, I didn’t. I went directly for his neck and bit his skin, continuing to lick him right after. He gasped, and I repeated the same thing again at the ends of his neck, where his shirt allowed me to keep touching his skin. Then, before I got back down, I pecked his lips, getting a hand behind my head as I did so. He was pushing me to him and he was strong.

I loved strong. The word just had enough connotations to be applied to everything.

This time, the kiss was messy. And I could tell how much Eren liked it; he was the one leading at that one, after all. But he had to let me go, so I pressed my hand harder against his crotch. When he finally faltered, I crawled back down, placing a few kisses down his stomach.

Eren was hard, and I was fucking proud to be the cause of it, proud enough to keep teasing.

Even though I unzipped his jeans and unbuttoned them, I didn’t take them off. Instead, I opened my mouth around the bulge in his pants and brushed my teeth on it softly.

“Shit.” Eren gasped, hands trying to grab anything close by. That was exactly what I wanted.

My fingers went for his jeans and boxers and I pulled them down just enough to give me the space I needed. His cock was soon proudly showing up, and I almost wanted to laugh at how he seemed like he just wanted to hide somewhere.

I didn’t wait any longer, and gently held the base of his shaft in my hand and then used my tongue to slowly lick it from the base right to the tip before opening my mouth around it and sucking at it.

Not that I had given many blow jobs before, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that I wanted to show him how good he was and, at the same time, that even someone like me needed enough reassurance.

Keeping his dick in your mouth while using my tongue to twirl and swirl around it, massaging it as I did, seemed to throw him over the edge. Eren’s breathing was heavy, his hand was already above my head, forcing it down and setting a pace, as he tried his best not to move his hips. I used my tongue to focus on just the head of his penis and then gave him a suck at the time. His hand clutched around my hair when I did it again.

By then, he was only breathing through his mouth, and it was all music to my ears. “Do you like that?” I asked, not stopping from moving my hand around him.

Eren had his eyes craved somewhere in the ceiling. He didn’t reply, only frowning a bit in response. Only when I licked the whole shaft again before sucking once more at the head, I got a retort. “Yeah, that’s fucking good…” He gasped after shutting his eyes closed.

Call me retarded but, in my eyes, foreplay was always what I loved the most. Actually, if everything was well done, it could be even better than sex. But alright, that wasn’t what we were actually there for, and I could explore every inch of him if I could get him to get back for it once more.

Finally, I took his cock in my mouth and started sucking at it with as much vigor as I could. It had been a while since I’d ever done something like that, so I took my time to get used to the touch of feeling my mouth full. It wasn’t a bad sensation. The scent, I had long forgotten how it could drive me crazy at some point. And it wasn’t just anybody’s scent. It was _his_ scent, the one my mind kept going on about for a while. And just the thought of it made me salivate even more, making it all slopping and warm.

Eren was doing his best not to thrust into my mouth, and I really appreciated that. Even so, it was obvious how he wanted it. He wanted to be swollen as a whole. I could tell that by the way he squirmed whenever I stopped midway. Not that he was too big, but he wasn’t too small either. Actually, in a way, he gave me more chances to try different things, which was perfect.

Lastly, I was ready to do what I wanted. I kept sucking him, only changing the routine by licking the tip once in every two or three sucks and, finally, when he less expected it, I went for it all the way. I flattened my hand at the base and went down his member until I felt it touch the back of my throat.

Obviously, the first reaction was the only natural outcome of things. But I countered it by swallowing, ignoring how my eyes suddenly got teary. By then, Eren moaned. It was the first loud sound he had the courage to do and I was glad. I pulled back, sucking every inch of it until the very top, took a breath, and went for it once more.

I was actually energized by the fact that I hadn’t felt someone that way in years. Not many years, but there goes comparison kicking in. Eren reacted differently, way more freely than I had expected him too, for someone getting his first blow job. I was actually enthusiastic about it, and I made sure each suck had enough energy.

I did it again, and again. The result was gaining a few moans in return with the words “shit” and “Levi” somehow melded in between them. It wasn’t a bad combination at all. I thought about going for his balls, but I saved that one for another time, because if I played my cars right, there would be another time. And wow, I wanted a lot of _another times_.

By the third time I sucked him all up, I took the chance to tease him, using my teeth to brush against his cock on the way up. At that, he curled his abs, rising to take a full hand of my hair and groan some “fuck” at me. I didn’t mind that at all, if it wasn’t for the fact I was the one growing hard at that moment.

“If you do that again I might—” I didn’t let him finished and did _that_ again. And again. And again. “Ah—shit… I’m…” Close. He was close. Good.

I sped up my movements around him, using my hand to help on the friction. His breath got itchy and he warned me he was going to finish. At that, I slowed down, making sure I wasn’t applying much pressure on him, and made all my movements with my tongue, mouth and hand much softer.

Eren surged against my mouth with an ardent moan and I was almost certain, if it wasn’t for the fact I had to close my eyes out of reflex once I felt him drown his cock in my throat, he was greeting his teeth. “Ah—God…” I was no god, but I was ok with that. I sucked on him as he came, swallowing, focused on giving him something to remember, and something to return for.

He released his grip around my hair, allowing me to finally move my head freely. He was still hard and tender when I pulled my mouth off, but he had no more to give me. I had made sure he didn’t.

When I looked over at him, cleaning my mouth with my fist, he was resting back, regaining his so long lost pace and had his face covered with his arms. I gave him a look. His knees were shaking. How cute. So he was that type?

I leaned in, taking his arms away from his face. He was blushing. He was perfect. Perfect enough to make my heart to that annoying flip flop. I was lucky, I was fucking lucky, and I was glad I had found him before anyone else tried. He had a lot to give and a lot to receive from me. And I really hoped I hadn’t scared him off.

“Do you feel good?” I asked. There was one of the things I wanted him to know: even I needed reassurance.

He nodded at me weakly, lips trembling a bit as he did.

“Good.” I said. “Let’s leave it here then.” I was going to hurl out of there when I felt him grab my arm. I looked at him.

“What about you…?” He asked, weakly.

That was the chance for him to know the other shit I wanted him to know: he was good enough, maybe more than good enough. “If we go on about me, I might end up fucking the shit out of you.” I said. “You’re turning to be really addicting…” And that was enough. It was enough for that moment.

He let me got and I did go. I went to the bathroom. I washed my hands, my face and my mouth. I tried to shrug my erection off, but it was hard. It was hard because erections are just like that. Sometimes they like to stick around, and every move you do is a turn on, every memory your libido throws at you is a turn on. Still, that would have to wait for another time. Could I hold on? Well, I thought I could. But just be sure, I ended up washing my face with cold water more three times.

Once I got out, Eren was leaning against the wall. I guessed he wanted to use the bathroom so I gave him space to get in without saying anything. I guessed he really didn’t want to talk; he wasn’t even looking at me. I tried not to mind it and just went back to run my eyes through the sofa in search of something that wasn’t supposed to be there. Luckily, it was clean. I went to get some water in the kitchen and then went back to the sofa.

I sat down and waited. Eren showed up a few minutes after with the exact same blank expression he had when he entered the bathroom. For someone who was always feeling something, seeing him like that was a bit worrying. Still, I tried not to make a big deal out of it.

It wasn’t until I had made the mistake of taking the glass to my mouth that he spoke.

“Did you do this with Erwin too?”

I chocked on the water. “What.” It wasn’t a question and I was seriously coughing.

He frowned. “I just want to know.” And why would he want to know something that might only hurt him? He was fucking stupid.

“I did.”

And there was it was: the comparison. It was the only judgment I didn’t want him to make. And seriously, I actually expected he wouldn’t, because he never really showed much interest. But now he was asking me about it, and I couldn’t lie. I also couldn’t fuck it up, because his interest was my cue to something else. His interest showed he cared. And if he cared about it like that, then he cared about how he looked in my eyes. That was important.

“Did you do that to someone else…?” He inquired.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Who?”

“You don’t know them…”

“ _Them_?” Oh, fuck it.

“Yes, them.” I looked at him by the corner of my eyes. “Does that change anything?”

And fucking son of a—whatever. He was actually thinking about it. He frowned and thought about it. It should have been a one-way-fucking-fast answer, but he was taking his time.

“It does.” Oh, alright. “It does because it makes me realize a lot of stuff.”

“Like what?” I asked, not knowing if I really wanted to know.

He looked at me. “Like… it’s a slap for me to wake up and make the effort.”

“You already make the effort…” I assured him.

“I know, but I actually want to make the effort. This might sound lame and naïve, but I want to be better than anyone else… it’s not a thing… it’s just, I don’t want you to…” Oh, I got it. But he sucked at words. “You know… it’s—how should I put it…”

“I get you. And I should tell you that’s fucking gorgeous.”

He chuckled. “Is it…?”

I extended him my hand. “Hey, come here.” I had no idea what time it was, but there was a fucking funeral in the morning, and if that little shit was going to attend to it with me, then we’d do it the right way.

Eren gave me a selfless look, but still grabbed my hand. I pulled him to me, asking him to pass me the pillow by his feet and throwing it behind my head once he did. I rested my head back, with Eren above me. I wasn’t going to need a blanket anyway.

“Are you comfortable like this?” I asked as I tried to reach for the remote.

“I can hear your heartbeat.” He countered. “This is pretty cheesy.”

I sighed. “I just sucked your dick, giving me a fucking break, brat.” He didn’t reply. “Oh, look. Some shitty movie.”

“I’m gonna fall asleep, though.” He mumbled.

“I know, that’s the point.”

“And you didn’t give food to your fish…” He mocked.

I paused. “Oh, right. Well, it gets double in the morning. I suppose it can survive.”

With all that shit, I ended up forgetting about why Eren was even really there. It all started because of the fucking fish. I owed a big thanks to that tiny shitty creature. Maybe I would get it some plant or whatever fish like. I could take Eren, or I could just take Hanji. It was something to think about. But I would have to think about it some other time.

Maybe it was the warmth of being near someone else after so long. Maybe it was the peace I was feeling for a change. Or maybe it was just fucking late. All I know is that my eyelids were suddenly heavy as fuck, and I wanted to sleep as well.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff, FF13 has been taking too much of my free time. I end up writing a paragraph per week sometimes.  
> Anyway, as you have probably already seen, this fic already has a planned ending. I didn't know where I was going with this at some point since I had more than one possible ending to it, but after some pondering I got to a conlusion.  
> This is a tiny chapter, I didn't want to dwel much on the funeral itself since funerals are not really Levi's thing. When someone dies, they're dead. He suffers the first impact but then something else kicks in, and that's his sense of responsibility. Anyway, this will be the main issue from now on: will he go or will he stay?
> 
> And nope, they're not dating yet.
> 
> PS: I ignored proofreading again so, please, be kind (?)
> 
> Also, I started a new fic, to follow up once this one is finished, called [Odi Et Amo](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1353415/). I also have my [tumblr](http://rivaillin.tumblr.com/) account available if you want to ask something.

Think about _it_ when _it_ is happening; that had been one of my mottos for a long time. Unfortunately for me, things were about to get complicated. When I woke up that morning, Eren was still somewhere in his second stage of drowsiness. I left him resting on the sofa and went to take shower. Before breakfast, however, I had the ill-fated idea of checking my mail box.

It’s funny how these things tend to happen when everything seems to be tracking on.

Between some publicity and payment letters, there was one with a very peculiar seal. It was all too familiar, in a way, and I wanted to believe my guessing about its content was wrong. This sudden uncertainty started spreading all over me and I had to take a seat while I opened the piece of paper.

My guessing was right.

As I was reading the content of the letter, I could feel a huge hole growing inside. I knew why it was happening. It was all a big bunch of mixed feelings, and I was having a hard time dealing with them all at once.

I had been selected, between a few others, to attend to an interview for a firm in the city of Sina. And my first thought would have been to grab my bags and get the fuck going, but there was something else holding me back—someone else, to be more precise.

The pending factors were all against Eren, though. Letting someone else get between me and my future was not my style. And then, there was the guilty issue regarding what had happened to my friends. I owed them something, perhaps the future they couldn’t have anymore.

With a small glance at my phone, just to check the time, I ended up dropping the paper somewhere. I wasn’t done with my exams just yet, so I still had time to let the whole thing sink in. Meanwhile, I had a brat to take care of and a shitty funeral to attend to.

It was with great relentless effort that I got Eren in the shower. I told him I didn’t want dirty skin rubbing against my clothes and he just flushed and rushed to slam the door on my face. For as cute as he could be, however, I knew there was something different about him that morning. Maybe I was the one with a problem, as usual, or maybe I was right. It wasn’t a bad thing; he just seemed one tiny bit more confident about his own presence around me. Annoying but still amusing, just like Eren himself.

I lent him some clothes of mine, some Hanji had gotten for my last birthday but that were, in fact, too big for me. Even after ages together she still didn’t know my size. They did fit Eren well enough—and blind me. Whatever I had said before about him being simple and not really appealing at first sight?—fuck that. I would have to put a leash on him if he got to walk around dressed like that more often (amazing, the effect clothes have on people).

“You should dress like that more often.” I told him, eyeing him above my journal.

Eren bubbled something in his coffee and then, probably realizing I couldn’t understand a shit about what he’d said, he pulled the mug away. “I don’t like shopping that much, so I just do it in a rush…”

“Armin dresses good…”

He sneered. “Yeah, well, Jean dresses good so Armin can’t fall behind.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. The annoyance in his voice was obvious. “Is that _you_ talking or _Armin_ talking?”

He eyed me for a while, probably trying to find out some sort of innuendo in my phrasing, but then he dropped his stare and started poking his mug. “Well… for as much as this hurts to admit… Jean dresses ok.” He was quick to counter his own argument, though. “He’s rich, so he can just get whatever he wants.”

“I sense jealously in the air.” I knew I had hit a nerve—his nerve—by saying that, but he still didn’t dare to rise to my taunt. I had a feeling it wouldn’t take him long to start doing so, and then we’d probably have a fight. The idea was all too amusing in my head. I couldn’t imagine my fights with him to be about anything serious unless it was _that_. How could I tell him about _that_? “Hurry up and finish your breakfast,” I said as I folded the journal and started getting up, “we need to get going soon.”

On the way to the car, I asked him about Mikasa. I always figured Eren had this lack of responsibility to her, even if she was way too overprotective—making that the real reason behind his deficiency in responsibility matters—and annoying. He just told me he had texted her about it and that she had texted back a bible. Not surprising, to be honest, but I still laughed.

“I am burning alive the person who predicted today’s weather…” I grumbled as I got in the car.

Eren just chuckled. “Yeah, I always figured funerals were better in rainy days. To match the mood, you know?”

I shook my head. The sun was going to give me a headache. “I can’t help but agree… Still, I think that’s some movie thing, you know…?”

He gave it a thought and then nodded. “Yeah, now that you mention it…” A pause. “How are you, by the way,” I didn’t reply and just looked at him, so he went on, “about this whole thing…?”

In reality, I hadn’t given myself the time to think about it. Grieving time was over for me, but I knew that wasn’t my problem. My problem was my stupid sense of responsibility towards other people, towards them, in this case.

“How are _you_?” I asked back.

Eren blinked. “I am… ok?”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

I shrugged. “You were the one to baby-cry out of nowhere last Friday.”

“Wha-what? No! I was just—”

“Just…?”

He was already fuming when he looked away from me. “I was just sensitive. Yeah. That’s all. People have their days, you know?”

_Oh, yes. I do know._

I took the key to the ignition and shrugged again. “Sensitive, you say… You are quite sensitive indeed. Should I tell you about the tip of your pe—what the hell are you doing…?”

“Covering my head and ears so I don’t have to hear you talk nonsense.”

Actually, he seemed to be ready to detonate a grenade, but I wasn’t going to throw any remarks about that. My eyes were rather curious about how the white shirt was defining his back.

“Yeah, you should dress like that more often.” I thought out loud.

Eren threw me a glance by the corner of his eye from between his folded arms. “You sound desperate.”

“Sorry for wanting you to actually look good.” I shot back.

The graveyard wasn’t that far away. It was on a hill close to where Hanji used to live—before she had to change because her neighbors were _allergic_ to her.

Eren didn’t say anything else during the whole way. I just complained at the morning traffic and avoided getting too irritated by taking a little detour somewhere.

I threw the car in the parking lot and went for the first free space I could fit it in. I spotted Hanji’s car, and was quick to look around, without making a fuss, trying to find Erwin’s car. Still, I didn’t find it, so it was all for the best. If he ever found out about Eren, it could get awkward. Not that Erwin was the vengeful kind, but he liked to tease when not pleased with the idea. And then, Eren was Eren. Not a good match there, not a good match at all. Those two should _never_ cross paths. _Never!_

I spotted Mike’s car a few meters ahead and guessed Nanaba would be around. For as much as I hated introductions, I would still need some—out of courtesy. Mostly, I would just skip half of them, if not more.

“They were in the morgue during the weekend, weren’t they?” Eren asked out of nowhere.

I stared at my excuse of a pseudo-boyfriend. “Of course, where else would they be?” I turned off the engine. Everything was suddenly way too quiet.

“You didn’t go there, right?”

“No, I didn’t.”

He started poking the window and smiled small. “I don’t really know how that is, to be honest. I remember I didn’t get to see mom after… you know.” He was looking at me now with a totally different expression. “I am curious, though. Is it weird? I always figured it would be way too sullen for my likes.”

I blinked, “Well,” and leaned back on my seat, “I don’t know. But from what I remember from when I was younger, it was really upsetting. In my town there were these ladies who would always go visit the deceased ones and cry non-stop for hours, even though they didn’t even knew them. Some would even shout… Old creepy stuff, I suppose.” I looked at him and he regarded me with a disturbed expression.

“That’s not pleasant.”

I shrugged. “Not really, no.”

However, _those_ moments were. There was a lot I still didn’t know, just like there was a lot he didn’t know. And when I wasn’t thinking about what _should_ be done, I just wanted to have the time to find them out, without rushing anything. But then again, he was just a teenager, he’d probably change his mind and I would be left regretting it all.

Eren moved forward so abruptly, I was startled by being snapped out of my thoughts so suddenly. “Is that Hanji?!”

I followed his gaze and almost felt my eyeballs pop out of their holes at the sight. “Yes… that’s Hanji…” She was wearing some really awkward Goth dress. It fit her, but anyone would be embarrassed to be standing by her side in a funeral if she was dressing like that. “I remember she said she’d wear that to my wedding once…”

“Oh god, I feel sorry for you future wife.”

“Husband.” I quickly corrected.

He blinked at me. “Huh?”

I threw a pointy finger of mine at my face without even daring to look at him. “Gay.” And then, I hauled myself out of the car, having Eren to follow suit.

“So you wanna marry some guy?” He mumbled, almost muffled by the sound of the door closing. “I seriously can’t imagine you like that.”

“To be honest, I can’t either. So unless you’re open to the subject, I’ll probably never get into it.” The idea was to get a reaction, any reaction, to help me sort out my thoughts. And well, it certainly did it.

Eren went around the car and only talked once he was standing right next to me. “Did you just say you want to marry me?”

“Are you denying me?”

“No!” He shouted, quickly flinching at the sound of his own voice. “No,” he said lower, “but we’re not even dating. I’m supposing there’s a certain cycle you need to follow.”

_Dating, uh? Right, another thing to think about._

There were a lot of people around. I didn’t really want to get in between the crowd, so I just walked around, trying to avoid Hanji at the same time. Eren was following me, and we would have succeeded in staying hidden, but Hanji had a very keen eye and she was quick to spot Eren’s head and rush to him.

The perks about being small were often my luck.

I was mumbling something like “just keep walking” when the sudden outburst of Eren’s name echoed through the place.

“Eren! My dear student—oh, my god, you’re gorgeous!” She sniffed Eren around and then stopped to look at me. “Wait. You’re…”

“Hi.”

“Professor Hanji,” Eren laughed nervously, “could you, please, let me go…?”

Hanji gave a few looks between the two of us. “Ahm, what’s going on in here? You came together?”

“Eren spent the night at my pla—”

“Oh!” She clapped her hands together. “You were at Levi’s? Did you see his telescope?”

We were 100% synchronized when we choked, though I just ended up face palming while Eren proceeded to freak out in his own little world. Hanji kept going with her monologue until Eren was finally free from the strong hold.

“You have a telescope?” He asked in some sort of whisper with a face of who’s planning something.

I raised my eyebrows, intending to follow the innuendo. “Of course I do.”

“Hm, you need to show me.”

I patted his shoulder and scoffed. “Sure. I’ll show you the moon.”

Hanji gave us a blank stare. “I have a feeling this conversation is all fucked up.”

_You couldn’t be more right about that, four-eyes._

“Am I missing something?”

“No—or maybe, yes… Anyway, get away from us.”

As if shouting was normal in that kind of place, Hanji was quick to do it as she threw an arm around me. “Oh, why? I miss you!”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Eren. “Yes, because you don’t see me for ages.”

He smiled and I shrugged. I could get used to this, but still…

She snorted. “How’s my fish?”

“I beg your pardon, it’s _my_ fish.”

“Come on, you I need to consider it mine so you have some sort of responsibility towards the poor animal. It will die in your hands.”

“You gave it to me,” I shrugged her arm off me, “it’s mine.”

This discussion still continued for a long while. Even when he had to keep our voices down inside the chapel, Hanji kept on arguing that the fish was hers because I had no care for any living being, just my own ass. I could have countered that, though. Sometimes I didn’t really care about myself that much either.

Nanaba and Mike acknowledged us from the other side of the crowd with a nod. While Hanji waved to fill her heart’s content, I just bowed my head back at them. Sometimes, I wondered where the hell my mind was when I officially named her my best friend.

That’s when it occurred to me that I would need to talk to Hanji about my new problem. In my head, the odds were against my stay in this district, but she always had this fresh and distant view of things, which could come in handy. Then, maybe then, I could talk about it with Eren. And considering that, we weren’t even dating or anything like it. I didn’t owe him any sort of explanation. But I felt like I wanted to give him one because he deserved one. With the possibility of me having to leave, though, dating was definitely out of question. I seriously had a lot to think about, but the situation at hand wasn’t making it any less easy.

As the priest blabbed on with stuff I didn’t really care about, I took the time to let the whole thing sink in: they were gone; Petra, Auruo, Erd and Gunther, and they weren’t coming back. I was still alive though, and I had a responsibility. Whether it was towards them, Eren or me, the answer was probably the last one, and that’s what would give me a lot more to ponder— _what do I want?_

I didn’t follow them to the crematory. I was actually surprised to know that’s where they were all headed, since it was still something unusual around these parts. Hanji didn’t miss any of my steps, for as much as I was embarrassed to have her talking next to me in that dress, and she made sure to make my farewell all awkward. It should have been simple, dropping a flower in a coffin should have been easy, but for fuck’s sake, who starts talking about _The Mummy_ in the middle of a funeral? I seriously tried to block her out, but not imagining Auruo’s body Imhotep-like was hard. It was an idea way too good to pass. I had to be quick to take my leave, but not without bowing my head just slightly at their parents.

I seriously hated churches or chapels and whatever the genre of those. It was hard to breathe in there and I was glad to be back outside. I sat by the steps of the chapel, and had a déjà vu when Eren came around and asked if he could sit beside me. That’s when it all started, just a few weeks ago in some shitty stupid stairs.

We stayed quiet, enjoying the poor scenery. Some green from the fields or some blue from the seas would probably make it all better. The quiet didn’t last long, however, because Hanji was quick to join us once she was done inside.

“Oh, my god, you won’t believe what I heard.” Only Eren looked at her as she clumsily made her way down the first few stairs. “Mr. Ral says his daughter received an invitation from the Recon Firm, in Sina. Can you believe that?”

My heart back jammed against my ribcage.

“Recon Firm?” Eren sounded confused. “What’s that?”

Hanji hummed. “Well, it’s a really famous firm, most law students want to go there, but they only invite a few every three years. They stage there for their first year and then, if they’re good, they get a contract.”

“Wow, that’s good.”

“Well,” I started, “in her case it’s all as good as nothing. Unless a bunch of dust suddenly rises and decides being a lawyer is an option.”

Hanji sighed. “Sometimes I don’t know if your humor is lack of respect or just a way to keep you sane.” A pause “But then again, I am no better.”

I turned to look at her and glare. “Yes, you’re not any better. What the fuck was that before?”

She shrugged. “I was just trying to light you up a bit. You should have seen your face. You were just as pale as them.”

“Oh, ok.” Arguing with her wouldn’t take me anywhere. “You just basically called me morbid.”

“Are you sulking?”

“No.”

Eren laughed, but I ignored him.

“Still, always making her parents proud, I think.” She continued. “It’s an honor for them, I guess. And you—” she elbowed me “—maybe if you actually made the effort you’d also get an invitation.”

“Yeah…” I trailed off.

Outside, I probably looked as peaceful as a plum. However, inside, Hanji had just created a storm. I had no idea of what to think about. And no matter the odds, I had to admit it: the only reason why I couldn’t decide in an instant was because, no matter what rational sense thought, I had already chosen my path.

With the excuse of taking Eren home, I didn’t lose much more time in that place. That part of my life was over and burned, and I had to start thinking about the new chapter. But just like all chapters, I had no idea how this one would end. I just knew it would give me a lot of trouble.

After sharing condolences with the few ones I knew once they were back, we left.

Eren craved for food as we passed by KFC. I didn’t hold back and complained to no end over his fast food diet, but he just ignored me and shut me up by saying “I’m still growing”, it just made me sound too old and somehow I felt resentful towards his comment. Not because it was an issue that bugged me, but because I knew I had a thing to be pessimistic and he wasn’t helping my case at all. I still gave him the benefit of doubt and overlooked the whole thing.

We reached his house and I waved him off, but he just didn’t go.

“What’s wrong?”

Eren looked at his hands and then at me. “I’m… I can see you again, right?”

At first he looked pitiful, but after taking a better look I could see he was just hopeful. I felt guilty and I hated myself for that. I was the one who decided to follow the way to him and now I was starting to back off on him and my own decision. Making choices and not regretting them was by far the most complicated thing ever and I was doing exactly the very thing I promised myself I wouldn’t. I was fucking everything up ever since that morning.

Maybe the way I phrased my “sorry” was wrong, because Eren looked as terrified as I’d never seen him before. I was quick to correct myself, though. “No, I mean… I wasn’t fair towards you at all today. I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea of what you’re talking about but ok…”

Of course he didn’t, I hadn’t told him a thing.

“I have my exams coming up and I seriously need to do good…” He was already pouting, probably unconsciously, when I went on. “Still, if I am not mistaken, you are still grounded so you still have to show up at your dad’s office, right?” He nodded. “So I figured I could find some time for you every other afternoon.”

Eren smiled small and nodded. “That sounds ok. And Armin will probably kick me around when he want’s time with Jean so… I need someone to fetch me or Mikasa will eat me alive.” He looked relieved.

“Sure, I’ll fetch you.” I hummed.

My mind was picking up the pieces I’d missed, though. I had figured we were slowly changing places. I started as the man who had all the answers and Eren was the one floating around. Now, I was the one starting to float around while he was anchoring himself.

“Hey.” It was just that simple the way he got me to look at him. And when I did, he kissed me, just as softly as the first one should have been.

Following the whims of the heart, or whatever the fuck people call it nowadays, I would have offered him my core right there so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted, either trample on my feelings or actually treasure them. Still, the main question was still pending in the mind and I would need time to consider it all.

“I like you.” I said.

It was that simple. No matter the decision I’d end up making, he had to know that he had been a choice, and a very good one. He wasn’t someone to discard, and I wanted to make sure he knew it.

Eren blinked at first and then mouthed something I couldn’t catch before looking away and blushing. Maybe I should have been restless because of that, but I was actually really calm. “I like you too.” He finally said, eyes shifting from me to somewhere else from second to second.

“There’s something we have to talk about, but I’m not ready to discuss it yet.” I was being evil by worrying him with that, but I wanted to relieve myself from some of the pressure as well. “Don’t sweat it, it’s nothing bad…” I didn’t sound convincing but I still tried.

The way he was looking at me was one I’d yet never seen. I still liked it, nonetheless, because it inspired confidence and trust. It was through these little things I could see the him about to unravel right after the bud, and those were the little things I was falling for.

“It’s about my future; I guess I can say it like that. And I want to decide it together.”

That expression wasn’t leaving his face. “You don’t have to do that, you know? We’re not—”

“I know, Eren. I don’t have to do _that_ , but I want to do it, so shut the fuck up.”

He considered it and then agreed. But he still didn’t leave; he still kissed me again, and again, and again, until I got mad and actually kicked his ass out. He told me he’d text me at night and I told him not to waste his time if he was going to be a grammatical fuck up.

I spent the rest of the day driving around. Driving and listening to the radio was a good thing to keep my mind blank.

 _“I like you too”_ , he’d said. That was a first time he’d given me I hadn’t gotten from anyone else. Reciprocate feelings had never been my cause, but there I was, listening to shitty Miley on the radio and actually making sense to everything.

 _You came in like a_ fucking _wrecking ball._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeh, another update.  
> Sorry for the cliffhanger ~
> 
> Anyway, I am going to be away for a week (London is expecting me) so I won't update anything any time soon. When I get back, however, I do want to finish this one and then keep with the other two.
> 
> And Eren is a cutie, let me die.

To put it simply, I lost track of time. Eren got busy with his studies and I had a few projects to finish by the end of the first week of June, before exams started. The days were getting longer and the weather was warmer, but nothing seemed good enough to improve my mood these past few weeks. I had fallen into the monotonous routine of home-college-home trips, with a little detour to the local library sometimes. And even though a routine was something I appreciated, without any single figure—not even Hanji—to give my life a few blows, everything was getting boring and depressive.

A week passed.

Two weeks passed.

Three weeks passed.

Eren texted me almost every day and, when he didn’t, he’d call at night. It’s funny, because in those little treads of conversation I could actually feel at ease. We’d talk about the trivial things, how he was having a hard time with Economy and how I could help him out, being Economy the easiest subject (by far) in the whole Law course. He told me his father was out of town for a whole month and that explained the sudden absence of Professor Jäger at college. He also tried to slip the clue of us having to meet since it’d been a while. Even though romanticism was not among my set of available moods at that moment, I allowed him to have it his way. And, as each day passed by, for as much as that only brought more heavy thoughts for my mind to work with, he was growing attached. And to be honest, so was I.

Sometimes, I’d sulk during a whole day. Sometimes I’d act like an ice cube and pretend I was as obtuse as an angle, but either Eren or Hanji would get to that hidden soft side of mine and bright things up a little. Still, when I was so prone to depression, staying ok didn’t ever last enough time.

Hanji showed up in a late afternoon right after I’d gotten home from the library. I would have slammed the door in her face, but she was already in before I got the chance to think about it. I had agreed to meet up with Eren that day. He had a group work to finish for his field trip on Friday so he asked me if we could meet after he was done. I would have told him I didn’t want to but, considering I was actually free, I ended up making the effort. I was tired nonetheless and my sleepless nights weren’t helping my case.

“Have you been feeding this little guy?” Hanji asked me, bumping a finger against the glass of Titan’s (Eren chose the name, not me) fish tank.

There was a really nice breeze running through the house, I’d opened the windows to refresh the atmosphere of that place. Those warm days made that house feel like a sauna.

“Yes,” I replied as I sniffed at the new air coming in from the window, “though I think I forgot about its existence for two or three days.” I shrugged when she glared pointedly at me. “It survived anyway.”

“You’re a bad person,” she judged, “and sometimes I really hate you. Don’t you have any sense of responsibility towards other creatures other than you?”

I pressed my shoulder against the window frame and crossed my arms. “About that… There’s something we need to talk about—correction: I need to talk and you’ll listen until I am finished. Only then, when I finish, you get to blab about it. Clear?”

Hanji pondered my suggestion and the nodded. “Clear.”

I just wanted to vent, but I also needed an opinion. So I told Hanji what was on my mind. I told her about the letter, about how I felt guilty over the whole thing in my own way and how I wanted to make up for it. I told her about Eren and about this fragile yet somehow treasurable thing we had. I told her what I wanted and what I didn’t want: how I worked towards a goal and how I wanted to work on something I liked, how I didn’t like feeling like shit and fucking things up for everyone else in consequence.

“For starters,” she said once I was over, “you always feel like shit. You’re always unhappy about something in your life and that’s a fact. You can’t fight it, it’s who you are: a miserable son of a bitch, with all the due respect.”

“Underline _bitch_ for me, please.”  I mumbled, she laughed.

“Come on, we all make mistakes. You’ve made a lot of mistakes, but a long time has passed as well and now what you have is called life experience. Use what you’ve got and make a good decision. You might regret it someday, but that only happens if you don’t make the best of it.” She paused to shift her feet and then fixed me with a look. “I have to admit I am happy you got that letter. It’s a hell of an offer and I’d take it if I were you. But you’re not me. You did this course because you felt you owed Erwin that much. But you’re on your own now, Levi, and it’s a whole new ground. It’s not about doing it for anyone’s sake right now; it’s about doing it for your sake. And even if that letter is a hell of a chance, as your best friend, I’m not counseling you to follow that path.”

What she was saying made sense in my head. It was never my dream, it was _theirs_. How was I supposed to turn the page if I was still living with emotions that should have died along with them?

Hanji looked at me above her glasses. “As for Eren… I’m assuming you’re not a criminal yet.”

Took me a while to realize what she meant. “Oh, no.” I mumbled. “It’s not like that… We’re just… We’re just _nothing_ right now.”

“He’s a 16 years old kid; I hope you are aware of that. When he was born you could already walk, talk and write and you were probably already developing your swearing dictionary.”

“It’s a 5 years difference.” I mocked.

She shrugged. “What I’m saying is: if you’re aware of that then go for it. I don’t know him that well, but from what I’ve observed I know he’s a good person. Troublesome and –wow—what a temperament, but he’s a good kid.”

I rolled my eyes and looked out through the window. “I’m yet to see it all, but I guessed. He’s all sweet butter to me now, though.”

“Maybe,” she laughed, “but that’s exactly why you have to be sure. He’s 16 years—” she was repeating his age a lot “—old and you’re his first something if I got it right. You’re like the love of his life if things go the right way and I’m positive you don’t want to fuck that up. However, I’m still trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with your likes.” She sneered. “From Erwin to Eren goes a big difference. Is it the names? Both start with an E.”

A shiver went down my spine at the mention of Erwin’s name. The last thing I needed was Hanji making comparisons between my only two possible love affairs. Eren alone was going to be a hard bet.

“What about my other experiences? I’m positive none started with an E.”

Hanji bumped her fist in her palm. “Maybe it’s their eyes!”

“Eren’s eyes are not blue.”

“The tanned skin!”

“No.”

“Their abs…?”

“No.”

“Their big dicks?”

I opened my mouth to negate that as well, but then I closed it and blinked. For some stupid and unknown reason my brain sized up both of them in a very comical way. “No.” I finally said. As if I ever had a doubt. “Don’t even compare.”

Hanji snickered. “I love how you took your time to think about it.” I showed her my middle finger and she laughed. “But back to the point. You need stability and Eren can provide that in a healthy way. You sense that yourself, don’t you?” I nodded. “Then, be sure of what you want, young man. Leaving this place was also something you had in mind. You can still consider that—and somehow I think you do, but it’s only fueled by your fear over how things might go. And hey, I’m no psychiatry, but here I am. Just an outsider looking at your case… And this is draining me, wow. I need water.”

While she walked to the kitchen, I took my time to consider her words. She was totally right and I couldn’t bring myself to pick on whatever she’d mentioned. Her denial over the possibility of accepting to go to that interview in Sina was basically what I needed to hear. But she was right, Eren’s voice was needed on this because it was affecting him as well. I was stupid and selfish to keep it to myself. It was never my own burden alone and still…

“By the way, since we’re in this kind of situation of a heart-to-heart conversation, I think there’s something I should let you know.”

I turned my head to look at her. “What.” I frowned.

Hanji took a gulp of water and then looked at me with a blank expression. “I’m seeing someone.”

That kind of information was something Hanji would rarely share. To be honest, I never really asked. Her issue was that she never really knew how she felt. Sometimes she’d get in and out of relationships just like that and I was left wondering if there was ever something to begin with, but I never got to ask. It all came down to that one point where she’d tell me she was with someone and I’d accept it. Just like I’d accept once she walked out of those people’s lives. That’s probably why we worked so well. I respected her dual sided self and she respected my tendency to be a depressive ass. She’s insightful, in a way, more than I am. But she doesn’t share it as much as I do even though I know she always has good advice to offer. We work and that’s our safety.

“Oh.” I offered. “Who is he?”

“Moblit, he’s a co-worker.”

I raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like a Pokémon’s name.” She didn’t change her empty expression so I shrugged mine off. “But hey, congrats. Good luck.”

If it ever got to the point where she’d ask me to meet the guy, I’d consider it was a serious thing. Until then, it was just pure respect.

“Thanks.”

I bowed my head. “Same.” There was no need to explain why I was thanking her. She knew why and that was clear in the way she smiled in reply.

Our brief moment of understanding was interrupted by the sound of my phone. I reached for it above the counter and gave a look. It was a text from Eren saying he’d be done in about 10 minutes.

“Duty calls?” Hanji asked. “I can drop you at the school.”

I looked up at her. “I’d appreciate that.”

Even though it was already seven o’clock it was still really warm outside. The breeze was nice, but when there was no breeze it got a bit hard to breathe. Hanji drove with both her windows open and that felt nice. Even while I was spacing out, I was content with the feeling of the soft wind on my face.

When she left me by the parking lot I only had one thought in my head: under pressure precious things can break, so I couldn’t give the game away. I had all the cards so I had to play them correctly.

Eren was sitting by the wall looking at somewhere in his own horizon. He wasn’t alone so I got closer without saying a word. Armin was the one to bump his shoulder once he saw me. The way Eren’s eyes almost lit up when caught a glimpse of me made my lip twitch.

My hair had grown a bit longer for the past few weeks, and I noticed how closely he watched when I curled the ends of if behind my ear. The undercut trim I could keep it myself, but I wouldn’t risk anything else so sometimes it would grow like that. It wasn’t a big deal, but Eren seemed fascinated by it, that brat.

“Hey.” I said once I was close enough.

Armin smiled wide at me. “Hello.”

“Hi.” Eren greeted back.

“Are you waiting for someone?” I asked, not really at Eren though.

“Ah,” Armin waved his hands in front of his face, “don’t mind me. Just go ahead. Jean is probably almost here to pick me up so no problem.”

Eren looked between us for a while before his eyes got stuck on Armin. “We wait.” That was cute. It was clear he was being territorial, just like a dog. But, in a way, I appreciated that even if it wasn’t towards me.

When I sat next to Armin without saying a word, Eren seemed happy enough. I wondered if we were going to stay quiet, which wasn’t bad at all since talking wasn’t my thing these days, but as usual Eren worked out the job just fine.

“I can’t believe that in two weeks we won’t have school.” He said in a melancholic tone.

Armin giggled. “I am actually excited about summer.”

“With a boyfriend so would I be.” Eren mumbled under his breath.

Armin and I exchanged a look but we didn’t reply. I wondered if that had been some sort of clue for me to get. I wouldn’t blame him, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more. But the real issue was far from that. If I wasn’t so doubtful about everything, the suggestion would have popped up already. Nevertheless, it was all the same, just not official. We were growing attached no matter what.

Jean showed up in a matter of seconds after that. He didn’t get out of the car, but he opened the window to shout something at Eren. “You owe me one for keeping Mikasa busy, you asshole.” He said. Eren didn’t reply, he just glared at him and gave Armin a small wave with his hand. We watched Jean maneuver his car and then leave. Eren was the first to get up.

“Come on.” There was a hand in front of my face. “Dinner’s on me.”

I took his hand and gave him a look. “Since when?”

He shrugged and pulled me up. “Since I said so.”

I tried not to smile so I ended up biting the corner of my lip. He noticed anyway and that only boasted his confidence way above the standards. The awkward yet pleasing part was that he was basically dragging me out of there by the hand. I had no idea where he was taking me but I didn’t want to spoil whatever he had planned because, obviously, he’d planned something.

Holding hands like that was embarrassing in a way and I could feel a bit uneasy about it. Still, I tried to keep the fidgeting to a minimum.

We took a turn here and there and I was starting to get impatient. Suddenly, however, we stopped. Eren pointed up at the sign and I was left staring stupidly at it.

“Last week you said you liked sushi, but you never really got to eat it because Hanji doesn’t like it that much and eating it alone is depressing.” He shrugged. “So I found out about this place—Jean told me about it actually—and I came in here with Mikasa and we had lunch the other day, instead of in the cafeteria. I liked it. So yeah,” he looked at me and smiled small, almost a bit afraid, “I saved up a bit so we can use the take-away service. You said restaurants are annoying… but since we were going to your place we could eat there.”

While I was busy thinking about bullshit, this creature was busy thinking about ways to please me. And for as stupid as I was, I couldn’t do much besides stare at him. The words were all gone and I had no idea of what to say. I could as much just ask for help because I’d momentarily lost my ability to speak.

My silence was worrying him and that was clear in his expression. Knowing him, he was probably already overthinking shit. But I didn’t know what to say, so all I did was keep staring and squeeze his hand in mine. Romantic shit aside, that guy was going to make me face a lot of crap I wasn’t mentally prepared for.

He probably took my poor reaction as a good thing since he didn’t say anything more and just took me in. On the way home, however, he started talking again. This time it was about something related to his group work. He told me how Jean kept trying to act as a leader all the time and how that was annoying.

I was so distracted considering every little action of his that I was surprised when we stopped in front of the door of my building. He stared amusingly at me, as if we had changed roles and he was now the one on a roll.

We got in and Eren excused himself and got in the bathroom. I placed the boxes with our respective orders above the counter and then went in my room to close the windows. I didn’t want any sort of _“exquisite”_ bugs flying around during the night and disturbing my sleep.

Eren came around and leaned against the doorframe. He was looking at me but I couldn’t figure his expression. I thought about asking, but was nowhere close to talking. When I finally decided to abandon my position and leave to the living room, I passed by close enough to watch his pupils dilate slightly as we met eyes. He was just being a sexy fuck and he wasn’t even aware of it. And I say he wasn’t aware because when the corner of my lip turned up just slightly, he looked at me with that expression of who’s wondering what is so funny about a dead conversation.

I’d been eaten up with worry for days and hadn’t taken nearly enough time to reflect on the memory of what had happened last time he was over. The things that shit of a brat made me think about when he was nearby were insane. But then again, I didn’t mind it at all. Either it was making fun of him or thinking about how good he’d look squirming under me (or vice versa, I wasn’t closed-minded and I knew what was good), all those thoughts were welcomed in my head. It made me forget about the main reason I’d been stressing out for weeks and how he was the cause of it all. It made him seem worth the trouble.

“You’re thinking about something.” He told me as he turned around to follow me.

“Remind me to see you at least once per week from now on.”

I wasn’t looking but he sounded confused. “Huh? What—why? I mean, not that I… you know…”

I turned my head and looked at him over my shoulder. “You fill up my mind with weird ideas.”

He was about to ask about my phrasing but then he probably reached a conclusion, since his face was turning slightly red. “I’m ok with that.”

I looked pointedly at him. “Eren, last month you couldn’t tell left from right, and now you’re telling me you’re ok with it?”

“A month is a lot of time to consider some stuff… and try some stuff?”

The wording he chose was definitely a bad one. “ _Try_? Try what?”

He blinked. “No, not like that… I mean…”

“You look more innocent than you really are, no?

He shrugged. “I’ve heard that before.”

Yes, he’d probably heard that before. More than once, most likely. And he was opening a chance I’d gladly take if necessary. That was one of the reasons I wanted him to return for, but it wasn’t the only one. Still, somehow, he seemed to be more aware of it than I was. Even if he was the lost puppy for starters, he knew what he wanted out of this. I was the only one sending in mixed signals and a couple of half-truths.

The food was there and all we had to do was start eating. I was about to contemplate that very fact when Eren made me turn around and cornered me against the counter. The look I gave him in reply was challenging, but he just lowered his head and rested his forehead against my shoulder.

“I’m going to ask you something,” he said, “and you’re only allowed to say yes or no.” Those little outbursts of confidence were happening more often than before. He knew his own place until someone gave him a little push. When necessary, _if_ necessary, he’d take over the situation. “I know there’s something bugging you and I know it’s that something you said we’d talk about. I am not forcing you to do it now, that’s not it. But… Are you ok?” The question was made and he turned his head slightly to be able to watch me from where he was.

I had to talk about it with him, but I wasn’t expecting to do it so soon. “There’s a schedule in my mind right now.” I told him. “And talking about that is the very last thing I want to do today. Save that for when your classes are really over.”

“You said it was nothing bad…” He seemed uneasy. “And that’s neither a yes or a no…”

I leaned my head against his. “It’s nothing bad. Don’t stress, brat. Just… wait a little longer.” He smelled really nice, and my appetite was growing—not for food, though. “We should eat.” Even though I said that, my hand was already fondling under the ends of his shirt, and I felt him let out a sharp breath.

The tip of my fingers ran through his skin and found their way between his jeans and his touch. Eren didn’t complain. He was actually quiet about it, so I went on with my ministrations. His head was leaning against mine and I could feel his breath on my ear. I only got another sort of reply when I copped his growing erection.

_Kids and their sexual drive._

Last time, he got what I wanted to give him. My own pleasure came from the fact I knew he liked what _I_ was doing to him. It had always been like that, not just with Eren but with other guys too. That’s why, at the very end, I would never let anyone touch me. But Eren was supposed to be an exception. Not _the_ exception but an exception. So when I noticed his hands were basically just doing nothing I gave him the clue by grabbing one of them and placing it right where it should have been from the start.

Eren pulled his head back and looked at me almost terrified.

“It’s fine.” I said.

That was it. Between the surprise and realization, his eyes seemed to gleam with that fire I’d had a glimpse of so many few times. My eyes flew open and I sucked in a breath through my nose once I was aware of his mouth on mine.

There were tons of ways to kiss a person and, despite his inexperience, Eren seemed to know them all. It was like he mirrored the situation itself, always giving the necessary, sometimes a bit more just to spoil.

I’d barely given a thought about what his hand was actually doing with my jeans until he fisted around my dick with so much certainty I almost choked. It wasn’t a bad move, to be honest, but I wasn’t expecting it at all.

“You’re hard…” He mumbled in a way that made it sound like it was some sort of miracle.

“You’re welcome.” I replied, doing exactly what he’d done to me and watching him shudder in response. A lot of things crossed my mind from that moment onward, but getting to do much more than that was something I wouldn’t get him into, no matter how much I was looking forward to it.

Getting to spread _shit_ all over my kitchen was out of question no matter what, though. When I pushed him slightly away and started guiding him backwards towards my room he seemed confused. But then the back of his knees hit the bed and he fell behind, pulling me on top of him as he fell.

“I should tell you,” I started while spreading my legs around him, making him go all self-conscious, “you show a difference façade every single time. I’m doubting over what to expect from you right now.”

Eren rose to his elbows and looked at me. “What—?” He lost track of what he wanted to say when I surged against him, brushing our members together. Instead, he looked away and furrowed his eyebrows.

We did it together and, for much of my amusement, finished it together. Hand jobs were suddenly my new favorite thing, especially when Eren decided biting my neck in the process of riding his orgasm was a good idea.

“It might get infected…” I mumbled as I looked over the mirror at the perfect mark in the ending curve of my neck.

Eren had his face between his hands and had been a apologizing for a while. “I’m sorry.” He said again.

“It’s fine,” I pulled my shirt above it, “but do remember not to eat me alive next time… And I mean _literally_.”

He didn’t reply and just followed me around the house until I finally sat down ready to (finally) start eating. “We need to talk.” I told him without giving it much of a thought.

If he was going to be sincere about what he wanted out of this, I could at least tell him about what was going on. Now that my head was all light, it didn’t seem such a big deal anymore.

“Are you sure?” He asked, not really looking at me.

I nodded. “I’m sure.”


End file.
